Dealing with mean people—what does the Bible say?

[Garland-Green]

Answer: Unfortunately, we all have to deal with mean people at one time or another. Romans 1:28–30 contains a long list of unrighteous behavior, which includes malice, gossip, slander, insolence, heartlessness and ruthlessness. These are all different facets of meanness, and it’s inevitable that we encounter people driven by such behavior in this world. People are mean for a variety of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with the person who takes their abuse. Often, mean behavior is a reaction to a person’s inner conflicts rather than a rational response to the people around them. However, being the subject of mean behavior is hurtful and demoralizing. What is the biblical response? What does the Bible say about how we should react to mean people?

Dealing with mean people—Empathy

The first proper response to mean people is empathy, especially when it is a first-time altercation or offense. A gentle attempt to understand and relate to the pain behind the meanness is much more effective than combativeness in dispelling a conflict. One of the most beautiful examples of empathy in the Bible is Jesus’ response to those who crucified Him and cast lots for His clothing. This is a dramatic example, because what was being done to Jesus was way beyond meanness—it was torture and injustice. Even so, instead of focusing on His own pain, He thought of their spiritual condition. Instead of responding with justified anger, He asked God to forgive them for their ignorant actions (Luke 23:34). Stephen, the church’s first martyr, followed that example (Acts 7:59–60).

Dealing with mean people—Confrontation

We should be empathetic, and we should always respond with kindness. Being mean to a mean person only escalates the situation; we are called to be peaceful and “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:38–42; Romans 12:1 cool . But if the mean person is a Christian, the Bible recommends confrontation. We all sin, of course. As James said, “We all stumble in many ways” (James 3:2), but a pattern of meanness needs to be confronted, per the instructions in Matthew 18:15–17. We are to confront our brothers and sisters when they sin against us in the spirit of restoration. If they refuse to listen, we should take a few other faithful Christians with us, again in the spirit of reminding the offending Christian that they are not behaving according to their profession of faith. If that does not work, the matter is taken before the local church. If they do not listen to the whole group, they should be treated as unbelievers—no enmity or retaliation is called for, but the relationship has changed.

Dealing with mean people—Humility

Remember that sometimes you are the mean person. Do not be like the unforgiving servant in Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18:21–35. A servant owed a huge debt to his master; it was an amount he could never pay back. The master completely wiped out the debt. The servant, however, went to another servant who owed him a small amount of money and demanded that he pay up—and when the debtor could not pay, he threw him in prison! The master heard about it and became angry. The master reinstated the unforgiving servant’s original debt and threw him in jail. We should always try to remember, when people are mean to us, that we owed God a huge debt. He forgave us, and we can forgive others.

Source  

[Total Moon]

I thought Jesus's parable about the unforgiving servant ends with the master throwing the servant into a torture chamber as punishment? He didn't just throw him in jail.  

[Garland-Green]

Total Moon

I thought Jesus's parable about the unforgiving servant ends with the master throwing the servant into a torture chamber as punishment? He didn't just throw him in jail.

That is true. 3nodding

Matthew 18:23-35 [NET]

The Parable of the Unforgiving Slave
23 “For this reason, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 As he began settling his accounts, a man who owed ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Because he was not able to repay it, the lord ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, children, and whatever he possessed, and repayment to be made. 26 Then the slave threw himself to the ground before him, saying, ‘Be patient with me, and I will repay you everything.’ 27 The lord had compassion on that slave and released him, and forgave him the debt. 28 After he went out, that same slave found one of his fellow slaves who owed him one hundred silver coins. So he grabbed him by the throat and started to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ 29 Then his fellow slave threw himself down and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will repay you.’ 30 But he refused. Instead, he went out and threw him in prison until he repaid the debt. 31 When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were very upset and went and told their lord everything that had taken place. 32 Then his lord called the first slave and said to him, ‘Evil slave! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me! 33 Should you not have shown mercy to your fellow slave, just as I showed it to you?’ 34 And in anger his lord turned him over to the prison guards to torture him until he repaid all he owed. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to you, if each of you does not forgive your brother from your heart.”