Boy Advice

[CheyenneServant]

So, I used to like this boy, a preacher's son. We never dated because he's shy but we got close after a couple years of knowing each other.

Then, I decided to "disappear" for a year to grow closer to God and to take care of my handicapped mother.
Now, Josiah (the boy; we are both 18 now) added me on facebook, and then asked me out. Our date went great but then he didn't contact me for 5 days! But when he saw me on that 5th day, he acted kind of distant I thought but then over the coarse of 3 hours together that day, he said he wanted to play monopoly with me that weekend and that he'd try to buy me something nice.


I really want a Godly husband and hoped this date was from God but Josiah doesn't text me or facebook me. He ignores my texts and messages (over the course of a week I sent him two messages he ignored, and then he ignored my text) He's distant. I complain to him about not contacting me and he laughs it off. He said he didn't text me because he worried it cost me. I told him it didn't.


I am really lonely and worry that I come off as needy. I don't want to scare him off. What should I do? How should I take his behavior?  

[real eyes realize]

Hopefully, some of the girls who have courted, are engaged, or are married can chime in because I'm celibate and can't really relate on an emotional level. On that note, I still have some advice: be straightforward with him, especially if he's a fellow believer; ask him about his views on dating/courting/marriage, if he's even interested in ever getting married, and what his interest in you is, specifically, because you are looking to get married with a committed Godly partner, someone who wants to be like Christ and grow in knowledge of him. Of course, pray that God guides you, gives you discernment, and if Josiah is not really interested in commitment, to keep him from committing sexual immorality and leading people on, both for your purity and his.  

[Aquatic_blue]

Is it possible that he's not being distant, he's just busy? I mean, when he's not hanging out with you does he have a job and work or go to school? Does he live with his family and is expected to help them out with anything or eat dinner with them? Does he have church activities (being a preacher's son it could be possible he is encouraged to help often with the ministry and its' activities).

Don't complain to him, because that might just annoy him. If you want to know, get to know him and determine what his activities are. I don't mean this in a stalker type of way, you would pick up on activities after a while like if he says, "I have to go to set up for the church service tonight/tomorrow morning." or, "I have some homework I should really get done..." or, "The family wants me home for dinner." or, "I don't want to go to work tomorrow." Learn more about him before completely assuming he's distant.

Things are only starting here with a relationship. A relationship is like a flower. The flower will only grow with sunshine and rain that the Lord provides so if he is in your relationship - it will grow! When this flower grows because of God and because of both of your efforts in this relationship, it starts to sprout, then over time the stem grows and thickens. Then with even more time, the flower will bud and then it will bloom and be truly magnificent because of all the effort put forth in keeping the relationship alive, pure, and pleasing to God. Getting to know someone takes time.

Not all couples that start dating are going to be talking to each other every waking moment or hanging out together every day because of other obligations.

Get to know him more and after a few months, you should be able to tell if it actually is him being distant, unsure what to do, etc. or why he doesn't always contact you.

When in doubt, don't be afraid to have a heartfelt talk. If you feel he's being distant you can honestly ask him, "I'm not sure why I feel this way...but I feel that you have been distant." or ask, "What do you have planned this week?" and if he tells you, keep a mental note so you know what days you can expect him to be busy.

If things don't add up, trust your gut and most of all, trust in God.  

[Hero just hero]

I think a Guy's answer might be more understandable. Well, it seems that me and the boy you like are not that different. Sometimes we just don't have the words to say. I myself is not shy. Just not a talkative one. Normally, it has to be a friendly relationship before it goes into a deeper one. I use to have a friend like this. But then she wanted to date. It was not a problem. But this was during my time when I was not Christian. Different from the boy you like. Basically, I remember that when a Girl asked me out, I answered her with " I will wait until God says yes." This would be that moment. Basically, just pray for him and ask God " Is he my husband forevermore?" Normally a answer will not come. But this is when people say "your not the one". It seems we rather have a quick response. But we couldn't wait until an answer from God was given. If in doubt, ask God to show you a verse. If it applies yes, then he is meant to be. But remember, don't Rush! I seen my sister in your status as of right now, and she went to quick into it. And it was depressing for her in the end knowing he was never truly the one. She tried to make it work and prayed for him (as would you do as well ). And one day, God answered in a dream. The answer was " Let it Go!" Basically she dropped him from her life and it turns out he was in the world once again. Sad...

But my advice to you is to continue asking God and not focus on this boy. Remember, some things are difficult to handle. But in the end, God will be your husband before your human one. God first smile and see that he will not leave you empty.  

[ChibiHigh]

Thinking about marriage all ready? a little too soon don't you think. I have guys for friends and they do this all the time. They're either 1) busy 2) have nothing to say or 3) they're going through something right now and need some space to sort it out. Freaking out on him won't make the situation better, give him some time, but at the same time be frank with him; tel him that as much as you respect his space you don't like this whole distance thing. If he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore then he should just come out and say it instead of dragging this routine on. He doesn't have to pour his heart out to you, but remind him that if this relationship is gonna work, communication is key- even if it's just a quick "hey I'm in a bad mood right now" text  

[ChibiHigh]

Or you know, he's just super shy and embarrassed and sucks at talking sweatdrop  

[apiyo]

ChibiHigh

Thinking about marriage all ready? a little too soon don't you think.

I disagree. Society short-changes people, especially girls, by telling them it's wrong to want to be married too young and by the time they get permission from society it is really late. A young woman should be allowed to want to be a wife if that's a desire she has.

Maybe he is busy or maybe he isn't a good communicator, hanging around him more will probably answer that question so you have to pay attention to how he is. However, of all the married men I've ever talked about that were serious they didn't play games, they actually pursued the women that are their wives now. So if you keep talking to him and he really isn't serious, take his word for it or you'll be leading him along forever.  

[ChibiHigh]

apiyo

ChibiHigh

Thinking about marriage all ready? a little too soon don't you think.

I disagree. Society short-changes people, especially girls, by telling them it's wrong to want to be married too young and by the time they get permission from society it is really late. A young woman should be allowed to want to be a wife if that's a desire she has.

Maybe he is busy or maybe he isn't a good communicator, hanging around him more will probably answer that question so you have to pay attention to how he is. However, of all the married men I've ever talked about that were serious they didn't play games, they actually pursued the women that are their wives now. So if you keep talking to him and he really isn't serious, take his word for it or you'll be leading him along forever.

I didn't mean age, I meant from what I can read it seems like they're early in their relationship  

[ChibiHigh]

apiyo

ChibiHigh

Thinking about marriage all ready? a little too soon don't you think.

I disagree. Society short-changes people, especially girls, by telling them it's wrong to want to be married too young and by the time they get permission from society it is really late. A young woman should be allowed to want to be a wife if that's a desire she has.

Maybe he is busy or maybe he isn't a good communicator, hanging around him more will probably answer that question so you have to pay attention to how he is. However, of all the married men I've ever talked about that were serious they didn't play games, they actually pursued the women that are their wives now. So if you keep talking to him and he really isn't serious, take his word for it or you'll be leading him along forever.

And there is such a thing as being to soon to marry  

[CheyenneServant]

Aquatic_blue

Is it possible that he's not being distant, he's just busy? I mean, when he's not hanging out with you does he have a job and work or go to school? Does he live with his family and is expected to help them out with anything or eat dinner with them? Does he have church activities (being a preacher's son it could be possible he is encouraged to help often with the ministry and its' activities).

Don't complain to him, because that might just annoy him. If you want to know, get to know him and determine what his activities are. I don't mean this in a stalker type of way, you would pick up on activities after a while like if he says, "I have to go to set up for the church service tonight/tomorrow morning." or, "I have some homework I should really get done..." or, "The family wants me home for dinner." or, "I don't want to go to work tomorrow." Learn more about him before completely assuming he's distant.

Things are only starting here with a relationship. A relationship is like a flower. The flower will only grow with sunshine and rain that the Lord provides so if he is in your relationship - it will grow! When this flower grows because of God and because of both of your efforts in this relationship, it starts to sprout, then over time the stem grows and thickens. Then with even more time, the flower will bud and then it will bloom and be truly magnificent because of all the effort put forth in keeping the relationship alive, pure, and pleasing to God. Getting to know someone takes time.

Not all couples that start dating are going to be talking to each other every waking moment or hanging out together every day because of other obligations.

Get to know him more and after a few months, you should be able to tell if it actually is him being distant, unsure what to do, etc. or why he doesn't always contact you.

When in doubt, don't be afraid to have a heartfelt talk. If you feel he's being distant you can honestly ask him, "I'm not sure why I feel this way...but I feel that you have been distant." or ask, "What do you have planned this week?" and if he tells you, keep a mental note so you know what days you can expect him to be busy.

If things don't add up, trust your gut and most of all, trust in God.

Thank you for this reply. It has helped me. I know he's taking 9 units in college, has a job, lives with his family plus his whole family runs their own church. So, I do hope he is busy and not avoiding me. It's been a week since we last had contact. I am waiting for him to send the contact so I don't appear needy. Good idea?  

[CheyenneServant]

Christiankid_leon_

I think a Guy's answer might be more understandable. Well, it seems that me and the boy you like are not that different. Sometimes we just don't have the words to say. I myself is not shy. Just not a talkative one. Normally, it has to be a friendly relationship before it goes into a deeper one. I use to have a friend like this. But then she wanted to date. It was not a problem. But this was during my time when I was not Christian. Different from the boy you like. Basically, I remember that when a Girl asked me out, I answered her with " I will wait until God says yes." This would be that moment. Basically, just pray for him and ask God " Is he my husband forevermore?" Normally a answer will not come. But this is when people say "your not the one". It seems we rather have a quick response. But we couldn't wait until an answer from God was given. If in doubt, ask God to show you a verse. If it applies yes, then he is meant to be. But remember, don't Rush! I seen my sister in your status as of right now, and she went to quick into it. And it was depressing for her in the end knowing he was never truly the one. She tried to make it work and prayed for him (as would you do as well ). And one day, God answered in a dream. The answer was " Let it Go!" Basically she dropped him from her life and it turns out he was in the world once again. Sad...

But my advice to you is to continue asking God and not focus on this boy. Remember, some things are difficult to handle. But in the end, God will be your husband before your human one. God first smile and see that he will not leave you empty.

Thank you for this reply, Leon. You are very helpful.
I am trying to put God first. I say to God "if we don't work out or do, I will put you first."
I am trying to stay true to my word.  

[CheyenneServant]

apiyo

ChibiHigh

Thinking about marriage all ready? a little too soon don't you think.

I disagree. Society short-changes people, especially girls, by telling them it's wrong to want to be married too young and by the time they get permission from society it is really late. A young woman should be allowed to want to be a wife if that's a desire she has.

Maybe he is busy or maybe he isn't a good communicator, hanging around him more will probably answer that question so you have to pay attention to how he is. However, of all the married men I've ever talked about that were serious they didn't play games, they actually pursued the women that are their wives now. So if you keep talking to him and he really isn't serious, take his word for it or you'll be leading him along forever.

Thanks for telling me.
This was good advice.
I'm glad you told me this.
He gives me mixed signles.  

[CheyenneServant]

ChibiHigh

Thinking about marriage all ready? a little too soon don't you think. I have guys for friends and they do this all the time. They're either 1) busy 2) have nothing to say or 3) they're going through something right now and need some space to sort it out. Freaking out on him won't make the situation better, give him some time, but at the same time be frank with him; tel him that as much as you respect his space you don't like this whole distance thing. If he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore then he should just come out and say it instead of dragging this routine on. He doesn't have to pour his heart out to you, but remind him that if this relationship is gonna work, communication is key- even if it's just a quick "hey I'm in a bad mood right now" text

thanks for telling me, Chibi.
I'll give him space until he comes to me.  

[Aquatic_blue]

Jesuslittleprincess

Aquatic_blue

Is it possible that he's not being distant, he's just busy? I mean, when he's not hanging out with you does he have a job and work or go to school? Does he live with his family and is expected to help them out with anything or eat dinner with them? Does he have church activities (being a preacher's son it could be possible he is encouraged to help often with the ministry and its' activities).

Don't complain to him, because that might just annoy him. If you want to know, get to know him and determine what his activities are. I don't mean this in a stalker type of way, you would pick up on activities after a while like if he says, "I have to go to set up for the church service tonight/tomorrow morning." or, "I have some homework I should really get done..." or, "The family wants me home for dinner." or, "I don't want to go to work tomorrow." Learn more about him before completely assuming he's distant.

Things are only starting here with a relationship. A relationship is like a flower. The flower will only grow with sunshine and rain that the Lord provides so if he is in your relationship - it will grow! When this flower grows because of God and because of both of your efforts in this relationship, it starts to sprout, then over time the stem grows and thickens. Then with even more time, the flower will bud and then it will bloom and be truly magnificent because of all the effort put forth in keeping the relationship alive, pure, and pleasing to God. Getting to know someone takes time.

Not all couples that start dating are going to be talking to each other every waking moment or hanging out together every day because of other obligations.

Get to know him more and after a few months, you should be able to tell if it actually is him being distant, unsure what to do, etc. or why he doesn't always contact you.

When in doubt, don't be afraid to have a heartfelt talk. If you feel he's being distant you can honestly ask him, "I'm not sure why I feel this way...but I feel that you have been distant." or ask, "What do you have planned this week?" and if he tells you, keep a mental note so you know what days you can expect him to be busy.

If things don't add up, trust your gut and most of all, trust in God.

Thank you for this reply. It has helped me. I know he's taking 9 units in college, has a job, lives with his family plus his whole family runs their own church. So, I do hope he is busy and not avoiding me. It's been a week since we last had contact. I am waiting for him to send the contact so I don't appear needy. Good idea?

That can be a good idea if you don't text him when you know he's super busy or text once in a while. It all depends on you, though - be yourself. If someone falls in love with you, you want it to be that they love you for you.

Considering he's in college and have a job as well as helping with ministry, I am unsure how he has one waking moment to spend time with other people outside of that. Although, sometimes life gets busy and we can only do so much.  

[CheyenneServant]

Aquatic_blue

Jesuslittleprincess

Aquatic_blue

Is it possible that he's not being distant, he's just busy? I mean, when he's not hanging out with you does he have a job and work or go to school? Does he live with his family and is expected to help them out with anything or eat dinner with them? Does he have church activities (being a preacher's son it could be possible he is encouraged to help often with the ministry and its' activities).

Don't complain to him, because that might just annoy him. If you want to know, get to know him and determine what his activities are. I don't mean this in a stalker type of way, you would pick up on activities after a while like if he says, "I have to go to set up for the church service tonight/tomorrow morning." or, "I have some homework I should really get done..." or, "The family wants me home for dinner." or, "I don't want to go to work tomorrow." Learn more about him before completely assuming he's distant.

Things are only starting here with a relationship. A relationship is like a flower. The flower will only grow with sunshine and rain that the Lord provides so if he is in your relationship - it will grow! When this flower grows because of God and because of both of your efforts in this relationship, it starts to sprout, then over time the stem grows and thickens. Then with even more time, the flower will bud and then it will bloom and be truly magnificent because of all the effort put forth in keeping the relationship alive, pure, and pleasing to God. Getting to know someone takes time.

Not all couples that start dating are going to be talking to each other every waking moment or hanging out together every day because of other obligations.

Get to know him more and after a few months, you should be able to tell if it actually is him being distant, unsure what to do, etc. or why he doesn't always contact you.

When in doubt, don't be afraid to have a heartfelt talk. If you feel he's being distant you can honestly ask him, "I'm not sure why I feel this way...but I feel that you have been distant." or ask, "What do you have planned this week?" and if he tells you, keep a mental note so you know what days you can expect him to be busy.

If things don't add up, trust your gut and most of all, trust in God.

Thank you for this reply. It has helped me. I know he's taking 9 units in college, has a job, lives with his family plus his whole family runs their own church. So, I do hope he is busy and not avoiding me. It's been a week since we last had contact. I am waiting for him to send the contact so I don't appear needy. Good idea?

That can be a good idea if you don't text him when you know he's super busy or text once in a while. It all depends on you, though - be yourself. If someone falls in love with you, you want it to be that they love you for you.

Considering he's in college and have a job as well as helping with ministry, I am unsure how he has one waking moment to spend time with other people outside of that. Although, sometimes life gets busy and we can only do so much.

I prayed a lot about this, hoping that this was from the Lord. This boy has stopped contacting me and seems to have lost interest.
Ah, well, it wasn't meant to be.
Thank you though for all the advice.
God is healing my heart.
I think me telling his best friend how God cured my homosexuality played a part in this boy losing interest.
Also, the fact that I speak in tounges may bother him.