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 Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 4:52 pm
Okay so... a while back, around December 29th. I was raped. I know, this is sounding horrible already. Well, This guy, he noticed I was drinking and started offering me drinks, we we're raised like family, like I counted him as a cousin and all, so I didn't question him. Yes, I admit im too young to drink and that was the last time I drunk, but where I live, everyone does. Like theres literally 12 year olds sitting in the park, smoking cigarets stolen from their mothers....
Back to the story. This guy was like my best friend, he has a lot of s**t on me. So, he got me so drunk I passed out and I honestly don't know what happened. Two of my mothers friends actually followed us around for a while (I dont remember) and told my mother what had happened. Anyways, he's legally and adult (over 1 cool and I'm sixteen. Im guessing this counts as rape because I really didn't know what was going on at all.
Ever since that happened, Ive had bad dreams (I fall asleep at 4 am.) , night terrors, panic attacks, and I cant stop crying when Im alone. I feel like worthless trash every waking second, I cant stand it. Ive had depression for a while and had gotten a lot better, like I was completely happy about life... and then this happens. And im so hurt he'd do that because, he knew how easy it was to trigger my depression.
I don't want to take him to court because justice here is screwed up and he's been telling people lies about me. Like, I know his biggest secret, which is both a**l herpes and another one I still dont have the heart to mention. He tells peoples lies about me and that I wasn't a virgin (While I was and hopefully still am) and saying that me and my best female friend (who has a boyfriend) have sex infront of him when he wants.
I dont know what to do, I go from school to my house, I use to hate being in my house. I really dont know if it even counts as rape. I don't know what to do. All I really want is to move away where nobody knows me and I can hopefully forget but my mother calls that being a coward and wont let me leave. Any help anyone can offer?
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Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 7:25 pm
I've never been in a situation like that, but it sounds really tough. It sucks that your mom won't let you guys move away. I don't think it's cowardly to want to start over. It must be torture to have to see him everyday. I don't have much advice to give, but I'm going to send you a gift via Gaia. I hope it helps you feel better, even if just a little. emotion_bigheart For now I think you should just try to focus on finishing school and graduating. You can get a job, become independent and move out once you're ready. Try getting accepted to a college out of state, that way even if you aren't ready to move, you can still be elsewhere, like living in a dorm for awhile. It won't be forever, but you won't have to be around that creep...
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Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 7:39 pm
You can't give consent if you are unconscious, or not in right mind. And you have your mother's friends to say what happened and they seem to be on your side from what you are saying. You have a case if you think reporting him will make you feel better.
My thoughts
If more people stand up to report rape when they occur, regardless of the possible outcome, what they think of the justice system...ect. It's the right way to fight against it happening again.
I know you are probably hurt right now and the thought of lawyers isn't the best thing to go with your emotions, but standing up for your rights is a good idea. And as much as you want to move away, moving every-time something bad happens isn't easy for anyone.
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 11:00 am
I know I should report but just the thoughts about all the rumors people are going to start, and our friends ignoring me, probably parents not wanting their kids to befriend me for a bad name. I don't think I could take that much hate sent in my direction. The only good feeling I get is that he was thrown out of my grandparents house. He lived there because he didn't want to work and my grandparents fed him and gave him money, at least now he has to work for it instead of receiving from those that barely have.
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 11:08 am
My plans are somehow getting accepted in a U.S school, where he'll never go. Even in school, I can be feeling happy and he'll send a message with a friend and that just throws my whole day off. I don't feel right talking to friends in common because of the s**t he's spreading. All I can think is, if I ever have kids or the same situation happens to someone close, I want to get over this so I can support others who its happened to. Special if a child I have (hopefully nothing like it will happen to them.) , it'll just be proof that rough times smooth out at some point. Which I pray is true. I thank you a lot for the gift smile It was completely nice and im very thankful for it. I'll wear it once I re-do my avi into actually looking like me. smile Thanks for your kind words and understanding, I agree with the high-school/university thing. Those should be my priorities now, not what others think.
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 12:08 pm
Your mother is wrong. You aren't obligated to stay there and see his terrible face and be reminded of what he did to you. You're not a coward for wanting to get away from him.
If you never take him to court, that is your decision, and if you decide to that's your decision too. Don't let anyone try to persuade you otherwise.
You aren't trash for being raped, you're a survivor and so so strong! You can't give consent if you're drunk or passed out. Don't let him or anyone try to tell you it was "your fault" because it wasn't. He's the only one who has done something wrong.
As for getting out of there, well, once you reach 18 your mom can't stop you. Until then surround yourself with good friends and focusing on school and things that make you happy, even if it's just, like, Gaia or pictures of cats. Anything he says to you is just his attempts at trying to justify in his mind what he did to you - even though he can't.
Good luck babe emotion_bigheart
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 5:14 pm
I understand the turmoil you are going through. Rape is a serious issue and a mighty weight to have on your shoulders. First thing you should do is talk to your counselor at school, I know how scary that seems, but if you feel like you can't even go home to a save environment it is best. Don't claim rape right away. Just tell him/her of your situation. Perhaps proper research on Rape Victim side-effects. Running away isn't always the solution, sometimes you have to punch life in the face and tell it "This is my turn to live, not yours." It took me 4 years to ignore the frustration, only because I never told anyone. I had focused on my future than my past. Going to college, finding my career. Do what you think is best. For you.
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 6:51 pm
emotion_kirakira Your avie is so darn cute!
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 9:13 pm
Chemism emotion_kirakira Your avie is so darn cute! thank you!
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:10 pm
You dont know if you're still a virgin or not??
I suggest that be the VERY first thing you do before jumping to conclusions!! First thing other than telling your parents what you think happened to you and what you remember, is going to see a doctor about STIs, Preg Test, and if you know you were a virgin before the incident then a hymen test thing to be sure! Oh, and maybe talk to a doctor about your depression as you can get meds for that~ if you haven't already. Does sound like something most people close to you know of though.
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:54 pm
I have broken my hymen before. I horseback ride... a lot, and I asked my mom about the blood on my panties once after I came back from a trail, I wasn't on my period and she said it was probably that. :/ Im one of those people who can be inside my house, well, now im like that but before I was too bouncy and pepped up. Im not pregnant since I just finished my period yesterday TMI. Also, im a bit too scared to visit a gynecologist. I know its stupid but I believe that if I go to one and it shows up that something did happen, then its too real for me to ignore. Right now, as long as im not thinking, im ok.
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:58 pm
Nyan_Cupcakes I have broken my hymen before. I horseback ride... a lot, and I asked my mom about the blood on my panties once after I came back from a trail, I wasn't on my period and she said it was probably that. :/ Im one of those people who can be inside my house, well, now im like that but before I was too bouncy and pepped up. Im not pregnant since I just finished my period yesterday TMI. Also, im a bit too scared to visit a gynecologist. I know its stupid but I believe that if I go to one and it shows up that something did happen, then its too real for me to ignore. Right now, as long as im not thinking, im ok. Hm. Then if you think of it that way, why so worked up over it in the first place? If you aren't ready for the real possiblity that it may have happened, then forget about it~ But if you dreams wont let you, then you have no choice but to do something to put your mind at ease. Its your choice if you want to live with it alone, or live with it and get help from medical personnel for physical and mental reasons. There is a difference and one choice will make you feel all the better for it rather than silently cursing yourself and baring with nightmares for how ever long it takes your mind to put it in the past.
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:01 pm
Funny thing... my school only has a personal psychologist for this boy in my class who's not mentally healthy. Also, he's obsessed with me and says we're getting married soon, he had a shiny red car in U.S, won the lottery, and got signed with the Yankees. I attract the weirdos apparently :/ I dont trust the doctors in this town because they all spread rumors and secrets. I know i should be standing up to this, though every time I do and pretend it isnt a deal, he sends a message and I slump back into hating myself. I just want to finish school, find a job in U.S (living there is my dream.) and forgetting it happened. I know strong people get over it and accept it, Ive always admired strong people and wanted to be strong, just not this time.
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:13 pm
I just, I don't worry much when I'm awake, but once I start getting lost in thought/daydreaming, It comes back. My dream patterns are slowly lining up with my sleep meds though I still wake up at 5am, a bit jumpy. Im hoping that dies down. I have no interest ATM, in dating, I still like guys though being in a relationship puts me on edge. I want to go to my psycologist, she's great and very straight forward, but I dont want her spilling my feelings and thoughts onto my parents, they deal with enough. I want to leave it completely alone, and I know I wont be able to by ignoring it, but I want my 'getting better' to occur in secret, where my parents will just notice my mood going up not actually seeing the whole change
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 8:55 pm
Its up to you.
I just don't want to hear you getting worked up over it and rambling online looking for help. Cause you won't get much other than sympathy and people telling you to see a doctor and etc etc. Its not going to help you feel any better, not unless you actually ACT in RL to heal yourself mentally for what may or may not have happened.
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