How important is it to you that your significant other is working or actively searching for a job?
The situation:
Suppose your significant other is done with their University degree. Suppose they've been done for a year or more.
They could be trying to get into a grad school (They need work experience to get in)
Lets suppose they've been done for a year and have not been actively looking for work while they're trying to get into Grad School. Do you consider this a deal breaker to the relationship.
If your significant other is very capable of working (whether it's just for work experience or a career) yet is not actively looking for a job would you break up? And if you would break up how long would you allow them to not actively look for a job.
Actively trying to find a job seems like something that should be important.
If they really aren't looking for (general work experience, a career, an income independent from the parents)
My friend was saying if you would leave someone because they're not working or looking for a job for 2 years you have a problem. I think it's a very reasonable thing to do if you are planning to have financial stability within your future.
Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 8:17 pm
cool4
Difficult question. I would want a boyfriend that actively search for a job and I would encourage him to search for a job. I would talk to him that I dislike that he isn't searching for job and if he want to get a master degree he needs to find a job NOW.
I wouldn't want a boyfriend that is dependent financially to me. If he doesn't find a job in his field of study, at least he must find another job.
Is he working at least, like a part-time job not connected to his career ?
I don't know if I would break-up or not. I would try my best to discuss with him before... If he has a job non-related to his studies it is ok. I would break-up. If he believe he can stay unemployed until he find a job, I would talk to him.
My story if you want to know
I have a bachelor degree and I haven't found a job for 1 year and a half. I know I can't do a master degree if I don't find a job. I am not in a relationship. So, I can only think about myself, about what I want. However, when I think about my mom that needs my help and wants me to be independent. It really changes what I want to do for my future.
I know I kind of FAILED getting in the job market with the bachelor degree that I've got, so I'm thinking to go back to study something that has better % of employment and that I would LIKE. Going back to study to get another diploma is like 3 or 4 years of studies again. I would be 28 when I graduate. gonk
Miss_XxAriaxX
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cool4
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 9:28 pm
It's not a real scenario that I am in. But I've just been curious if it matters to someone.
This is unemployed without a part-time job, and no attempts at even getting a part-time job.
This is only considering the case that there is nothing impeding you ability to work, except being lazy and not applying to jobs. (taking care of a relative, or having to raise a small child, or other task that don't bring an income maybe valid reasons not to work) Though they also may fall into exceptions for someone considering grad school.
I don't mind unemployment, that is a perfectly normal thing to go through with a partner, but never actively doing something about it, such as applying to jobs (of any type)
For my situation my boyfriend has a little less then 3 years of school (including work experience semesters) So we've been talking about the future a bit, such as who would be home with the future kids, and such. We've established logistically he'll be better at bringing in an income (better degree/specialization) so him not looking for work would be a deal breaker in our future plans. He has secondary reasons why he needs to work.
I just think if the relationship is about building a future together, both parties need to be doing something that actively builds toward that future. Otherwise it's utterly pointless being with them.
Though my boyfriend is also not the type to lay around and not be active, so he'll most likely graduate with a job offer. Even if he doesn't he'd still be looking for job or working part time to support himself/us.
Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 2:22 am
Hmm well I've never been in a situation like this so I have no real experience to draw on, and I think it would depend on other factors. In the end, though, if my partner wasn't relying on me for anything (if we didn't live together, didn't plan to anytime soon, I wasn't paying bills for them, etc.) then I would probably be okay with them not actively looking for a job. There are various reasons someone might not be motivated to finding jobs that they might not want to share. Maybe they tried hard for a month or so and it didn't work, maybe they're having to deal with emotional barriers, other stuff. If my success didn't rely on them, I would probably just be supportive if they chose to do something, and if they didn't, then I'd help them in ways I thought appropriate or necessary.
anticupid16
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cool4
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Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 6:59 am
anticupid16
Hmm well I've never been in a situation like this so I have no real experience to draw on, and I think it would depend on other factors. In the end, though, if my partner wasn't relying on me for anything (if we didn't live together, didn't plan to anytime soon, I wasn't paying bills for them, etc.) then I would probably be okay with them not actively looking for a job. There are various reasons someone might not be motivated to finding jobs that they might not want to share. Maybe they tried hard for a month or so and it didn't work, maybe they're having to deal with emotional barriers, other stuff. If my success didn't rely on them, I would probably just be supportive if they chose to do something, and if they didn't, then I'd help them in ways I thought appropriate or necessary.
It's fair to think they have some barriers getting in the way, like really trying for periods that lead into depression. Long term your success would probably be effected. We're thinking long term relationships here. This would mean at some point you are planning to settle your life with this person (live together, marry, have children, or other goals you plan to achieve together.) It might come down to are you willing to be the financial supporter for the relationship in the long haul.
Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 7:11 am
cool4
I just think if the relationship is about building a future together, both parties need to be doing something that actively builds toward that future. Otherwise it's utterly pointless being with them.
Ooh ! I share the same thought than you.
It made me think of something. A guy's first love didn't want to marry him because he didn't have a good job. This guy later found another love , got married and had children. One day, the guy meets again his first love that is divorced, and the guy quits his wife for his first love because now he has a good job and she wants him.
It sounds like the ''first love'' woman loves a man only for money. Or, we can think that she wanted a man that has a good pay to be financially good for their ''future'' and this was so important to her that she didn't want to marry him despite loving him?
Miss_XxAriaxX
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cool4
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Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 7:32 am
XxAriaxX
cool4
I just think if the relationship is about building a future together, both parties need to be doing something that actively builds toward that future. Otherwise it's utterly pointless being with them.
Ooh ! I share the same thought than you.
It made me think of something. A guy's first love didn't want to marry him because he didn't have a good job. This guy later found another love , got married and had children. One day, the guy meets again his first love that is divorced, and the guy quits his wife for his first love because now he has a good job and she wants him.
It sounds like the ''first love'' woman loves a man only for money. Or, we can think that she wanted a man that has a good pay to be financially good for their ''future'' and this was so important to her that she didn't want to marry him despite loving him?
You're not suppose to marry someone simply cause you love them. Marriage exist to have the best possible outcome for raising a family. (creates a sense of stability) Early days you didn't have a choice who you married and had children with. You were essentially paid for, so if you were to become a husband you had to have a means of support to pay for the 'wife' Now that we choose whom we marry usually out of love, Things like what kind of financial support is necessary to be married, to live together, to raise children would definitely be reasons not to marry someone who isn't headed in the direction you want to go in the future.
Love has never really been enough. Love is Love is a terrible reason to marry someone. Though if we couple love with ideas of being a good provider (on both parties) Then you have a more complete picture of what love may actually be.
Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 8:05 pm
cool4
Aah... It's nice talking to you, I learned something new.
I would probably break up with him. I don't want anyone dependent on me for money unless i have children. But i'm sure it depends on circumstance and all that.
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