thatnaminegirl
My S.O. of 6 years and I are getting married this summer. We've tried to honor God in everything together, but especially as a dating couple. We're thrilled to be getting married and have been looking for a house. I won't go into details, but it seems like his mother is having issues letting go that are really stealing our joy during this time. We've been going to counseling as a couple for the wedding, and our pastor has talked about leaving and cleaving, but my fiancé is having a hard time because he's just tired of how pushy my M.I.L. is getting.
If anyone here could just pray for peace for us, that'd be much appreciated. And also that if there has been anything done in a deceptive way, that God would reveal it to everyone, especially my fiancé.
Thank you so much guys! I really appreciate this guild. It has been such a blessing to me.
I prayed about this, also I suggest you read "Peacemaking For Families" By Ken Sande with Tom Raabe, it goes through the Biblical steps to making peace and resolving conflict, my church is going over it right now, I think it would be good for you and your fiance when you get married (it's always good be prepared) as this book focuses specifically on Marriage peacemaking and also on peacemaking for families in general, like with your children. The first part of the book is dedicated to Peacemaking in Marriage alone and then it shifts over to dealing with children and adult family members conflict so the book may be helpful in helping you resolving this issue with your fiance's mother. One thing talked about in the book is negotiation which my church actually talked about last night. I think it would be good if you and your fiance sat down and talked with your fiance's mother about why she's having a hard time letting go, ask her about what her fears are and what she wants in this, try to understand her interests and see if there's anyway you can tend to her interests in all this, and search for creative solutions. So for example I have a friend who told me he wanted to move in with his friend so he could be able to get his tuition lowered since he lives in Washington D.C. (unless he moved, in which case he lives else where haha) and Washington D.C. is not considered a state so in order for him to get a tuition fee like that of those who live in the state (since it would cost more if he lives in Washington D.C.) he wanted to move in with his friend who lives in the state but the issue was his grandmother, he didn't just want to leave her alone with his family since I think he said they can give his grandmother a hard time or something like that, I forgot what he said so it may not have been that but the point was that it seemed like he didn't want to leave his grandmother because of his family and because he felt his grandmother would miss him so he felt conflicted about whether or not to move in with his friend. I told him he could maybe move in with his friend and just visit his grandmother on the weekends or every other weekend. So maybe what you could do is if your fiance's mother is afraid of him leaving because she'll miss him, then perhaps suggest to have your fiance set up to meet with her in person at least once every month and ask her how she feels about that and maybe even suggest for him to call her every other day or Skype with her or something on top of meeting in person once a month, whatever works for her and for you both, the key is to try to find a solution where both of your interests are met. Search for creative solutions, sit down and P.A.U.S.E.
(Click here to read about the P.A.U.S.E Principle)The first step to peacemaking is always to Glorify God, get that mindset in and pursue Glorifying God in your conflict. To avoid conflict is the cowards way out and something we shouldn't do because it will damage a relationship to some degree and we are called to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9) so we shouldn't just ignore conflict. If we are called to love and forgive and gloify God always (Matthew 5:16, 1 Corinthians 10:31, 1 Peter 1:14-15, 1 John 3:9-10, John 14:15) then seeking to resolve conflict is what we should do, not avoid it. Getting the Log out of your eye first is the next step (Matthew 7:5) I suggest you read The Four G's of Peacemaking to give you an idea of how to go about this
(Click here to read about The Four G's)http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958151/k.5236/The_Slippery_Slope_of_Conflict.htmPlease do pray a lot about this before you do anything because prayer is very important if you want things to work out well, prepare for this before hand with your fiance if you actually plan to try and resolve this issue but with much, much prayer, and always asking God to guide you and help you in this and asking him that he would work this out so that the issue would be resolved but that his will be done in all this.
Matthew 5:9 (NASB)
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.Matthew 7:12 (NASB)
"In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
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