I've been so lonely lately

[Haunting Paranoia]

So lately I've been realizing how lonely I've been by peaking at the multitude of friends lists I have on various games and Skype. They're pathetically small and I could reduce them all to even smaller. I'm an introvert who is quiet with a small group of friends on the internet and real life. It's very depressing to see that I've failed to make friends both on the computer and in reality. My boyfriend, long distance, has so many friends and it just reminds me even more how pitifully quiet I've been for who knows how long.

School registration is tomorrow and I'm going along and chances are I won't have anyone to talk to that way. My friend A is attached to B who I dislike and I plan on to avoid A or barely talk to her if she's with B. Perhaps it's jealousy because I've known A for so long, 4-5 years now, but the point is that at this point I'm afraid I'll eventually go mute regarding talking to people that I'm not comfortable with. The new school year is coming up soon and hopefully that way I'll be able to make some new friends. I want new friends, but quality ones that won't irritate me or turn their back on me. Since I give up so easily on things I'd most likely drop them quickly if they hurt me.

Girl C who I talk to when I run into her or her likewise, when I went over her house a few weeks ago we had periods of silence that were ten minutes long a piece. She only truly had one topic she loved to talk about that I wasn't into totally per say. When I offered to do something such as watch a movie or go walking around as the weather was nice, she declined every offer. I soon succumbed to talking to her about the matter because the silence was utterly sickening. I've already told her that I needed a break for awhile, but I patched it up recently out of pity and because I wanted to start talking to people when the new school year started so I wasn't alone. Perhaps I'm using her.. call it whatever you wish. She's quiet also and when you put two quiet people together, you get silence.

Girl D is one of my good friends that I always like talking to, and I also always have to be the first one to strike up the conversation. I'm getting just utterly sick of it. I know she tells everyone that she can't be the one to strike up conversation, but I just don't want to be the person that does. When I don't, she thinks I'm mad at her and don't wish to speak with her. I plan on staying quiet a bit more hoping she gets the message that I want her to speak to me first more often. Meet me half way dammit!

I've noticed lately that if I wish to talk to anyone, I have to be the first one to strike the conversation. This only depresses me further because I'm sick of always putting the effort into the conversation when I'm already quiet in general. I want people to talk to me and be the first to start the conversation, otherwise I'm beginning to think why bother talking to them at all? I know I need to meet them half way, but I've always been meeting them the full way. Again, this is via Skype because I haven't really visited any friends during the summer. That must be why I'm so eager to start school again because my summer has been quiet and boring.

I'm very emotional about this matter at the moment because it's either time to change it or my period is coming along.. or both. I want friends trust me on that one, but I don't always want to put forth the effort to make a true friend or to create the friendship first. I also don't always want them bothering unless I like them very much to the point of being my "best friend." I'm sorry if saying all this makes me appear as a user, but I believe I'm one of those people by having a big circle of quality friends I can fill the void of my loneliness and my emotions. Please don't write one liners like "Talk once school starts and it'll get better," I wish to have quality replies if you've read this much already.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

You don't need to feel this way...If you want to make friends, sometimes or often you must be the one that start the conversation.
When I started to work and knew no one, I was the one who started the conversation. I talk to people that even work in other department and they appreciate it because some people don't.

If you keep waiting for other to talk first well it is not the most effective way to make friends.

I was a shy and quiet person I wished I changed earlier to have made more friends. However, NEVER IS TOO LATE. I improved a lot lately because I really wanted to change.
You must not give up if someone doesn't want to be your friend. We cannot be friend with everyone.
Instead of looking on what you don't have. Encourage yourself, be proud that you are making efforts.

Start by little steps.
Give you some goals to achieve with increasing difficulty.

For example,

1-Introduce yourself to a classmate
2- remember your classmate name, greet her and ask : How are you?
3- Start a conversation (to know what they like to do, what are their interests do you have similar interests)
4-Talk to new people that you haven't
5- Continue to talk with people you seem to get along or have common interests.


When I was in your situation. I used google to read stuff on how to make friends, how to be less shy... Youtube videos also...

There isn't ONE way to become less shy. I researched and tried. Now I am more sociable, but I still need to improve.