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 Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 4:17 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 6:52 pm
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I understand how you feel, I went through this. Its hard, i know. But you got to think of the pros and cons. Your situation sounds a lot like mind did. I have a good head on my shoulders, i want to live comfortably and travel but my boyfriend (well...ex) was interested in just chilling all the time. Didn't want to work because he hated being told what to do. And he wasnt interested in going to college at all. (it was honestly the biggest fight to get him not to drop out)
I sat down and thought of the good things. Sure, we had great times together, and I loved him. But that wont pay bills. That will keep me struggling running after a man that isnt thinking about the future. You shouldn't do all the thinking, because like you said, it leaves you slightly depressed. In my situation, I called a break for a week. We both sit and think about what we really want. Just think. And during the break it was hard, love this man but i didnt want to be the one pushing for the relationship to work. it takes time, but it does work out in the end.
My opinion is to take a small break, to really think. Distance yourself slightly.
I hope I somewhat helped at lease by sharing my bull xD |
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 8:58 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:59 pm
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There is more to this than him just not being interested in marriage or kids. It doesn't seem like he envisions the same future you do. He thinks about short term goals, doesn't want a higher education, is pretty okay with how things are when you're not. The two of you aren't on the same page. If he brushes off the next steps in a relationship you wish to have, then it sounds like you really need to sit down and consider if the two of you even want the same future.
If you were his first girlfriend, then he could possibly be feeling like he hasn't had enough experience to make those kinds of decisions and that could be one reason he brushes off your questions. Those are huge steps to make, and really, the both of you are still very young. Even if you're ready for marriage or even kids in the near future, it doesn't mean he will be or will ever really consider doing either. Some people never get married or have kids even though they plan to live out the rest of their lives together. It's best to get some concrete answers out of him. If you're concerned about whether or not he still wants to be with you, then you need to ask him. You need to lay out that you're thinking about the future and see if he's just not interested now but will in the future, or if he just doesn't want those things at all. The only way you'll know if it'll work is if he can talk to you about these things, because if he's not willing to talk, then there wont be much you can do about it. |
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Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 5:54 pm
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Disclaimer: I'm making some generalizations here since we haven't met. Perhaps that means I shouldn't weigh in, but I thought I'd give it a shot. If any of it is in any way rude I don't intend for it to sound that way. heart
Agreed...it sounds like you guys need to level with one another. Not in any way that could be mistaken as confrontational, of course, that won't make for a productive conversation. xd
Some people are terrified of commitment, especially if they haven't been through many relationships. It could be that you two are in separate places emotionally in regards to subjects such as this...some guys take forever to decide what they really think when it comes to marriage, and kids, and so on. It can become a quickly overwhelming topic for many. The argument could even be made that some don't possess the maturity level for that kind of discussion, y'know? (I've had many a brokenhearted girlfriend crying on my shoulder over immature men who don't/don't want to understand a damn thing.)
Now, does any of that mean he isn't worth the effort of working it out? Perhaps, but then again, perhaps not. I think that decision is best reserved for after you have a heart-to-heart with him. Maybe just try having that serious conversation with him, no brushing it off, no squirming away, no raised voices, none of that...just facts on the table, and figure yourselves out. If nothing else, and you really wanna work things out, compromises could be made in both your favor and his, no?
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2015 2:59 pm
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I agree with those who have said you need to sit down and talk to him. Lay the cards down on the table and see what happens. I married at 20 to what I thought was the love of my life, and turns out it wasn't, ending in a nasty divorce not even a year later. That experience taught me something I hope to share with others.
1. Trust your gut. If you feel something is off in your relationship, there very well may be something off. If you and he have different goals, conflict will arise sooner or later when one of you starts to walk a path that is no where near where they are going. It probably wont be intentional, but if your goals are way different, unless some sort of compromise is made, give and take, all give/all take, Even if your goals seem similar that does not mean you both desire to take the same path there. So don't be afraid to talk and figure out what's up, which leads me to #2.
2. Value yourself. Don't belittle all your goals and dreams just because they are different than his. They are different because they are your own. They don't have to be the same, they can be way different. That doesn't make them worth any less. So don't let you goals and dreams be pushed aside for his. It doesn't make you worth any less either if you choose to go on with out him. That being said, if he starts to put you down for any reason, that would be when I would end things. If that's how things are then, how would things be once you'd tie the knot?
3. Know when its over I'm not saying its over with you and your boyfriend. But take it from a girl who spent over half a year trying to salvage a marriage that was beyond a lost cause; when its over, its over. It is the unfortunate truth. Hopefully your boyfriend and yourself have the maturity my ex didn't have. Fighting, provoking each other, emotional abuse with mal-intent will only poison and lead to miserable days. I hope you never see this stage. If you do, know that there IS a way out, those who will listen and help if they can. (I apologize for getting dark all of a sudden, but when I tried to level with my ex, things didn't go so well. I hope that if/when it comes to it, you have better fortune. Don't let this discourage you from trying to figure things out! >.<).
Talk to your boyfriend and figure out what's going on. Where both of you want to be in life. Even guys who's goal is to buy an arcade cabinet should have a bigger goal.
Communication is key to a good relationship. So talk to him. See what's going on. Poke around if your questions aren't being answered. And don't be afraid of the facts, accept them for what they are.
I hope my rambling is of some use to you. Take out of it what you'd like. I wish you good luck!
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