Jim Dandy back to Wonderland

[ADSOC]

It's a reoccurring issue that going to school has become a huge problem and it's my fault. I'm looking at a full grade drop because I've missed class a few times.

Today, I was forced to skip my English class. It's a core class and very important. This is the third time I've had to skip. I have five skip days before my grade is dropped. My gf didn't have a ride to work for 3pm. My class starts at 2 - 320pm. She's okay with me failing and having that F on my record. I retorted saying that other colleges will look at that be all "Nope."

At that moment, she got really mad. She will not support me, if I go to another school, which I have to for my career. And then things got even worse. i went on a tangent using words she used on me and she agreed with me. She told me that I shouldn't go back to school and I should work full time and have several other part-time jobs because there is no point in going to school. It's a sum up of what she said, but that's the jist. So I'm feeling as though I'm just a problem.

I've began to isolate myself again from everyone and I'm a little scared. I started dreaming about a world I created to make myself feel better back when my bouts with depression were really bad; my own Wonderland. If that's the case, I'm heading back into the pit and I know if I succumb to it, I'll fall so fast and hard that it will take a very long time to pull myself back together. I went insane once before... I'd rather not a second time.

My gf keeps throwing around the words "Pills will help you." I managed to keep my depression at bay for the last five years without pills. I understand that she believes she is helping me by saying this. It just hurts that pills are the solution to life's problems. I cant afford a shrink. No, I'm not acting like this to get attention. I can't talk to my household about any of this because they feel as though I'm creating a rift and forcing them to choose and I will always loose. My friends try to cheer me up the best they can. They just don't know how bad it's actually gotten and can get.

Even if I did want to go out with them, I'm still chained to my gf. She'd get sad that I went out and she didn't and guilt trip me for it. I know... "******** her. She'll get over it." That may be true, but the mental wounds last far longer. Why haven't I left? I have responsibilities at work and school. I can't afford to live on my own even with a roommate and I can't afford to fly away.  

[Waitingforwings6]

ADSOC

would you like me to look up some places around you for abused women? there are places like that and YES you are being abused, it's called mental abuse and it's a real thing!! you need to GET OUT...I know, I know, it's easier said than done, but really there HAS to be people who could take you in willingly until you get your life straight sad hell if I could throw money at you to help you out, I would, I'd rather be broke helping someone escape such absurdness than live in a place where they and their feelings and goals and life, don't matter sad please please look into something before you go down the yellow brick road to your wonderland for the final time...you're better than an institution and definitely better than being six feet under should it come to that...please get help, it is out there for you...I know there has to be something better for you, please look! open your eyes...sorry >.< I'm just really sad hearing about how you're being treated...no human being should be treated like that at all sad
Carolina Liar- Show me what I'm looking for <--- this reminds me of you...it's a good song smile  

[ADSOC]

Waitingforwings6

ADSOC

would you like me to look up some places around you for abused women? there are places like that and YES you are being abused, it's called mental abuse and it's a real thing!! you need to GET OUT...I know, I know, it's easier said than done, but really there HAS to be people who could take you in willingly until you get your life straight sad hell if I could throw money at you to help you out, I would, I'd rather be broke helping someone escape such absurdness than live in a place where they and their feelings and goals and life, don't matter sad please please look into something before you go down the yellow brick road to your wonderland for the final time...you're better than an institution and definitely better than being six feet under should it come to that...please get help, it is out there for you...I know there has to be something better for you, please look! open your eyes...sorry >.< I'm just really sad hearing about how you're being treated...no human being should be treated like that at all sad
Carolina Liar- Show me what I'm looking for <--- this reminds me of you...it's a good song smile

those who i have told are more than willing to let me stay with them for awhile. it would be easier to move into my own place temporarily. i dont know how to talk to her about this. last time i brought up that i was unhappy things didn't bode well. i ended up feeling even worse about myself for saying anything.

she already knows i'm not happy and that i dont try because i might get my head chopped off. i do anyway due to not trying. i cant do anything right. most days, however, are good days as long as she stays happy. oh gosh... even her mother has had issues with her lately especially with this car she got. that's a long story that's still going. her mum got sooooooo pissed off at her the other day. basically, gf wants everything done for her and her mother and i will have none of that. i'm done doing things for her.

>__< i know i worry about this silly things, but that's me and i cant change that. ill always worry and always will overreact. those are the two things she hates most more so because my worries prevent any sort of marriage.
1. not ready, 2. loose insurance, 3. divorce is shitty rolleyes just another fight from another day. she likes to dive in head first and think about consequences later.  

[Waitingforwings6]

ADSOC

you say you're done doing things for her, yet you're only staying with her to avoid a fight it seems...look, all she cares about is herself, that is totally clear...BUT look deeper, that's the ONLY thing she cares about is HERSELF...YOU don't need that, not one bit, let her family take care of her butt and her drama, the only reason she probably wants you around is to give her someone to blame besides herself for her cruddy life. you have hopes and dreams dying because of her, it's time you do something for you, it really is...I guess I could tell you over and over you're in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, but it takes you to realize that, the only thing the rest of us can do is listen and keep telling you over and over hoping you'll realize it *hugs* please realize your self worth, put yourself first, and live for you for a while!  

[ADSOC]

Waitingforwings6

ADSOC

i did speak with her about this not too long ago. she does genuinely love me and all that. her mum even stated that i should go on vacation for awhile for her to see how much i actually do for her. yes, i do agree that she thinks of herself most of the time. i dont know what happened. her personality changed so much from the time i met her to today.  

[Waitingforwings6]

ADSOC

Waitingforwings6

ADSOC

i did speak with her about this not too long ago. she does genuinely love me and all that. her mum even stated that i should go on vacation for awhile for her to see how much i actually do for her. yes, i do agree that she thinks of herself most of the time. i dont know what happened. her personality changed so much from the time i met her to today.

I dunno, I guess in my eyes if you really loved someone you wouldn't stomp all over their dreams and force them to do stuff that hinders everything they're working for...but that's just how I see love I guess...and I think you should go on a vacation, get away from her for a while, maybe she would realize all you do for her and stop being so mean, or maybe she'll get all pissed off at you and hound you more and then you'll realize how much you don't need her and the negativity she bring in your life *shrugs* either way it could be good for you smile  

[ADSOC]

Waitingforwings6

that's what i dont understand. i was taught that relationships were, for the most part, 50/50 and had to support each other. it was after i started school again when i noticed a significant change. the initial plan was for both of us to go to school together. i wasnt able to go for a year due to residency and high school issues. i did everything i could to go back to school and did.

for my health class we had a long term assignment to change a bad habit. mine was indecisiveness. my gf was all for it and wanted to help me... and then things changed. she was always complaining about how i couldn't think for myself, so i thought that would have been a good opportunity to use that for class. as soon as i started to try change and think for myself, she got pissy. i wrote about it a few times for my weekly reports and how odd she was acting.

it carries on to today. i do think for myself and it pisses her off because she thinks i only think for me myself and not her. she asked that i would think for myself, so i did. one would think that she'd be happy that i make my own decisions, however seems not to be the case :/

her version of relationships stems from her parents. they... didnt have a good relationship. her mum is fine. her father... if i could get away with it, he'd have a bat to the head, dragged behind a car, and melted. i hate this man. he continuously insults me and my gf does nothing. im very passive aggressive, so.. one day i'll snap. he's very abusive and i dont know why my gf wants anything to do with him. he ******** choked her on a nearly daily basis as a kid on top of all the psych abuse! i tried my best to keep her away from him and she knows how much i hate him.

i brought this up to her mum awhile back and she also had noticed a change after she spent x-time with him. the sad part about this whole thing is that the only person who understands is my 14 yr old bro-in-law.  

[Waitingforwings6]

ADSOC

hmm, so she doesn't want you thinking for yourself, more like she wants you to think what she wants you to think and call that thinking for yourself...a form of manipulation sad her history could very well be the fact that she is the way she is now, if she grew up with that form of abuse and manipulation, she might think it's ok to do it to someone weaker than her. so you have some choices to make, either stay and force the issue and help her through it and try to change things for the better, stay and let things be the same, leave and maybe she'll get the hint and try to change for the better or leave and let her find her own way through life or find someone who loves to be kicked around *shrugs* I dunno at this point  

[ADSOC]

Waitingforwings6

idk either o_O as for relationships, if i leave her, she'll want to get back together, but at that point id want nothing to do with her. i really think she's doing this subconsciously. she isnt aware of what shes doing and if i were to bring it up bad things would happen. she believes that she has changed and i havent changed at all. if u knew how i was long before i met her, ud be seeing different people. i gave up quite a bit of my own personal happyness to make her happy. that's another thing i learned from my parents .____. id rather be miserable knowing that i can make someone else happy than be happy and make others feel miserable.
for her to change would have to be an intervention and no one has much patience with her. she doesnt have the motivation to continue and do things for herself. shed change for a few weeks, then start the habits again. she recently started keeping me awake during the night talking on skype. one day ill make a point of it and literally fall out of bed when i get up for work lol  

[Waitingforwings6]

ADSOC

sweetie if you feel that you being happy is making people miserable, then you're with the wrong people, when you're happy others should be happy for you and vice versa, if your happiness is making them miserable then they have no freaking clue what true happiness is and no matter what you do, you could lick their shoes and they still wouldn't be happy...remember misery loves company! and as for an intervention, the fact no one has patients even to try isn't a good thing, if you want her to change and make it stick, you need to let her fall on her a** and let her pick herself up...and if she goes back to the way she was, then that's all her, but she'll be lonelier for it. you have the patients of a saint, i know how that can be, i did too until i got tired of people just walking all over me...i spoke up and said something, yea it pissed people off and they don't talk to me now, but that's all them, i refuse to be treated like a thing to be used.