Deciding to go to a family function (wall of text)

[apiyo]

Hello, Bible guild, today I was met with a problem were all the solutions are wrong, involving my extended family.

I'll start with some necessary backstory. My dad's siblings don't get along with him at all. I'm not really sure why, but there's no sibling affection for them. My dad is Christian and his siblings aren't, but they didn't like him before he got saved either. They don't like my mom because she's his wife and also for dumb reasons like money, jobs, and her skin color. This spills over to my sisters, brother, and I, being their children and all. We don't hang out with them on a regular basis, but haven't been able to avoid them. The relatives live on the family land, steps from each other and 5 minutes from my parents. Also, when my grandma was alive, in order to visit her, we had to see them. Some of them are okay to be around, but the vast majority? Do not want.

Being around the extended family is stressful so the immediate family as all decided we would eject most of them from our lives. Now that the Grandparents are dead we rarely have to visitl. It's a small town so complete avoidance isn't possible but for all practical purpose we don't see them. Life would be simple if we just did a clean break and not speak to them ever again. But that hasn't happened. The relatives aren't aware of all deliberate avoidance so instead of them not expecting us to be around, they expect us to act "normal." We politely pretend they don't exist until we have to go to something big like a funeral. Then it is unpleasant and we all want to go home. Can't speak for my parents and siblings, but this is awkward for me because:

My family has been warning me about my evil scheming relatives and how much they hate me since I came out the womb. So I always expect them to do or say something mean. They never actually curse, rant, or rave around my twin sister and I are around, they are passive aggressive and hide put-downs in seemingly-harmless statements. But sometimes they aren't mean and act like "normal" relatives. So I don't know when an attack is coming because it is random and it feels like I don't have proof of their bad attitudes. Because I don't have definite and obviously bad experience I feel like I'm betraying my immediate family (even though the relatives' actions are up to them, not me). I can't be mean back because it I'm Christian so that's not right. There have been a lot of deaths lately, and I don't want to be that person crying at the funeral wishing I'd made a bigger effort to get along. If they are passive-aggressive and I don't notice at all I feel like an idiot for not noticing. So I am always on guard against them and that I can't say anything because it will be used against me. The best I can do is treat them like cordial acquaintances until they go away.

All that is nerve racking so I don't feel like dealing with it. This particular episode, my dad's niece is having a baby and accompanying shower this fall. She invited us and probably other female relatives I do not want to see. That cousin is tolerable but I really don't feel like dealing with the other ones so I don't want to go to the shower, neither do my mom or sisters. The cousin isn't married. But if we don't go it will be brought up later. My mom and sisters haven't decided and neither have I. I really really really don't want to go, but any advice would be helpful.  

[Rednal]

It's your personal choice. You can always try to make an effort to improve your family's circumstances and act nicer towards others. You might also want to ask yourself whether trouble and disapproval for some people should really keep you from doing the things you want to do.

You could also do something like "Okay, we're going to go there for the Cousin/Niece/Whatever, then come back here and have Family Movie Night with something funny and some ice cream". Y'know, create something positive to look forward to that will last you through a couple of hours. Also, go out of your way to compliment others while you're there. Like, "That was a very thoughtful gift for Cousin", or something.

Though, that's just me. It's up to you in the end. ^^  

[real eyes realize]

Pretty much what Rednal said. The only thing I would add is to not let the chance of gossip deter you from saying or doing anything you think is right. Aside from that, either choice would be Godly: avoiding / separating from evil or treating those who wish to do you harm with kindness, regardless of what they might say or do. Perhaps a mix of both since it's not entirely possible to avoid them. If they are ever in need, and you're in a position to help, do them the favor. Or out of the blue, just do something nice for them, something you know they like. Either way, you're giving them less reasons to hate you (by way of absence or kindness).  

[Hero just hero]

Don't think your better.

Do we think we are better than anyone else because we believe in Christ? Philippians 2 states that one should never be prideful about it. Nor think about one's selfish desires and ambitions. For it was never the way Christ has done.

Let's say this: if God never humbled himself, and literally showed and said "I am God and you are my servants", would this be love? Would He allow the Cross to happen? No. But isn't that why He came to show us that true way?

See, we are saved in Christ, but that should not be the excuse to say "I am better", which is why God never appointed himself as the almighty in his Human form. Because, all he wants to be for you, is a Humbled friend. Be like Christ and think about others before yourself smile

-The wise informer

He also wrote:

The Greatest Sacrifice

You cannot understand the Bible without a Sacrifice. But what sacrifice does He require? Burnt offerings as said in the old testimate as in Noah to Moses? ( Genesis 8:21-22 to Deuteronomy 34:10-12 )

No...
He doesn't want those types of sacrifices. He clearly said This in Psalms. Jeremiah 7:22-26 states:
"For I did not speak to your fathers, or command them in the day that I brought them out of the land of Egypt, concerning burnt offerings or sacrifices. But this is what I commanded them, saying, ‘Obey My voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be My people. And walk in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be well with you.’ Yet they did not obey or incline their ear, but followed the counsels and the dictates of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward. Since the day that your fathers came out of the land of Egypt until this day, I have even sent to you all My servants the prophets, daily rising up early and sending them. Yet they did not obey Me or incline their ear, but stiffened their neck. They did worse than their fathers."

The sacrifice was never the Burnt offerings as mentioned. It was the cooperation of the given task that really pleases him. Burnt offerings in sacrifice of obedience was more abundant than to just give a burnt offering.

Are we a little confused about this? Is this a contradiction? No, my friends. We usually just miss out on what was given.

God removed every boundaries of Sin. Even shorten lives of the people of this world ( Read the days of the ark and Noah's death). A little something Interesting:

If we had read Genesis, We would noticed the death of Noah (950 years). But this was the time before the Flood where people can live over the Age of 800. Now, look at Abraham. He lasted this lifetime 175 years. What happened during the Flood? The environmental changes that occurred to shorten the days of men. God gave this as a permanent lifestyle (which is why people who had Sinned can only last so long in this world). However, Sin kept flowing. Until the New testimate.

What is sin?

A short answer would be the rebellion against the Lord.

Sin is rather interesting to most people explaining it. It's not saying "God hates you because you sinned", because in Genesis we see that God gave forgiveness (Genesis 2:21- 23 ). But Had cursed the grounds (Genesis 2:16-20 ). What sin is, is the idea of blocking God's view of you. Basically saying: "My sins are hiding myself from God". Your not being hated, your sin is blocking you from being close to God. In a saying: God never hated the sinner, but the sins they had committed and the blood that is uncleansed by it will stick by you causing a disconnection with the heavenly Father.


We are able to be forgiven, but repentance is required for an open heart (which is called a cleansing to a wicked blood). As it is said " your sins are like scars that is unable to heal, but come to me in repentance and I will make it as white as snow)-Isaiah.


The time of the old testimate would best fit as: the time of tribulations (burnt sacrifices).
The time to the New testimate would be called: the time of Grace.

Does this explain the term Sacrifice? No? Then let us move to Jesus' time.

Jesus, The Son of God ( was the actual God in Disguise) came down to us in human form to show the Truth, the Way and the Life ( John 14:6 ). How was Jesus God? let's read Genesis 17 verse 1.

Genesis 17:1:

When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to Abram and said to him, “I am Almighty God; walk before Me and be blameless.

Remember the "I am", Now head to John 8:56-58:

Your father Abraham rejoiced to see My day, and he saw it and was glad.”
Then the Jews said to Him, “You are not yet fifty years old, and have You seen Abraham?” Jesus said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I AM.”

The Great I am is God almighty. Now you know who was Jesus In disguise. Move on now to Luke 23 verses 27-31:

And a great multitude of the people followed Him, and women who also mourned and lamented Him. But Jesus, turning to them, said, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for Me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For indeed the days are coming in which they will say, ‘Blessed are the barren, wombs that never bore, and breasts which never nursed!’ Then they will begin ‘to say to the mountains, “Fall on us!” and to the hills, “Cover us!”’ For if they do these things in the green wood, what will be done in the dry?”

His great sacrifice was to Die on Calvary ( Death Hill ). The reason Christians wears a Cross, is to say " Jesus and death fought with each other, even if Jesus seemed dead. And in three days, He kept his promise! We know now, His promises are kept." He knew in time, people will be killing themselves ( The fall on us part) and look onto other forms of religion to "Cover us" ( said in his words). Jesus called Himself the green wood. alive and well, and we are the dry wood. Needy and in need of water of nourishment ( Which is where the idea of come to me who thirst and I will quench your thirst forever comes from).

What promise did He keep during that time of the Cross and three days? I'll explain.

Now, why did people say in Matthew 27 verses 39-42:

"And those who passed by blasphemed Him, wagging their heads and saying, “You who destroy the temple and build it in three days, save Yourself! If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross.” Likewise the chief priests also, mocking with the scribes and elders, said, “He saved others; Himself He cannot save. If He is the King of Israel, let Him now come down from the cross, and we will believe Him." ?

John 2:16-21 states:

"And He said to those who sold doves, “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” Then His disciples remembered that it was written, “Zeal for Your house has eaten Me up.” So the Jews answered and said to Him, “What sign do You show to us, since You do these things?” Jesus answered and said to them, “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.” Then the Jews said, “It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and will You raise it up in three days?” But He was speaking of the temple of His body."

"But He was speaking of the temple of His body." ( John 2:21 )

This explains the point Jesus was referring to. However, Not many had even guessed this. They believed it was rather their temple He was talking about. Be aware that many of us are like that. But thank the Lord for showing us the truth, way and life.

Finally, The Sacrifice.

Connect John 14:6, Genesis 17:1, and John 19: 28-30

For you to know John 19: 28-30

"After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!” Now a vessel full of sour wine was sitting there; and they filled a sponge with sour wine, put it on hyssop, and put it to His mouth. So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit."

The perfect examples of Sacrifice. God was showing that we have to give up our lives and become one with Him. He may be a friend to sinners. But He is our Father, Brother and Friend! Will you offer your sacrifice and live forever as your love will grow in Christ and Generations? That choice is yours. God made a choice to save and cleanse us from Judgement by the Holy spirit ( Spiritual Baptism). If you had been baptized in water without offering a sacrifice to the spirit, Then baptisms are useless. Only the spirit can cleanse you and rebirth you in the ways of truth!

Offer your sacrifice today! You will not regret it! If you follow the laws of the Bible, you are not Following Jesus! John 1:17 states:

"For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ."

Do you only care to be in the Laws? or follow the Grace of Christ? I myself think laws are boring.Why not go with grace!? Give your sacrifices today! He loved you and saved you from Judgement (see Revelations). I hope to see you in heaven!


Note: this does not mean to drop your Bible and say grace. No. Read your Bible and see how this makes sense to it all. By what the meaning states:

The law of the Bible is a "religious" state of mind that follows only the rules of it. It does not give you a relationship in Christ. But by following the Grace, you will follow the Laws according to the will of The father in Heaven.

Never lose hope. Read your Holy Bible to know the revelation of Christ!

Basically, do what Jesus had done.

One more thing as well:

Multiplying what you give

We come to Jesus with very little faith when many were not saved (I was one who had no Christian relatives). But why? What is the Gain?

Well, in John 6, Jesus saw that many people were following Him. He tested Philip's faith to Him and asked knowing what to do: " how much money shall we need to feed all these people?" Phillip did answer with 200 silver coins. <- let me explain why he had very little or no Faith. Jesus asked him how, and by his human knowledge he answered. However, he did not trust Jesus. Which would be His lack of faith.

After that, one of the disciples said "a boy gave you 5 loathes of Bread and 2 fishes, but it will not feed them all". But Jesus told them to sit and they all ate.

What is the idea? I'll tell you, that little boy would be that idea of a little faith. With just 7 pieces of food, God himself created 5000 pieces of food! Which means He multiplied your faith.

Basically, if you are a lack in faith, look onto this: "Just a faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains" Matthew 17:20

Be faithful to the Lord and you will multiply.

Say nothing about things but pray about everything. God has answers if you wait for them.

-the wise informer

Hope this helps.  

[Spirit Reborn]

apiyo

I've struggled with judging others, too, and admittedly..still do. It's something I'm currently letting God help me work on. : )

As Christians, we have to show the lost the same love He gave for us, the same mercy, patience, and grace that He's given us so that the lost may turn from their ways and repent. Hate only harbors hate. Love heals all things. Nothing will change if you keep avoiding them.

Please watch this first ♥

Luke 6:37

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;



James 4:11-12

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?



Ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.


Titus 3:2-7

To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, ...  

[911child]

Id suggest just being active in family events, even if family members that you do not like attend, you dont have to talk to them. During the times you have to i suggest just being kind and courteous. This verse comes to mind.

Proverbs 25:21-22
New King James Version (NKJV)
21 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
22 For so you will heap coals of fire on his head,
And the Lord will reward you.

This verse says that if your enemy is hurting in any way, be there for them. Doing this will shame them for being mean to you.  

[Meili Kyumee Youichi]

Romans 12:17-21 ESV

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I'll keep you on my prayer, be strong sis heart  

[apiyo]

Rednal

real eyes realize

Thanks for responding. I'll have to think/pray about it some more. The cousin having the baby isn't that well off financially either so it would be good to pitch in and get her something for her baby. Ya'll right though, decisions shouldn't be based off avoiding conflict. It's a chronic problem for me.

Christiankid_leon_

Not sure how you got the impression think I'm better. Thank you for the timely verses.

Spirit Reborn

Thanks for the response and for a link to that song, it's actually one of my favorites. Again, I won't argue with what other people see.

Also, the reason I pointed out she wasn't married is because of a previous thread about not hanging out with non-Christians like it's normal. Although if the point of the event is to give something to someone then it's probably different.

911child

Meili Kyumee Youichi

Thank you both for that verse. Alot of times Christians do recite those but then something happens and we don't do it sad ,  

[apiyo]

Thanks everyone for responding. My mom, sisters, and I did end up going to the shower. There wasn't any drama, we had a blast, and Jesus even came up. I'm glad we didn't let fear of certain people lead to use missing out. Also she had the baby a week ago. The baby came a few days earlier than expected and my cousin got a short bought of pneumonia, but they're both healthy now.