Does Christianity Produce “Sexual Misery”?

[Garland-Green]

by Eric Lyons, M.Min.

Even though most Christians in twenty-first-century America recognize that we live in a sex-crazed society, it seems we rarely consider how Divine regulations concerning “sexual relations” are a chief reason why unbelievers reject Christianity. It has long been understood that some unbelievers refuse to accept the Bible as a God-inspired text because it would require them to live according to a set moral standard. Now, author Chaz Bufe has specifically mentioned “sexual misery” as a negative by-product of Christianity, and one of the main reasons why Christ and His doctrine should be rejected. In a pamphlet he wrote titled 20 Reasons to Abandon Christianity, Bufe listed “Christianity produces sexual misery” as reason number ten. He stated:

In addition to the misery produced by authoritarian Christian intrusions into the sex lives of non-Christians, Christianity produces great misery among its own adherents through its insistence that sex (except the very narrow variety it sanctions) is evil, against God’s law. Christianity proscribes sex between unmarried people, sex outside of marriage, homosexual relations, bestiality, and even “impure” sexual thoughts. Indulging in such things can and will, in the conventional Christian view, lead straight to hell (n.d.).

One thing that Chaz got correct is that engaging in sexual relations outside of a lawful marriage is “against God’s law” (cf. Matthew 19:1-10; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; Galatians 5:19-21). And, as the writer of Hebrews warned, “[F]ornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4; cf. 1 Corinthians 5:10). But who actually are the miserable ones when it comes to sexual relations? Are those who submit to God’s laws on the matter suffering great “sexual misery,” or are the ones who live sexually promiscuous lives the actual ones who experience misery?

Truly, it is the sexually immoral who often suffer from various disorders caused by their licentious behavior. According to the American Center for Disease Control (CDC), more than 65 million people (or 22% of the U.S. population) live with one or more incurable sexually transmitted diseases (“Tracking..., 2004). Those who refuse to abide by God’s laws pertaining to sexual relations risk becoming one of these infected ones, who frequently suffer with lesions, warts, and genital inflammation, and may also experience pain while urinating or during sexual intercourse. Women with various STDs sometimes suffer with pelvic inflammation, cancer, infertility, and can even have problems with pregnancy and childbirth. Bufe contends that “Christianity produces sexual misery,” yet those who live according to God’s standards of morality are not the ones experiencing the debilitating effects of an ungodly, permissive sexual lifestyle.

Granted, the Christian life is not a walk in the park. Jesus’ way is “difficult” (Matthew 7:14). The disciple of Christ is instructed to “deny himself” sinful pleasures (Matthew 16:24) and “imitate” Jesus, the sinless One (1 Peter 2:21-22; 1 Corinthians 11:1). Sexual temptation certainly can be hard to resist, especially as an adolescent. But, the so-called “misery” that Christians go through when resisting the lust of the flesh in no way compares to the misery of the sexually immoral. Abiding by any number of laws can be difficult. One person may constantly get frustrated by having to abide by speed limits, while another may get irritated with various tax laws. People who want to lose weight must set dietary rules for themselves. Following these rules can be very trying (as most all who have tried to lose weight can attest), involving self-denial, self-control, and self-discipline. However, eventually, restricted eating habits will lead to one becoming much healthier. Similarly, the difficulties in restraining oneself sexually in order to comply with God’s laws regarding marriage can eventually lead to a great sexual relationship with one’s lawful spouse, not to mention a stronger relationship with God. What’s more, a child of God has the promise that “God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Without question, God’s way concerning sexual relations is the best way, and the right way. The fact that unbelievers list “sexual misery” as one of the top twenty reasons to reject Christianity simply reveals how weak their case really is against Christianity, as well as how easily they overlook problems that arise (e.g., STDs) from living lives contrary to God’s will.

REFERENCES

Bufe, Chaz (no date), 20 Reasons to Abandon Christianity (Tucson, AZ: Sharp Press), [On-line], URL: http://www.seesharppress.com/20reasons.html#numberten.

“Tracking the Hidden Epidemics 2000” (2004), Center for Disease Control, [On-line], URL: http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/od/news/RevBrochure1pdfintro.htm.



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[Bloopercat]

Yes i agree so much. It's not that people are forced to restrict themselves that makes them miserable! When and why people want to have sex all the time is undeniably gross and i feel it is not a good habit and characteristic to identify with because it just leads to misery when they can't be satisfied. Never being satisfied is a side affect which is also a very bad characteristic in a person who only seeks self pleasure and items of wealth. It is shameful and it will never be established with god or the church because god knows what he is talking about when he said don't love sex, money, or wicked things. Love me who is worthy and you will be satisfied and never miserable. Please don't respond in a negative way to this, your habits are never my business i don't know any of you people. But please allow yourself to struggle and think about this idea. Learn why you may be feeling down or hostile all the time. Find out what it means to you to be a good person. Just take time to think and learn and establish a life with god by choice to worship him as a consensual subject who truly wants to.  

[Guy37]

It would be nice if more woman these days kept to these christian morals. It is extremely difficult for an ordinary guy looking for a wife to find a woman who has remained celabate until marriage, you are lucky to get one that hasn't had 28+partners before you who will up and leave 4-10 years in, taking the kids and all your cash just because she decides she doesn't love you anymore.  

[Voxbury]

Bloopercat

to have sex all the time is undeniably gross...it just leads to misery

Bloopercat

It is shameful and it will never be established with god or the church

This is pretty demonstrative of the negativity that Christianity places on sex, that causes a feeling of "dirtiness" associated with a perfectly natural action.

Bloopercat

Please don't respond in a negative way to this, your habits are never my business

This is a discussion group, so if you need a safe space, discussing it here may not be the best place. But the one place you're totally right is that the sexuality of strangers really isn't any of your business, so there's not much wiggle room for you to insert yourself and disapprove, then ask not to be criticized for it.  

[Voxbury]

Guy37

It would be nice if more woman these days kept to these christian morals. It is extremely difficult for an ordinary guy looking for a wife to find a woman who has remained celabate until marriage, you are lucky to get one that hasn't had 28+partners before you who will up and leave 4-10 years in, taking the kids and all your cash just because she decides she doesn't love you anymore.

I think you just demonstrated the misery that Christian morality has the potential to bring out in people. When it's asserted that someone is "dirty," "used up," or "lesser than," because of who they had intimate relations with and when, that's emotionally devastating to people and has great potential to cause lasting damage.

Fun fact, people in secular relationships have better sex lives than devout Christians. I imagine this may be at least part of the reason.  

[Guy37]

Voxbury

Guy37

It would be nice if more woman these days kept to these christian morals. It is extremely difficult for an ordinary guy looking for a wife to find a woman who has remained celabate until marriage, you are lucky to get one that hasn't had 28+partners before you who will up and leave 4-10 years in, taking the kids and all your cash just because she decides she doesn't love you anymore.

I think you just demonstrated the misery that Christian morality has the potential to bring out in people. When it's asserted that someone is "dirty," "used up," or "lesser than," because of who they had intimate relations with and when, that's emotionally devastating to people and has great potential to cause lasting damage.

Fun fact, people in secular relationships have better sex lives than devout Christians. I imagine this may be at least part of the reason.

In describing the misery of men in the modern post moral west, I guess I did describe that as well.  

[Voxbury]

Guy37

Voxbury

Guy37

It would be nice if more woman these days kept to these christian morals. It is extremely difficult for an ordinary guy looking for a wife to find a woman who has remained celabate until marriage, you are lucky to get one that hasn't had 28+partners before you who will up and leave 4-10 years in, taking the kids and all your cash just because she decides she doesn't love you anymore.

I think you just demonstrated the misery that Christian morality has the potential to bring out in people. When it's asserted that someone is "dirty," "used up," or "lesser than," because of who they had intimate relations with and when, that's emotionally devastating to people and has great potential to cause lasting damage.

Fun fact, people in secular relationships have better sex lives than devout Christians. I imagine this may be at least part of the reason.

In describing the misery of men in the modern post moral west, I guess I did describe that as well.

I'm failing to understand what you mean. Would you mind rephrasing?  

[Garland-Green]

Voxbury

Guy37

It would be nice if more woman these days kept to these christian morals. It is extremely difficult for an ordinary guy looking for a wife to find a woman who has remained celabate until marriage, you are lucky to get one that hasn't had 28+partners before you who will up and leave 4-10 years in, taking the kids and all your cash just because she decides she doesn't love you anymore.

I think you just demonstrated the misery that Christian morality has the potential to bring out in people. When it's asserted that someone is "dirty," "used up," or "lesser than," because of who they had intimate relations with and when, that's emotionally devastating to people and has great potential to cause lasting damage.

Fun fact, people in secular relationships have better sex lives than devout Christians. I imagine this may be at least part of the reason.

How do you determine what is a better sex life? Do you feelings as a determining factor, or some outside force as a standard? Do you also measure long term consequence? Should someone who cheats on their wife and claims to have a good sexual satisfaction be allowed a voice? Is his sex life something to look up to? He is satisfied after all - and that is all that matters? Is sexual satisfactions the goal and reason of all female - male relationships? Should it be that which we measure all happiness against? Satisfaction = love? Are there bigger, more important things in life than sexual relief?  

[Garland-Green]

Voxbury

Bloopercat

to have sex all the time is undeniably gross...it just leads to misery

Bloopercat

It is shameful and it will never be established with god or the church

This is pretty demonstrative of the negativity that Christianity places on sex, that causes a feeling of "dirtiness" associated with a perfectly natural action.

Bloopercat

Please don't respond in a negative way to this, your habits are never my business

This is a discussion group, so if you need a safe space, discussing it here may not be the best place. But the one place you're totally right is that the sexuality of strangers really isn't any of your business, so there's not much wiggle room for you to insert yourself and disapprove, then ask not to be criticized for it.

Personally I think this is an interpretation of Christianity one shared by very many. That sex is shameful and dirty. Sex is a God-made thing according to the Bible. God made us able to feel and to have sex. I think though that He intended sex to be in the proper context as something special, something you share with your life-time wife or husband. Not something to use solely as a means to pleasure yourself but a picture of something grander than just the action itself. If marriage is a picture of our relationship with God as the Bible claim it is (Ephesians 5:22-32) - then everything else in marriage, including sex also is. To have sex all the time though - is much like any other overindulgence on the verge of becoming something it was never intended to be, and becomes a curse to us rather than a blessing. When it becomes the sole reason of our being, our main focus, even the main focus of the relationship, it is not a good thing anymore, it is an obsession and more about us than our partner. Society today with its intense focus on being sexually satisfied and that sex equals love is overindulgent, and one-tracked. It is symptomatic of a society where emotions/feelings/man are/is the measure of all things.  

[Voxbury]

Garland-Green

Personally I think this is an interpretation of Christianity one shared by very many. That sex is shameful and dirty. Sex is a God-made thing according to the Bible. God made us able to feel and to have sex. I think though that He intended sex to be in the proper context as something special, something you share with your life-time wife or husband. Not something to use solely as a means to pleasure yourself but a picture of something grander than just the action itself. If marriage is a picture of our relationship with God as the Bible claim it is (Ephesians 5:22-32) - then everything else in marriage, including sex also is. To have sex all the time though - is much like any other overindulgence on the verge of becoming something it was never intended to be, and becomes a curse to us rather than a blessing. When it becomes the sole reason of our being, our main focus, even the main focus of the relationship, it is not a good thing anymore, it is an obsession and more about us than our partner. Society today with its intense focus on being sexually satisfied and that sex equals love is overindulgent, and one-tracked. It is symptomatic of a society where emotions/feelings/man are/is the measure of all things.

I'm not sure who you know that would say their entire life revolves around sex. It's a fun thing, and one we should have no shame in engaging in, but not even the most prolific porn stars are known for saying sex is their entire life. I think you may have an unintentional strawman here. The only time sex becomes a bad thing is when consent is not given.
It bears worth mention for the sake of this thread that there are numerous stories of women being publicly shamed in Christian churches and public squares for being raped and speaking up about it - this undeniably causes sexual misery.