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 Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 9:40 pm
It's been something that's been dancing about in my mind lately. I'm living through this nightmare of emotional abuse. It wasn't something I was always aware that was happening in my life, It started when I was very young and I truly believed ALL mothers belittled, yelled, and controlled their children to the point where the child was left to fear said parent.
Its a sad scenario, and my mom has no means of closing this gap of mistrust between myself and my sisters. She has stated that she does not trust us, and that she to be friends with her children is "inappropriate for a parent". At first I believed it was her being over protective, but it's come to the point of where I'm living this life of "What would be the best option to avoid being yelled at?" I had no idea, little by little, that my mom has continually and now subconsciously controlled my actions to the point of where I feel I am always selfish if I so much think about myself, even when it came down to choosing my colleges. I'm beginning to feel being independent is a crime. I'm almost always belittled, and insulted. I have no sense of self worth, nor self-esteem as far as I know. Here I am, going to college, and I've realized I've been emotionally abused all my life.
I'm asking two things, I suppose, would it be worth it befriending your abuser? and Hopefully--try to stop this cycle or something?
And of course, as a victim still in this situation; How does one deal with an emotional abusive parent?
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Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:59 pm
Honestly, if you have the means to do so the best thing to do is to just tell her goodbye. Yes, she will call you selfish for this action but that is when you respond "You did this, you pushed me away." And then just leave it at that. Don't answer her anymore, walk out the door and leave. Don't contact her, ever. Yeah all this sounds harsh but the reality of it is that people like that never change because there is no room for them to. Believe me I had to deal with the same problem and when I left it never happened again. I live much happier now.
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 7:31 pm
BladedFlower Honestly, if you have the means to do so the best thing to do is to just tell her goodbye. Yes, she will call you selfish for this action but that is when you respond "You did this, you pushed me away." And then just leave it at that. Don't answer her anymore, walk out the door and leave. Don't contact her, ever. Yeah all this sounds harsh but the reality of it is that people like that never change because there is no room for them to. Believe me I had to deal with the same problem and when I left it never happened again. I live much happier now. I thank you for your input! I guess the best choice is just start anew. Thank you. I'm sorry you had a similar ordeal, I'm simplyso done with feeling like I'm committing a crime when I so much state my opinion. I suppose going away is the best choice.
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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 3:47 am
...
You mom is my dad... "What do we do or say to not get yelled at" is the first thing we think of when something bad happens.
I feel bad giving advice that I don't follow myself but maybe it will be of more use to you anyway. I say walk away, maybe if you explain to your mother what it's been like for you all there year and then let her sit on that for a long while maybe things could improve. Change has to come from her end though and if that doesn't happen there is no getting better.
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Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:09 am
allmostanyone ... You mom is my dad... "What do we do or say to not get yelled at" is the first thing we think of when something bad happens. I feel bad giving advice that I don't follow myself but maybe it will be of more use to you anyway. I say walk away, maybe if you explain to your mother what it's been like for you all there year and then let her sit on that for a long while maybe things could improve. Change has to come from her end though and if that doesn't happen there is no getting better. I'm sorry you're going through a similar ordeal! I didn't release how much of a negative influence it had on me. :u Ah, I've tried to have this talk from my parents, it was difficult, but she's not willing to apologize nor listen. So I suppose, in the end, I'm just going to have to go far away to give some time to heal. Hopefully, we can both heal up. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 12:16 am
-Fancy R allmostanyone ... You mom is my dad... "What do we do or say to not get yelled at" is the first thing we think of when something bad happens. I feel bad giving advice that I don't follow myself but maybe it will be of more use to you anyway. I say walk away, maybe if you explain to your mother what it's been like for you all there year and then let her sit on that for a long while maybe things could improve. Change has to come from her end though and if that doesn't happen there is no getting better. I'm sorry you're going through a similar ordeal! I didn't release how much of a negative influence it had on me. :u Ah, I've tried to have this talk from my parents, it was difficult, but she's not willing to apologize nor listen. So I suppose, in the end, I'm just going to have to go far away to give some time to heal. Hopefully, we can both heal up. 3nodding I hope we both can as well emotion_hug For a long time I refused to accept that I may have to move away never speak to my father again but it appears to be coming to that. I struggle with feeling like I'm less of a daughter or person because of my ill feelings, but I have to take myself out of harm's way, and when that chance comes I think I will.
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Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 10:54 pm
check out this book http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407
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