"Because I told you so." Is that really a reason?

[Jebebo]

When a parent is giving a kid a rule, and the kid asks why, a very common reply is, "Because I told you so." My parents did it, and many other parents I heard did. But let me assure you, if I ever become I parent, I will never say that.

Why? Because if I have rules, I will have reasons for those rules. And if I have reasons, why in the world would I want to hide those reasons? It angers me SO much to hear parents say those words. It seriously just sounds like parents make up rules for no reason but to make them selves feel powerful or in control or something. If you want your kid to obey the rules, it will be far more effective to give them reasons as to why those rules are in place. And it will help keep a good parent to child relationship. Nobody likes tyrants.

This is definitely the thing that angers me the most of things that most parents seem to do.

So if you are parent, and you do this, please tell me why. I would love to know. And for anyone who's parents said this to you, how did that make you feel?  

[Kitalpha Hart]

My mom uses a variation of "Bacause I said so" even now
And I'm 18, not a kid. Gimmie a reason! (♯｀∧´)  

[Sweater Panda]

I completely agree with you! I would never say something like that to my child. First, I'm a very well-detailed person who needs a reason for everything. That answer just doesn't satisfy me one bit. Now that I got older, my parents don't say that to me as much, but they still say it, which annoys me so much. It sounds really conceited to me. It also sounds like you think that you're of a higher authority than everyone else, and that you have the entitlement to boss others around without giving a damn. No offense to anyone. That's just how I generally see things like that. I don't know if you're too lazy to give a straight answer or what, but it feels so good to rant. Sorry if I offended anyone. That was unintentional.  

[hollow_lizard]

My parents have never said that to me but I have seen other people say it to their children and it has always bugged me.

I'm not a parent yet but my husband and I are planning on having a child within the next two years and I know I will never say that phrase to them. I might say, "ill explain later, or not now," if the place is an inappropriate place for the discussion, such as a grocery store or relative's house, but not on a regular basis. I just believe that if you can't come up with a good reason for a rule it probably Isn't a good rule to began with. It drives me crazy when parents act like their grown up child is their underling that has to have every single belief and idea that they do. In fact, just the other day, I forgot why, I went to my mom's house and told her thank you for raising me not to blindly follow authority and to have my own opinion and ideas. She was surprised about this. but I really am grateful for it especially when I see other adults my age unsure how to make a decision or come up with a reason for their decisions on their own.  

[ChiffaniChan]

My parents said it to me, and I understand why now, because they should have to explain their self to a child. Children understand better than people think they to and do not need explanations for everything, or else they will being to think of loop holes for the that they were doing or rules they were given.

It does not anger me at all, and I don't care how mad a kid gets about it. I have said it too both of my little sisters. I do not have to list reasons for them not to do something, they should just do it with out being a brat. You don't need a reason for something super obvious.  

[Lady Kira X]

I'll have no problem saying it.


The only time I've ever gotten mad at my mom for pulling the "I said so" bit was when she yelled at me & my sister for sitting in the drive way. Then she got mad when we sat in the back yard. She wouldn't explain WHY she was so angry & so it made a screaming match.

Later just found out she had a bad feeling about us being outside that night, I guess if she had just said that instead of snapping at us, it wouldn't of been such an issue.  

[Raeiko]

ChiffaniChan

My parents said it to me, and I understand why now, because they should have to explain their self to a child. Children understand better than people think they to and do not need explanations for everything, or else they will being to think of loop holes for the that they were doing or rules they were given.

It does not anger me at all, and I don't care how mad a kid gets about it. I have said it too both of my little sisters. I do not have to list reasons for them not to do something, they should just do it with out being a brat. You don't need a reason for something super obvious.

I agree with u  

[xoAniLuv]

I didn't like being told that as a child. Still don't like being told that as a teenager, either. It's nice to at least get some kind of explanation. If not, one will just keep on doing what it is that they're doing.  

[Jebebo]

ChiffaniChan

My parents said it to me, and I understand why now, because they should have to explain their self to a child. Children understand better than people think they to and do not need explanations for everything, or else they will being to think of loop holes for the that they were doing or rules they were given.

It does not anger me at all, and I don't care how mad a kid gets about it. I have said it too both of my little sisters. I do not have to list reasons for them not to do something, they should just do it with out being a brat. You don't need a reason for something super obvious.

If they are asking why then it is not super obvious. "look for loopholes?" What do mean exactly? Try to counter your reason somehow? Maybe prove your wrong? If you are really worried about that then you are definitely making rules for the wrong reasons.
Yes, children are smart, so they should not be expected to blindly follow rules without reason. They know that "because I told you so" just means "I don't have a reason, I just like bossing you around, now do as I say." Which will teach the kid nothing, and they will be likely to rebel.  

[r a i n i i_d a i s]

❝ My parents are very traditional, and said that phrase to me mainly because they wanted to teach me to respect/obey those who are older than me.

However, the phrase still doesn't provide a reason.. ❞  

[Strawberry Requiem]

I'm raising my nephew, and I say it to him all the time.

The thing is, though, he has ADHD and ODD. For those who don't know, ODD is a behavioral disorder that usually accompanies ADHD, and it results in the person with the disorder often thinking that they know best and not respecting proper authority. My nephew (who is eight, I might add), is the epitome of this. He's always questioning the rules, and will often try to manipulate myself or others to bend the rules to his liking. And, if he doesn't think your answer to why he cannot or has to do something is not satisfactory, will often break out into screaming temper tantrums, and isn't shy about doing this in public situations. He also thinks that by asking for the reason repeatedly, and by repeatedly, I mean 20+ times, that he will be allowed to do as he pleases. He usually knows why he isn't allowed to do something, he just thinks that whatever reason I give will not hold up to whatever reason he concocted.

So, me saying it is to instill in him a respect for adults and for authority figures. At his age, most children know why they need to either do or not do what they're instructed, a lot of times, they're just testing their boundaries; it's part of their development.  

[ChiffaniChan]

Jebebo

ChiffaniChan

My parents said it to me, and I understand why now, because they should have to explain their self to a child. Children understand better than people think they to and do not need explanations for everything, or else they will being to think of loop holes for the that they were doing or rules they were given.

It does not anger me at all, and I don't care how mad a kid gets about it. I have said it too both of my little sisters. I do not have to list reasons for them not to do something, they should just do it with out being a brat. You don't need a reason for something super obvious.

If they are asking why then it is not super obvious. "look for loopholes?" What do mean exactly? Try to counter your reason somehow? Maybe prove your wrong? If you are really worried about that then you are definitely making rules for the wrong reasons.
Yes, children are smart, so they should not be expected to blindly follow rules without reason. They know that "because I told you so" just means "I don't have a reason, I just like bossing you around, now do as I say." Which will teach the kid nothing, and they will be likely to rebel.

They were asking to be brats, because it was super obvious. So, I think I know my own sisters. Looking for loopholes means what it said, and no "you are definitely making rules for the wrong reasons." there are rules and none of them were for the "wrong" reason. Sorry, a child should not question a parent's/adults authority, and whine and ask why when they do not want to do or listen to someone of authority. You sound bitter though. Like I said before, I was told that by both of my parents, they had their reasons, but they should have to explain their self to a child, a child should listen. If a child rebels they would have anyways because of parenting, because I never rebelled so your "theory" is wrong. My twin did not also. It's not bossing around, it's called learning, you don't get to go to work as an adult and whine and cry about why you have to do something, because if you do you get fired or your hours get cut back, so you do learn something, and that is one of the things that teaches.  

[OneWeekRainisu]

It's funny how some distance
makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me
can't get to me at all.
Up here in the cold thin air
I finally can breath.
I know I left a life behind,
but I'm too relieved to GRIEVE.

★☆★≎≎≎≎≎≎≎≎❤≎≎≎≎≎≎≎≎★☆★


Since my Niece was born I have taken care of her from age 3weeks to 2 years. I always thought that the phrase, "Because I said so.", was stupid, redundant, and rude. Til' I took care of a child for that long. You start to realize why it even exists.

Child: "But, Why can't I go outside."
Me: "Its raining, and you don't have the right cloths for that."
Child: "But, WHY can't I go outside." (as thought your reason wasn't enough)
Me: "Its muddy, wet, and cold. I also don't have the right cloths for that."
Child: "But, I want to go outside."
Me: "Its raining, when it stops we can go out."
Child: "But, I want to go outside, now..."
Me: "You have to wait."
Child: "But, why can't I go outside."
Me: "Because I said so." (mostly just said why they get to their wits end with you)

Actually, this really did happen to me, only it was snowing heavily. "Because I said so" seems to be the only thing that can make kids stop asking. I know it doesn't seem fair at times, and you might not like it, but most times there is a reason for this phrase. I'm not sure about any of your parents, but this is the reason I and my parents have used it. Really, its because you just keep nagging, try just saying okay, you might learn that you can build a bridge over this.

Other phrases I use on children, that my parents used on me: "What is wrong with you?" "You did what!?!" "Use your words." "Take a deep breath. Let it out. Now, what did you want to tell me?" "Did you wash your hands?" "What is on your face?" "If it's not yours, DON'T TOUCH IT." "Do you need to go to time out?" "Go to your room and think about what you just did."(best one yet!) "Eat your food or go to bed with out any." "Stop it or I'll pop it." "You want your toys? Pick them up." "Clean up after yourself." *mommy glare*(that puts the fear of God in teenagers too)

I also have never spoken "baby talk" to my niece or any child I've baby sat. That is reserved for my cats and dog, and when I'm patronizing someone.

★☆★≎≎≎≎≎≎≎≎❤≎≎≎≎≎≎≎≎★☆★

Standing FROZEN in the life I've chosen.
You won't find me, the past is so behind me.
BURIED IN THE STORM