please help

[Athelius]

i really need to go to church again. i really need to feel close to god like i used to before. this is really killing me and making me sad because i know it's something i must do but i can't seem to bring myself to do it. my problem with church is that i don't feel like i deserve to be there. like god is too wonderful and i did or allowed something horrible to my younger sister and i don't deserve to be forgiven or be a recipient of god's love. so i always cry a lot, a whole ton, whenever i'm in church because i think of what happened and it's embarrassing especially with friends. when people try to pray for me i feel even worse. i don't really know what to do. i've tried explaining this to my mom and sisters and they've told me that the way i feel is irrational, so that doesn't really help. in fact, everyone i've tried to approach so far on this has told me that i just need to "stop" feeling that way because it's stupid to think that it's my fault, but i can't just turn off my feelings like that..i don't know what to do now. i tried to force myself to go to church and just sit it out but it hasn't worked. i would love some advice from anyone here, thank you so much.  

[Meili Kyumee Youichi]

Hi Athelius,

This is probably related to you, if you also feel like constantly judged by other people: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder-and-social-phobia.htm

If its only because you don't think you are worthy of God, we are all on the same boat. But no matter what "works" we do is not worthy of His wonderfulness. You need to be able to forgive yourself as God has forgiven you.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Romans 6:14 ESV For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

Romans 11:6 ESV But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.

James 4:6 ESV But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”


God bless you  

[Red Wight]

Hello Athelius,

I think I may understand your feelings. I myself have depression and bipolar disorder, so the thoughts and feelings I have often seem strange to my family and friends who don't get them in the same way. However, remember that no temptation has overcome us that is uncommon to man (1 Corinthians 10:13), so don't feel alone in your struggle.

Know that you can never be worthy of God by your own actions, or by having not committed certain actions. We're only made worthy through the blood of Jesus Christ, which is made available to all who honestly seek forgiveness and unity with Him. If you fit into this category, then I urge you to read and remember this verse;

"And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, who accused them before our God day and night." (Revelation 12:10).

Satan will do whatever he can to keep you from doing what you should, and that includes making you feel unworthy and accusing you of unforgivable sins. But the fact is, if you've confessed and repented of whatever you've done wrong before God, asking for forgiveness on account of Jesus, then you've been made clean. No matter how often Satan tries to bring up the past, hold true to this. In fact, I encourage you to think of this struggle as a temptation; the devil may be trying to make you avoid being in unity with other believers, and if he can get you to believe yourself to be somehow less than them, he may very well succeed.

I would definitely encourage you to consult a Christian councilor, therapist, or pastor about this issue. They may be able to identify what is being caused by mental illness (depression, anxiety, etc.) and what is being caused by spiritual warfare. By the sounds of it, my initial guess is to believe that you're struggling with depression, but that's nothing to be ashamed of. Substance abuse and homosexuality can also be influenced by genetic factors, and while that doesn't excuse the behavior of those who give into their temptations, you can't simply ignore that they're there. You just have to equip yourself with any ways you can to fight it, which may include prescription medication and counselling.

However, even if you do get these things, the struggle will still continue. It sounds to me like you have an weakness for self-loathing and despair, which the devil will use to his advantage as much as possible. I urge you to read and memorize bible verses that can help you combat these attacks. Off the top of my head, Romans 5:6 has extreme significance;

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." (Romans 5:6)

If Christ died to save you before you even knew him - even while you were still his enemy and living in sin - why should you believe that he won't forgive you now? I assure you, he didn't go through the suffering of the cross just so that he could look down on you condescendingly, but so that he could live with you in unity. When the temple curtain was torn, so were the barriers between you and he. If you're truly sorry for your sin, and are ready to come to the end of your own will and to live by his, you've been made worthy, and can now be together with him freely.

I love you, sister. But more importantly, God does. I'll be praying for you.  

[real eyes realize]

Trying to hide from God, after we've done something wrong (or gone against something he said), is a natural response. That's what Adam and Eve tried to do after eating the fruit i.e. Genesis 3:8. God says one thing, man says/does another. Thus, shame seeps in and their relationship with God suffers. But, like others have said, he is willing to forgive—as long you admit how you've wronged Him (or his creation), and turn away from what you did.

• Leviticus 5:5 (NIV)
  
  5 when anyone becomes aware that they are guilty in any of these matters,
  they must confess in what way they have sinned.
  

I may have to burst some bubbles here, but God is not limited to a building (John 4:20-24).
We're always in his presence.

• Psalm 139:7-10 (NIV)
  
  7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
  Where can I flee from your presence?
  8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
  if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
  

So, going into a church, or staying away from a church, will not change anything. In order to be at peace, you have to get right in your relationship with God. That starts by confessing all the ways you've walked/spoken/thought/acted against him.

• 1 John 1:9 (NIV)
  
  9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us
  our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
  
  
  
• 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NIV)
  
  14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble
  themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from
  their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will
  forgive their sin and will heal their land.
  
  
  
• James 4:8 (NIV)
  
  8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands,
  you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
  

Once you do that, humbly submit back under him, trusting what he says,
walking like he wants you to.

• Micah 6:8 (NIV)
  
  8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
  And what does the Lord require of you?
  To act justly and to love mercy
  and to walk humbly[a] with your God.
  
  Footnotes:
  
  a. Micah 6:8 Or prudently
  
  
  
• 2 Timothy 2:19 (NIV)
  
  19 Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this
  inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Everyone who
  confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”
  

Don't let a cunning serpent convince you into doubting God's promises to you, into doubting God's words and instructions, making God out to be a liar. That will always be the spiritual battle. And if we fall for the bait, we'll end up in hiding. He will forgive, and we get back into relationship with him under his terms. Confessing, repenting away from it, and having faith/trust in him—to forgive you, to guide you. Just trust his word.

For me, it wasn't until I seriously got into the Word—without a hostile, unbelieving attitude—that I found him and got close to him. We cannot draw near to him with unbelief, nor distrust, in our hearts.

• Hebrews 3:19 (NIV)
  
  19 So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief.
  
  
  
• Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
  
  5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
  and lean not on your own understanding;
  6 in all your ways submit to him,
  and he will make your paths straight.[a]
  
  Footnotes:
  
  a. Proverbs 3:6 Or will direct your paths
  

If unbelief in God's word is an issue for you, cry out to Jesus for help in that area:

• Mark 9:24 (NIV)
  
  24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”