When to guard your heart? Advice Please

[DustQueen]

Hi,

I'm 24, been in a christ-centered relationship with a man in the Army for a year and half. We are both growing together, and individually in our walk with Jesus. He is in IT in the military, and going through officer training while in college. He's a new believer (less than 2 years with Christ).

We have been growing closer and are pretty sure we are heading in the direction of getting engaged within the next two years. I am finishing my major and he's in the last 2 years of his. After college, he'll still be in IT, a non-battle oriented job class. I felt that we have been growing closer and really maturing as a couple.

Out of the blue, he tells me he is strongly considering starting Airborne school or Ranger school. For those not familiar with military speak - this means jumping out of airplanes into combat zones, or elite infantry training. He says he only wants to do the schooling for it. . . but I have a hard time believing that is where it will stop.

What happened? One minute I think we are reaching a very close and beautiful time in our relationship and considering engagement... and the next he tells me he wants to do one of the most dangerous things in the Army.
And I'm just at a loss for words.

Why does he want to do this, and put himself in very real danger (training accidents are even more common than being KIA) when he has a future with me, and possibly kids and family?
Did I miss something? Is he not ready to settle down like I thought?
Is he trying to get in one last hoorah in before settling down? (the civilian equivalent to buying a dirt bike)
Is he afraid of settling down, and not ready to stop being a kid?

I dont understand. Please... any clarification or advice would be great.

I'm hoping to hear from Christian women who have been in serious relationships or married and Christian men who are 23+ (or married)  

[So Real Chick]

I'm 23, not married or familiar with military speak but all I can say is that maybe he needs a little bit more growing to do since he is a new believer.

When considering engagement or marriage I feel like it is important to find a partner who is equally yoked as you are in faith. If you guys are on different maturity and spiritual levels than the relationship drags a little on one side and someone might be making compromises they will regret. The goal is to grow together in Christ not to have all the weight on one person.

I hope that helps like I said I don't have much experience with this. God bless. heart  

[Grace from God]

I'm married, and I do have a husband who wanted to become a sniper when he was in high school. This was before he was a Christian. When he got saved, I guess you can say his desire to go into the military died out because he thought training would take away his focus on God, especially since he loves everything about modern military stuff and hunting.

My only advice is that you both talk this through, that you both have a transparent idea on each others plans for the future. Communication is extremely important in a relationship. Assuming things between each other can be disastrous in a relationship. I know tensions may rise because of varying wills, but the only thing that matters is God's Will for the both of you.

Remember, God is sovereign. If it is His will to have your man go into this training, then it will happen. If it is His will to have him become injured or hurt in training or even killed, then it will happen. And if it is His Will to have him back out of the training, then it will happen. We can plan the future, but ultimately God directs our steps (Proverbs 16:9). That doesn't mean we can't plan, but we can't move forward without consulting God first. And that means much prayer for both of you.

When you see that God is in control, and that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28 ), then there should be no room for worry or anxiety. When we worry, we don't trust in God. We need to cast all our anxieties and cares on Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7) when in times of trouble and uncertainty. Worry, anxiety and frustration are indeed sins. Some verses to meditate on for this: Matthew 6:25-34, Matthew 10:31, Luke 12:7. I know it's more general but it does address these sins.

Another one to remember in Psalms:
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them."
Psalm 139:16

Before you were even born, God already set up the days for you and the events and circumstances of your life. Of your man's life. Of everyone's life.

But yeah, tldr; - be in constant prayer to discern God's will for you and your man's life. Do not worry, trust in the Lord.

Hope that was a little helpful...

 

[DustQueen]

Grace from God

I'm married, and I do have a husband who wanted to become a sniper when he was in high school. This was before he was a Christian. When he got saved, I guess you can say his desire to go into the military died out because he thought training would take away his focus on God, especially since he loves everything about modern military stuff and hunting.

My only advice is that you both talk this through, that you both have a transparent idea on each others plans for the future. Communication is extremely important in a relationship. Assuming things between each other can be disastrous in a relationship. I know tensions may rise because of varying wills, but the only thing that matters is God's Will for the both of you.

Remember, God is sovereign. If it is His will to have your man go into this training, then it will happen. If it is His will to have him become injured or hurt in training or even killed, then it will happen. And if it is His Will to have him back out of the training, then it will happen. We can plan the future, but ultimately God directs our steps (Proverbs 16:9). That doesn't mean we can't plan, but we can't move forward without consulting God first. And that means much prayer for both of you.

When you see that God is in control, and that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28 ), then there should be no room for worry or anxiety. When we worry, we don't trust in God. We need to cast all our anxieties and cares on Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7) when in times of trouble and uncertainty. Worry, anxiety and frustration are indeed sins. Some verses to meditate on for this: Matthew 6:25-34, Matthew 10:31, Luke 12:7. I know it's more general but it does address these sins.

Another one to remember in Psalms:
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them."
Psalm 139:16

Before you were even born, God already set up the days for you and the events and circumstances of your life. Of your man's life. Of everyone's life.

But yeah, tldr; - be in constant prayer to discern God's will for you and your man's life. Do not worry, trust in the Lord.

Hope that was a little helpful...

Thank you. Being communicative was good advice.
We both spoke tonight about where this desire to attend the training came from. He answered that he was completely driven by self verification. He feels the need to do the training to prove to himself that he can do it. Also, there are insignia he gets to wear that will demonstrate to other military that he made it through those difficult schools. He admitted that he hadn't even considered the relationship or me before making it known that he really wanted to do go for it. He didn't weigh the risk or the uncertainty while he was gone.

After talking we both came to the conclusion that maybe I'm at the season of life where I am ready to consider the relationship first before making decisions, but he isn't. I am glad we had this situation to show us that maybe we're not quite ready to tie the knot yet.