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 Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 8:45 am
I'm not sure how to type this out without it ending up being a rant, but I just got removed on skype and potentially blocked by a bunch of people in a guild I was in on Mabinogi, a former friend, and a whole bunch of other people as well.
What I need advice on is sort of related to that. I was told by that former friend that I shouldn't really state my opinion because it can hurt other people's feelings. He also said that I try to explain things way too much. That last part is likely because I asked him if he knew about U.S. history, and he said that history wasn't important. I tried to explain to him that history was important because if no one knew about history and no one felt it was important, then mistakes made in the past, as well as things like the holocaust and the bombing of pearl harbor and of other places, and the nuclear bombings and all that stuff... that that would all likely happen again. I only managed to get to the part where I said "You're entitled to your opinion, but may I state my--" before he hung up.
Am I constantly rude to people? I just try to say things like "you're entitled to your opinion" or "I respect your opinion" but then I ask if I can state my opinion. I have aspberger's syndrome, so I can't exactly always tell when I'm being rude, I can never tell when anything is ironic, and much of the time I can't even tell when I'm being sarcastic or when someone else is sarcastic. I'm not trying to use that as an excuse, please don't see it that way.
Here are my questions:
Am I constantly rude to people by saying that I respect their opinions and that I want to say what my opinion is?
Do I ever act like I feel I'm better than other people? (If so, then I actually think I'm a horrible person and that a lot of people are better than me. Not everyone, not those murderers you see on TV.)
Is either hiding in a bathroom stall and trying not to cry and/or getting the highest english grade in the 11th grade a bad thing? Should people have avoided me after all of that, or was it something else I did? I wasn't trying to show off or anything, but people called me a 'show-off' among other things.
If this is turning into a rant, I'm really, really sorry about it.
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 11:35 am
Sometimes the best way to approach a problem is to first rant about it. You must be stressed with all these questions, and I'll try to help the best I can.
It's not rude to state your opinion, as long as it wasn't intentionally threatening anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, it is why we have free speech. Certainly there are people who try to abuse the right with slander and libel, but if you are unaware of how you approach people in conversation, then it's unintentional.
Though online that can be tough, as it all depends on how someone reads the texts you write. As for speech, people usually assume by tone of voice how you are talking to someone. Unfortunately people interpret attitude as a part of tone, so if they think you're being rude they act as such.
it's not rude to say you respect someone's opinion
It doesn't sound like you have a god complex, but with your conversations, do you let people say what they want and then share what you have to say, or do people think you are interrupting them or ignoring them? and don't think yourself as horrible person, self doubt is terrible. Got to love yourself in order for other people to care for you.
hiding in the bathroom stall, bad. Avoiding your problems don't solve them. It might be easy to just escape into a stall, but also brings negative attention to yourself.
highest English grade, good. It's a success to do well in school, get high grades, impress your parents. Socially, people think it's showing off to have a grade above average. To be different from the normative, that's what it all comes down to.
I used to be judged for being different to, losing my best friend to her new friends who didn't like me for how I acted, so she chose them over me. When comes to the people we talk to everyday, our friends, student peers, those who stay by our side are the people who understand us. Those who turn their backs, might not truly understand what you mean.
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 11:58 am
Firstly :virtual hug: ( unless you don't like being touched in which case remember that
it's a virtual hug ) Secondly , high school is hard , no matter who you are . For some ,
it can be a little harder ( or at least feel that way - all things are relative to the person
experiencing them )
Wanting to share your opinion isn't rude by any means unless it's something you find
yourself doing persistently . Then others might feel like you really don't respect
their thoughts or opinions and are just trying to prove that you are right . Tone of voice
and context are also important things ( hard to express in written form ) and I know
those can be difficult with Aspberger's but true friends will respect that and adore you
for who you are either way .
We're not acquainted IRL or here , so I can't make a statement on that second question .
I think the question is really something to ask yourself : do you think you are better
than others ? Do you think you do things that might be construed that way ? How much
does it really matter to you about that perception ?
On that last one ... in high school , I thought I was better than a lot of my peers : I got
better grades , I focused on academics when I was in school , and I invested time in my
extracurriculars to be the best dancer , fencer , equestrian . I graduated near the top
of the class and I won awards in those fields I was interested in ; but I hated my high
school experience and was miserable a lot of the time because I was bullied on for
basically trying to be intelligent and wanting to learn .
High school is one of the worst places to be different , but those differences can lead
to great things in your future ( that makes me sound old ... ) Unless you've ever done
something seriously bad or morally wrong , don't blame yourself as " the bad guy " .
But , what you should do is write a letter to this friend of yours that has made you
feel this way . Not a text . Not an email . A handwritten letter . Start with a " To " and
finish with a " From " . Then , reread that letter aloud and it may help you understand
yourself a little better and give you some ideas of how to approach that friend in the
future . It may help you decide also if that friend is someone worth your friendship .
Keep in mind , I'm not a trained counselor or anything like that . I'm just a person on
the internets C:
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