I think I love/hate him?

[Fuit Gummy]

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There's a lot of s**t going on in my life,
I'm trying to fix myself up but I have no one in real life I can talk to.

So, Internet, here I am.

So, for the longest time, I have been really unsure of how I feel towards
my on again/off again ex. We're on again/off again because, obviously, I do
have feelings for him. I just don't know what those feelings are anymore.

You see, he's been trying to get back with me for the longest time.
I get extremely angry when he brings it up though.
Each time we talk, this anger just intensifies. I don't know where it comes
from or why I get angry when he even tries to talk to me. I start lashing out
at him and only him. Literally, when I see his face, I can feel my chest
getting heavy with bitterness.

All the times we've been together, nothing bad really happened other than
I felt ignored majority of the time. But he's done nothing to me, that I
remember, to make me truly resent him. I won't lie though, he is really
annoying. But being annoying isn't enough to make me this angry.

On the other hand, however, when he doesn't talk to me, I feel a physical
sadness. I feel lonely when he's not around me and I want to talk to him.
Buuuut then we talk and I automatically get angry with him.

Basically, love & hate kind of thing. I hate it though, I hate not knowing
why or what I should be feeling. Do I hate him or love him?

I have no idea how to begin to figure this out, I need some kind of help.

Btw, this is kind of rambly, ranty nonsense. Sorry if it doesn't make sense.

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

I'm going to concentrate on this bit right here:

Brommiel

All the times we've been together, nothing bad really happened other than I felt ignored majority of the time. But he's done nothing to me, that I remember, to make me truly resent him. I won't lie though, he is really annoying. But being annoying isn't enough to make me this angry.

Did you ever tell him you felt ignored?

If yes, and he kept on acting the same way, you have EVERY RIGHT to resent him. Having your thoughts, interests and feelings ignored is tremendously insulting. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

If you didn't, you still have a right to be angry, but you might be unconsciously angry with yourself, too, for allowing him to treat you that way. YOU DESERVE BETTER FROM YOURSELF, TOO!

About being annoying... I'm on the fence there. There are things that some people find annoying that other people find endearing. Since that's extremely subjective, I'll let you figure that one out yourself.

Still, there are probably excellent reasons why he's an EX. You really shouldn't go back to him, no matter how much you miss him. YOU DESERVE BETTER IN GENERAL.

Look at it this way: by staying in a relationship you already know isn't so good, aren't you denying yourself the chance to find something better? (Or worse, but I prefer to be an optimist.)

emotion_hug  

[Fuit Gummy]

La Belle Gigi

Yeah, I've told him multiple times.
(It's been a major factor in why we keep breaking up)

>_<

[I feel like I posted this in the wrong subforum]

Well, by annoying, I mean that he just never took anything seriously.
He would always talk over me and never listen. He'd laugh at my
problems and just didn't try to understand me.

(I'm annoyed by arrogant/ignorant people)

So, meh... I'm starting to see why I feel resentment when I see him.

I don't want to be with him again! xD Oh God, don't worry about that.
I just don't know how I should feel about him.

Thank you for the help~

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Brommiel

Well, by annoying, I mean that he just never took anything seriously.
He would always talk over me and never listen. He'd laugh at my
problems and just didn't try to understand me.

He's a jerk, sweetie emotion_hug I'm glad to know you won't take him back.

You don't have to hate him, and you'll probably always miss the good times you had together.