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 Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 12:07 am
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Hello.
I dont normally come to gaia and rant about things that go on with me unless it's to friends, but i really need to vent and for some reason it feels better to vent to strangers which is weird. But anyway.
I had one of my very close friends today decide to tell me he no longer wishes to be friends any more. To me he was a best friend who i could go to anything for. We have formally dated and recently things picked up but the situation was misunderstood by me. I ended up hurt and misinformed. We remained friends even after it. I have known the guy for 4 years but for 2.5 of those years we could speak because the girl he was dating threatened to break up with him if he spoke to me. So we talked on and off. When we started talking again and were friends again, i was so happy. I felt normal again and things were going ok. But today everything came crashing down.
He says he no longer wants to be friends because im basically to negative to be around. Our personalities ate too different for each other. He's basically Joy and I'm Anger and Sadness combined. I dont mean to be. It's just how i am. I try to fix that around him and his friends, i do, but it comes down to the little things for him. He likes to pick on his friends and i said something stupid one day and he started to joke around. I laughed for a little bit but he kept going and picking on me, so i stormed off. I didnt like what he did and i told him that. I told him it didnt make me feel good, to which he responded that they were just joking (we were with friends when it happened). But it went on for a few minutes. We even stopped talking about it and he brought it back up again.
These last few weeks, i knew something was up. He wasn't talking to me or answering texts. And Tuesday i called him and he ignored the call. He wasnt busy, aside from drivng, as i passed by him on a road so i called just to joke around and he let it go to voicemail. That upset me. I sent him a text which he didnt respond to. Later in the evening, he was hosting a game night somewhere and i went in to ask if someone was coming but i was pissed off because of how he was acting. When i left, i knew what i did wasnt right and i felt guilty for doing it. I tried to text him later asking how everything went and he still hadnt responded. I sent another text saying great talk which he did respond too. He went off on me saying to ******** chill out and that this is why we have problems. I apologized multiple times. I didnt mean to upset him. Its honestly the last thing i wanted to do because i didnt want to lose him as my friend and today he decided he didnt want to be my friend.
He tried to tell me that he's not saying that he doesn't want to be friends, which i called him out on. I told him its exactly what he's saying. And its all because of how i am as a person. It hurts so bad because he's the first person i go to for everything. If my anxiety gets triggered some how, i got to him (except lately he's been the trigger), if im upset about something i go to him to help cheer me up. He was the last person i thought i would be hurting over like this for. I feel sick to my stomach and my chest hurts and i just dont know what else to do but cry.
Even if no one reads this, i dont care. If anyone does read this though and responds, thank you. If you respond but have anything negative to say, please i'm asking you don't...i know what i've said does come off to make me seem like thr bad guy and that he has reason to not want to be friends with me just because i seem like a horrible person. But i dont mean to be. It's just how i am and my personality. Ive tried to act different around him and his friends to go along with what he plans out and to not get upset but sometimes i just get overwhelmed and upset. Ive said my apologies to him but he no longer wishes to be my friend. Which....kills me...
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 3:27 pm
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I'm sorry you've lost your friend. It sounds like for a long time he's been struggling with deciding if you should still be friends or not. I suppose he finally figured it was best for him to let you go. If he feels a certain way about you, he has the right to decide that, sadly, even if you're going to miss him and need him.
I think what you need to look into now is figuring out how to deal with your anxieties and negative emotions without prioritizing one person to hash it out with. This ultimately could have been what drove him away. When dealing with these emotions it's extremely stressing and taxing on an individual, your emotions get muddled and jumbled and everything feels like too much, but the same can be said of anyone you go to for help. He was basically your lifeline, he was the first person you could go to for anything that was troubling you. That also puts a strain on him, more than likely taking the brunt of whatever you were feeling as he was the first person to know. He consistently took on your raw emotions and always calmed you down. But if this started to put a negative strain on his own life and emotions, he probably felt he had no choice but to back out. He might not feel like he can be expected to do that anymore and feels this is the only way he can stop without having to outright say it. Now I'm not trying to say this makes you a horrible person, this is actually a more common occurrence than you think and no one ever means for this to happen. It doesn't make you the bad guy. No one is the bad guy in a situation like this.
I'm saying this because if you ever happen to find another person who could be there for you as he was, you don't want this to become a repeat. At the end of the day, we're all human and can only handle so much. It would be beneficial to find alternate ways of handling your emotions through activities or hobbies, or just maybe branching out to more than one person. If you talked to multiple people about what was going on, you wouldn't put it all directly onto one person and overwhelm them, and you could potentially feel better knowing you have more than one person to go to first about things and give everyone a cool down so they don't start to think you're too negative. Activities or hobbies you can take up could be anything. You could start drawing, writing, read, learn how to play an instrument, play video games, cook, bake, take walks, build, reorganize your room/area, getting into a new tv show. If you felt it in yourself to take care of something, maybe getting a pet of some kind could be beneficial too. People sometimes "talk" to their pets to let out some steam and help them through things. You could also consider seeing a professional about your anxiety (if possible), see if you can get into a therapy of some kind, see what they suggest for you.
I've had to learn to do this dealing with my own anxiety and depression. I didn't want to continue throwing everything negative I felt on my husband expecting him to get me through it because he said he'd always be there for me. I didn't want to take advantage of his kindness in supporting me and wanted to give him a break, so I found other things to do to help me. I play games and have been trying to draw again, I come on here and talk to my friends about what I'm feeling, I'll sometimes read news articles or fanfiction to take my mind off what I was feeling, and other times I'll just go outside and sit for a bit. I even just lay down with my cat and pet her to try and calm down. It doesn't always work, but when it does it feels great. I've ultimately even considered starting medication, though that's still up in the air for me. It's a slow process and wont happen overnight, being dependent on someone isn't something you can get over that quickly. It's something you can gradually work on, so maybe one day you wont feel like you absolutely need that one person for support and you can be your own for certain things.
I hope you start to feel better and be able to get past this. It hurts now, so you take the time you need to heal and get better. You don't have to rush out of it. |
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 10:03 pm
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Thank you. I honestly didn't think to try any other method to distract myself. Normally i watch youtube to get my mind off things and live vicariously through other people's lives. It's just if something ever happened, he was the first person i went to, good or bad.
I'm better today, compared to yesterday. I've had a lot of help with other friends and my parents, plus gun therapy is nice (going to a shooting range, cause that's what Texans do).
I will definitely keep these in mind if something ever happens. I just ultimately never meant to drive him away.Yokies I'm sorry you've lost your friend. It sounds like for a long time he's been struggling with deciding if you should still be friends or not. I suppose he finally figured it was best for him to let you go. If he feels a certain way about you, he has the right to decide that, sadly, even if you're going to miss him and need him.
I think what you need to look into now is figuring out how to deal with your anxieties and negative emotions without prioritizing one person to hash it out with. This ultimately could have been what drove him away. When dealing with these emotions it's extremely stressing and taxing on an individual, your emotions get muddled and jumbled and everything feels like too much, but the same can be said of anyone you go to for help. He was basically your lifeline, he was the first person you could go to for anything that was troubling you. That also puts a strain on him, more than likely taking the brunt of whatever you were feeling as he was the first person to know. He consistently took on your raw emotions and always calmed you down. But if this started to put a negative strain on his own life and emotions, he probably felt he had no choice but to back out. He might not feel like he can be expected to do that anymore and feels this is the only way he can stop without having to outright say it. Now I'm not trying to say this makes you a horrible person, this is actually a more common occurrence than you think and no one ever means for this to happen. It doesn't make you the bad guy. No one is the bad guy in a situation like this.
I'm saying this because if you ever happen to find another person who could be there for you as he was, you don't want this to become a repeat. At the end of the day, we're all human and can only handle so much. It would be beneficial to find alternate ways of handling your emotions through activities or hobbies, or just maybe branching out to more than one person. If you talked to multiple people about what was going on, you wouldn't put it all directly onto one person and overwhelm them, and you could potentially feel better knowing you have more than one person to go to first about things and give everyone a cool down so they don't start to think you're too negative. Activities or hobbies you can take up could be anything. You could start drawing, writing, read, learn how to play an instrument, play video games, cook, bake, take walks, build, reorganize your room/area, getting into a new tv show. If you felt it in yourself to take care of something, maybe getting a pet of some kind could be beneficial too. People sometimes "talk" to their pets to let out some steam and help them through things. You could also consider seeing a professional about your anxiety (if possible), see if you can get into a therapy of some kind, see what they suggest for you.
I've had to learn to do this dealing with my own anxiety and depression. I didn't want to continue throwing everything negative I felt on my husband expecting him to get me through it because he said he'd always be there for me. I didn't want to take advantage of his kindness in supporting me and wanted to give him a break, so I found other things to do to help me. I play games and have been trying to draw again, I come on here and talk to my friends about what I'm feeling, I'll sometimes read news articles or fanfiction to take my mind off what I was feeling, and other times I'll just go outside and sit for a bit. I even just lay down with my cat and pet her to try and calm down. It doesn't always work, but when it does it feels great. I've ultimately even considered starting medication, though that's still up in the air for me. It's a slow process and wont happen overnight, being dependent on someone isn't something you can get over that quickly. It's something you can gradually work on, so maybe one day you wont feel like you absolutely need that one person for support and you can be your own for certain things.
I hope you start to feel better and be able to get past this. It hurts now, so you take the time you need to heal and get better. You don't have to rush out of it.
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 11:21 pm
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 11:26 pm
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If you aren't afraid of guns, i recommend the shooting range. Some places will rent you a gun for an hour so you can shoot. It works wonders. I also like the batting cages but I haven't been in a few months so i'd be super sore.
Who knows, maybe in a few years time when things will be different and i'm able to control myself or better grasp how i act, we can still be friends. But i don't know. My personality is different than his. I just thought we balanced each other out. he thought otherwise.Yokies You're welcome. <3 Ah I actually forgot to mention Youtube, even though I do that regularly myself. sweatdrop I like watching people play games, sometimes more than actually playing them myself haha. I'm glad that you're feeling better today and that your other friends and parents have been there for you. That support can definitely be a lifesaver. I've actually never been to a shooting range, being a Texan. xd
I understand that, no one ever means to drive a person away. You never really notice it happening either, or of course you'd stop. I've had this happen and only realized after it was too late. OTL But as I said before, it certainly doesn't make you a horrible or bad person. You did what you did because you were having problems and needed someone, and for him I guess it became too much and he needed out. The both of you were handling your situations in different ways, sometimes things just don't play out like we wish them to. You're going to miss him, it's just going to take some time to get used to. *hugs*
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 11:35 pm
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 11:56 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 12:04 am
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Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 12:24 am
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