When to guard your heart? confused woman

[DustQueen]

Hi,

I'm 24, been in a christ-centered relationship with a man in the Army for a year and half. We are both growing together, and individually in our walk with Jesus. He is in IT in the military, and going through officer training while in college. He's a new believer (less than 2 years with Christ).

We have been growing closer and are pretty sure we are heading in the direction of getting engaged within the next two years. I am finishing my major and he's in the last 2 years of his. After college, he'll still be in IT, a non-battle oriented job class. I felt that we have been growing closer and really maturing as a couple.

Out of the blue, he tells me he is strongly considering starting Airborne school or Ranger school. For those not familiar with military speak - this means jumping out of airplanes into combat zones, or elite infantry training. He says he only wants to do the schooling for it. . . but I have a hard time believing that is where it will stop.

What happened? One minute I think we are reaching a very close and beautiful time in our relationship and considering engagement... and the next he tells me he wants to do one of the most dangerous things in the Army.
And I'm just at a loss for words.

Why does he want to do this, and put himself in very real danger (training accidents are even more common than being KIA) when he has a future with me, and possibly kids and family?
Did I miss something? Is he not ready to settle down like I thought?
Is he trying to get in one last hoorah in before settling down? (the civilian equivalent to buying a dirt bike)
Is he afraid of settling down, and not ready to stop being a kid?

I dont understand. Please... any clarification or advice would be great.

I'm hoping to hear from Christian women who have been in serious relationships or married and Christian men who are 23+ (or married)  

[Abundant Merci]

DustQueen

Hi,

I'm 24, been in a christ-centered relationship with a man in the Army for a year and half. We are both growing together, and individually in our walk with Jesus. He is in IT in the military, and going through officer training while in college. He's a new believer (less than 2 years with Christ).

We have been growing closer and are pretty sure we are heading in the direction of getting engaged within the next two years. I am finishing my major and he's in the last 2 years of his. After college, he'll still be in IT, a non-battle oriented job class. I felt that we have been growing closer and really maturing as a couple.

Out of the blue, he tells me he is strongly considering starting Airborne school or Ranger school. For those not familiar with military speak - this means jumping out of airplanes into combat zones, or elite infantry training. He says he only wants to do the schooling for it. . . but I have a hard time believing that is where it will stop.

What happened? One minute I think we are reaching a very close and beautiful time in our relationship and considering engagement... and the next he tells me he wants to do one of the most dangerous things in the Army.
And I'm just at a loss for words.

Why does he want to do this, and put himself in very real danger (training accidents are even more common than being KIA) when he has a future with me, and possibly kids and family?
Did I miss something? Is he not ready to settle down like I thought?
Is he trying to get in one last hoorah in before settling down? (the civilian equivalent to buying a dirt bike)
Is he afraid of settling down, and not ready to stop being a kid?

I dont understand. Please... any clarification or advice would be great.

I'm hoping to hear from Christian women who have been in serious relationships or married and Christian men who are 23+ (or married)

Hi DustQueen,

First off, I'd like to tell you that I am not married. I am a 19 year old woman who has befriended many beautiful Christian couples. I've seen just about everything, so please trust God and try to find truth in the words I am about to say (verses casting it aside because of age).

So, I'm going to start with the obvious: If you were reaching a beautiful time in your relationship, why aren't you relating these feelings to him? Have you asked him these questions? If you two were truly considering something as serious as marriage, I'm fairly sure he won't lie to you about his intentions.

If he's afraid of settling down, he would tell you.

Also, you shouldn't directly assume it's because he doesn't want to settle down. Men were made with the courageous gene. Maybe he wants to be more skilled before getting married. Maybe he wants to be able to protect you in any situation. You might be right. Maybe he's afraid to settle down.

But that's not for you to decide on your own, and definitely not for somebody who doesn't know him to answer. Only he and God know the answer, and only one of them is going to answer you face to face.

A marriage built on God means being truthful with each other, so if you're aiming to be married anytime soon, now is the perfect time to start. If he says he just wants to do training, make an effort to believe everything he's saying.

So, my advice is to you is to talk to him about it. Ask him to be completely truthful about his intentions and feelings toward the training, so that if he truly wants to be an elite he won't be afraid to be honest with you. But, you should also be praying for him AND with him. Pray for his guidance on the decision, pray that you would have courage if he decides to go, and I'll pray for you as well.  

[Batyah]

DustQueen

Hi,

I'm 24, been in a christ-centered relationship with a man in the Army for a year and half. We are both growing together, and individually in our walk with Jesus. He is in IT in the military, and going through officer training while in college. He's a new believer (less than 2 years with Christ).

We have been growing closer and are pretty sure we are heading in the direction of getting engaged within the next two years. I am finishing my major and he's in the last 2 years of his. After college, he'll still be in IT, a non-battle oriented job class. I felt that we have been growing closer and really maturing as a couple.

Out of the blue, he tells me he is strongly considering starting Airborne school or Ranger school. For those not familiar with military speak - this means jumping out of airplanes into combat zones, or elite infantry training. He says he only wants to do the schooling for it. . . but I have a hard time believing that is where it will stop.

What happened? One minute I think we are reaching a very close and beautiful time in our relationship and considering engagement... and the next he tells me he wants to do one of the most dangerous things in the Army.
And I'm just at a loss for words.

Why does he want to do this, and put himself in very real danger (training accidents are even more common than being KIA) when he has a future with me, and possibly kids and family?
Did I miss something? Is he not ready to settle down like I thought?
Is he trying to get in one last hoorah in before settling down? (the civilian equivalent to buying a dirt bike)
Is he afraid of settling down, and not ready to stop being a kid?

I dont understand. Please... any clarification or advice would be great.

I'm hoping to hear from Christian women who have been in serious relationships or married and Christian men who are 23+ (or married)

hello there, i am another married woman. and this is very common. its a guy thing. it could be fear or masculinity or just needing a change of life for a bit. just talk to him about it but dont freak out. guys do sudden changes without any hint of it. its just them growing and changing.