Quinn Abrams ~first of all this family pops up like ******** weeds second of all why the ******** does he hate history ~~agreed on both points ~~~at this point i just assume all families are just trying to keep up with the whitethornes ~~~~pretty sure cuz his family gay ~~~~~....i mean both answers work with both questions so i can’t be too mad ~i follow his sister’s insta and ******** hell we’re being robbed ~~i can’t see him being the gram type ~~~oh he’s def not, she catches him when he’s concentrating and b r u v ~~~~you could just...go to class? and see it for yourself? ~~~~~hmm take his picture in the middle of class and face his wrath or take screenshots from online ~~~~~~pretty sure your a** getting beat either way ~~~~~~~BOTH IT IS
Eden Harper ~he’s real military like ~~i can stand at attention no prob ~~~but can you salute? ~~~~gimme enough incentive and i can try ~i heard the guy went thru a tough year ~~its puberty, the second you got hair on your nutsack it became a tough year ~~~you got hair on your nuts? i only a pit mustache ~~~~i just got hair on my arms ~~~~~y’all are getting haIR?!? [debates of if this counts as meme] [days without meme: -903]
Reggie Blake ~i'm both upset that i thought he was with holt and upset that he's actually not with holt ~~not this s**t again ~~~iMJUSTSAYIN ~~~~HE'S DATING A HILL DO YOU REALLY WANNA PUT HOLT THRU THAT ~~~~~HE HAS TWO HANDS IS ALL I'M SAYIN WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME ~~~~~~therapy ~~~~~~~a signed picture of blake’s thighs ~~~~~~~~something plausible dipshit [signed picture of thighs] ~~~~~~~~~ho-HOWTHEFU ~~~~~~~~~~i told him it was a puppy and asked him to sign it for good luck ~~~~~~~~~~~and he ******** bought it!?!?? ~~~~~~~~~~~~no but he tried ~~~~~~~~~~~~~[rest] [days without meme -843]
Wren Winchester ~resting b***h face got nothing on this man here ~~id love to rest this b***h on his face but he’s got “morals” all of a sudden ~~~allofasuddenhesays ~is it just me or has he been a bit softer this year? ~~now that you mention it, he only called me three types of idiot instead of the usual seven at tutoring… ~~~how is it you even got him to tutor you in the first place?! ~~~~i just bother him with questions and hopes he helps me ~~~~~does it work? ~~~~~~considering i get an average of 5 insults in a spoken sentence, 2000/10 would recommend ~~~~~~~fuuuk imagine the s**t he says when he’s actually in the mood ~~~~~~~~my guess? at least 7 insults and 2 questions of your manhood ~~~~~~~~~i thought we discussed censoring your porn gais damn [various comic strips of winchester insults]
Finley Archer ~i would like to thank whoever it is who charmed the door to wolf whistle when he walked thru for a month ~~it would’ve lasted the term had i not gotten caught by whitethorne damn insomniac ~~~dunno how he’s been able to fit school robes around that french horn he keeps in the back ~~~~prolly how’s able to keep hidden his bassoon in the front ~~~~~his wicked wazza ~~~~~~turbulent serpent ~~~~~~~he’s great at givin natural horn ~~~~~~~~heard he’s prolly better at alto sax ~~~~~~~~~ophicleide [various boos and congratulations for being a buzzkill]
Caspian Lillantine ~thankGOD this b***h is leaving ~~never thought i see that here ~~~i’ve literally never been more enraged and aroused than when dealing wit this arse ~~~~it is a pretty nice one from what ive seen ~~~~~he has the AUDACTIY to just say that a toad’s tongue is roughly a third the size of its body and fckingWINKS before going off to wherever he fufking hides at ~~~~~~w-what was the reason ~~~~~~~I ASKED HIM WHAT TIME IT IS ~~~~~~~~seems to me he answered and you just didn’ understand ~~~~~~~~~A WHOLE THIRD THO?! ~~~~~~~~~~ITS CALLED A SKILL YOU HACK
Chadwick Knapp ~not gonna lie he was the main reason i signed up for dueling this year ~~when will you people learn the difference between a kink and a problem ~~~5 hospital wing visits give or take ~he FOOLD US ~~he played the long game i’ll give him that. coming into school practically married than WHAM. gay as may, we stan ~~~and then to turn gay for someone he once bullied? chef kiss ~~~~bruv went thru all the stages of gay and didn’t even realize ~~~~~think you’re straight and hot s**t? check ~~~~~~start realizing tits just aren’t what they’re quacked up to be? check ~~~~~~~make fun of someone with a d**k you actually find attractive? check ~~~~~~~~break up with the tits in a hugely dramatic fashion because the metamorphosis has begun? check ~~~~~~~~~befriend the d**k you once tormented? check ~~~~~~~~~~suck the d**k….check? ~~~~~~~~~~~listen if suckin d**k was all that was required getting into gay nirvana then consider us christ and his disciples ~~~~~~~~~~~~’and he said onto them be not afraid for i hath no gag reflex’ ~~~~~~~~~~~~we’re going to hell aren’t we [various depictions of the seven rings of hell as sexual acts]
Yukon Knolle ~please. im begging. who charmed the potatoes at the welcome feast to say “notice me senpai” ~~i’m not not saying names but..why do you need this information ~~~WHY THE ******** DO YOU THINK ~~~~it was a waste of a good spell he already NOTICES the ******** potatoes i want him to notice that butter can ALSO TASTE GOOD ON ME DAMMIT ~~~~~I TOO CAN COME IN VARIOUS DELICIOUS WAYS ~~~~~~IM ALSO DELECTABLE BAKED OR FRIED ~~~~~~~SEASON ME SENPAI ~~~~~~~~NOO
Cicero Holt ~how. the ******** did he slip past ~~in our defense, have you seen his roommates? ~~~they had their turns THERE’S BEEN A LITERAL ANGEL AMONG US AND WE’VE NEGLECTED HIM ~~~~hail cicero full of grace and an a** you could bounce a galleon off ~i swear he looks just like lee ~~they got the same last name soo.. ~~~listen i know we’ve talked about the literal gut rearranging properties of holt’s d**k but i don’t think he can actually make a womb ~~~~not with that attitude ~there should be a law where he’s only allowed to wear shorts ~~legs like those should not be hidden t’is a crime ~~~all in favor say aye [chorus of ayes] ~~~~motion passes ~~~~~thats lITERALLYNOT HOW GOVERNMENT WORKS MYGODS ~~~~~~not with that attitude
Ashton Bardsley ~he seem a lil....jack sparrow to you gents this year? ~~sexy as sin? ~~~hornier than a hungarian horntail? ~~~~drunker than a mum on boxing day ~~~~~i thought we were supposed to just ignore that ~~~~~~r e a l l y n o w ~~~~~~~listen they planted a yeeting tree within walking distance what the ******** am i supposed to know what i am and not supposed to notice ~~~~~~~~............dammityouhaveapoint ~i would gladly let him plunder me ~~shiver the timbers right off me ~~~raid me for buried treasure ~~~~raze me to the ground and burn me asunder ~~~~~screw the patriarchy and watch empires burn at our feet [depictions of Bardsley jolly rogers]
Cenek Knapp ~the charles bingley to his brother’s mr. darcy ~~listen i’ve said it once i will continually say that BINGLEY CAN GET THE DINGLEBERRY ~~~truer words were never stated ~~~~never in my wildest imagines would i have thought to see thirst literary discourse on this hellscape [rest] ~staring at him hurts my eyes ~~ye i hear looking at bright things does that ~~~his arse is worth the pain ~~~~~no one here will argue mate ~~~~~~uM. his eyes are Right. There. ~~~~~~~yeayea beautiful pools of brown or blue or whatever-THE MAN HAS A BULGE ROUGHLY THE SIZE OF ALGERIA ~~~~~~~~~that’s oddly specific. did you like..map it or something ~~~~~~~~~~......or something ~~~~~~~~~~~i’m afraid yet intrigued and...strangely aroused? ~~~~~~~~~~~~literally the name of our cologne here bruv
Rune Borson ~gooooooooddssss when is the next borson/whitethorne update ******** if anyone knows they just appear in the ******** loch ~~~comin out the mist like a wayward demon ~~~~holy water doesn’t work on them i’ve checked ~~~~~you just happen to keep holy water with you? ~~~~~~...no ~~~~~~~then how’d you check? ~~~~~~~~lets say that hypothetically someone might’ve caught him with a supersoaker ~~~~~~~~~y’all are getting real creative with your willy names i’ll give you that [a sketch of a water gun] ~~~~~~~~~~and now i have more questions than answers ~~~~~~~~~~~I JUST WANTED TO SEE HIM RUN WET IN SLOW MOTION ~~~~~~~~~~~~didja get it? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~well i def saw him run and he was wet so-
Eion Delacroix ~MAY I SPEAK ~~the floor is yours ~~~I...would like to hold his hand ~~~~valid ~~~~~and rub his cheeks ~~~~~~also valid ~~~~~~after i’ve spanked him ~~~~~~~v-valid ~~~~~~~~he screams baby boi so ******** call me daddy warbucks ~~~~~~~~~this gives new meaning to annie are you ok ~~~~~~~~~~EION ARE YOU OK ARE YOU OK ARE YOU OK EION ~~~~~~~~~~~EION ARE YOU OK WILL YOU TELL US THAT YOUR OK ~~~~~~~~~~~~THERES A SOUND AT THE WINDOW THEN HE STRUCK YOU A CRESCENDO EION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~HE CAME INSIDE YOUR BEDROOM WITH SOME PADDLES DID THEY EXCITE YOU ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HE WAS WAY TOO EXCITED HE ONLY LASTED TEN MINUTES YOU WERE HIS UNDOING ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SO EION ARE YOU OK ARE YOU OK ARE YOU OK EION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~YOU’VE BEEN STRUCK BY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A SOFT DADDY DOM [different figures rocking out]
Angus McLellan ~gentleman i present to you: a good boi ~~the best boi ~~~the best boi who ever boi’d ~~~~god’s first boi creation ~~~~~and lo god looked upon boi and said he was good and so boi was good ~~~~~satan weeps at the feet of boi ~~~~~~then call me the king of hell cuz BET ~i just wanna know why he smells so good ~~i’m pretty sure he just rolls in flowers ~~~bet he’s like part forest fae or something ~~~~i would tell him my full name with no hesitation ~~~~~my first born child? how do you want me ~~~~~~my heart? already own it ~~~~~~~my soul? do you prefer paper or plastic? ~~~~~~~~this is how cults start ~~~~~~~~~your saying this like its a bad thing
Pietro Donati ~this kid ran so often i never got an actual look at him until this year and holy shiiit ~~god trying to save us but did we listen? ~~~further and further we stray and do we even ask for a paddle? ~~~~we give him a middle finger and drown like men ~~~~~i actually got a slight chill, goddam ~he’s starting a larping club so i guess i’ll suck it up and play a poor damsel in distress ~~i mean he’s got other positions too ~~~i SAID i’ll VOLUNTEER as TRIBUTE ~~~~what if he’s the dragon keeping you hostage ~~~~~all you’ve done is make my position that much more desirable ~~~~~~i challenge you sir to a battle of the frills for this esteemed position ~~~~~~~COURTYARD AT DAWN ~~~~~~~~canwechangeitalilafterihaveastronomy ~~~~~~~~~MID-MORNING THEN ~~~~~~~~~~SEE YOU THERE I’LL BE THE ONE IN THE ROUGE A-LINE ~~~~~~~~~~~YOU SEDUCTIVE HARLOT HOW DARE-! [bets placed]
Asbjørn Borson ~fabulous work gents you truly outdid yourselves ~~y’know when i heard a rumor that you were going to remix “wish me luck” with “pour some sugar” i was admittedly skeptical but b r u h ~~~wat can we say, we sing wat we mean ~~~~i’m just surprised the professors still haven’t caught y’all yet ~~~~~eh, i think at this point they’re like ‘better horny teens than peeves’ ~~~~~~truly telling of how low the bar is set ~~~~~~~bold of you to assume the bar has ever left the ground
Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2021 9:12 pm
Cicero Holt ~ok i know we’ve grown past the sexualization of certain clothing and that people should wear what makes them comfy blahblah but…. ~~say it brethren ~~~skirts ~~~~WITH KNEE HIGH SOCKS ~~~~~AND PLEATS ~~~~~~literally the worst/best part is that i don’t even care if its short or tight i just wanna see the joy on his face when he twirls ~~~~~~~*BANGS GAVELS* ALL AGREED A VERY GOOD THING ~i suddenly understand why people buy pillows for their significant others ~~could you imagine him snuggled in a giant pile of soft pillows? ~~~i can and im slightly ashamed ~~~~we refrain from kink shaming here mate ~~~~~im mostly ashamed at my poor impulse control i owl ordered like five pillows ~~~~~~did you know some come in the shape of animals?! [shut up and take my money meme] [days without meme: -1009]
Bobby Ray Walker ~country boooooyyyyy take me hommmeee ~~to the plaaacee i beloonnggg ~~~in the bedrooooom, in the bathroooooom ~~~~take me annnyywheeere i’m a whoooooreee ~the ways i’d ride this man ~~spurs on or off ~~~yes ~~~~the fact no one has attempted to make fanart of him in assless chaps is astonishing ~~~~~i mean i have a crotchet pattern? ~~~~~~you...wat [rough sketch of the pattern] ~just how big is this thing? ~~bout the size of a throw ~~~ARE YOU TELLING ME WALKERS BUNS COULD BE KEEPING ME TOASTY AT NITE ~~~~in more ways than one ~~~~~we got the joke kyle thanks
Reggie Blake ~sometimes i feel bad for thinking of the ways i could bend him over a table ~~...and then? ~~~nono thats it. hes such a nice guy makes me feel dirty ~~~~what about the ways he could bend /you/ over a table ~~~~~is there another blake at school you’re thinking of cuz it can’t be this one ~~~~~~he could be a switch! ~~~~~~~only switch he prolly knows is the one outside ~~~~~~~~i have full faith in his switching abilities he could def bend me over ~~~~~~~~~he’d prolly ask you in writing and have it notarized to put you at ease ~~~~~~~~~~dear GODS why did that turn me on [new kink unlocked!] [days without meme -1028]
Austen Masters ~i know we’ve grown as a society to not judge based on family but dear god the masters genes are strong ~~what kinda utopia you think we are mate we sometimes judge based /solely/ on family ~~~and the arse genes are indeed strong ~~~~i think its great he didn’t follow the family dynasty of quidditch there’s no way an arse like that could fit on just one stick ~~~~~polyamory is a thing yknow ~would be happy just sitting under the library table listening to him read his astronomy notes ~~with your head on his lap? ~~~yes. with him acknowledging my presence under the table and not any other way
Cenek Knapp ~i know we’ve had fun with the good twin/bad twin but the real debate is top/bottom/verse ~~you look me ded in my eyes and say this man doesn’t dom ~~~you having a laugh mate?? ~~~~listen, cannon-wise its always the calm quiet types that be the most dominant ~~~~~the ******** artillery got to do with whether or not he takes it or shoves it ~~~~~~firstly i’m honest to god appalled theres still people who haven’t been blessed by fanfic and secondly you can dom from the bottom luv ~~~~~~~the term pillow princess does ring a bell ~~~~~~~~aint ******** ringing over here this man would split you like a bill cuz he’s a gent like that ~~~~~~~~~walk you to the door both times if you catch my drift ~~~~~~~~~~wouldn’t consider making a move on you since he already has you tied up ~~~~~~~~~~~he would make taking my punishment an actual chore and idk how i feel about that ~~~~~~~~~~~~just remember it hurts him more than it does you ~~~~~~~~~~~~~[rest] [days without meme: -1015]
Ashton Bardsley ~i’m just shocked he managed to keep the badge after last year ~~it prolly says allot that the drunk lion is a better choice than the other gryffs in that year ~~~i think its also cos he’s the only boy ~~~~gender is a contract none of us signed ~is it just me or has he really shot up this year? ~~his third leg certainly has ~~~what i wouldn’t do to tickle that pickle ~~~~munch on his marbles ~~~~~suckle his sausage ~~~~~~plant the parsnips ~~~~~~~you’ve officially lost me ~~~~~~~~its a euphemism for sex! ~~~~~~~~~how the ******** are ******** parsnips sexy?! ~~~~~~~~~~its in the ******** name! ~~~~~~~~~~~there’s no ‘a’ in p***s! ~~~~~~~~~~~~its in the shape! ~~~~~~~~~~~~mate i hate to be the one who tells you this but if your c**k is shaped like a ******** parsnip you should prolly see someone ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ye a ******** herbologist ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~i dare one of you lot to take this to hill i ******** dare ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BET [bets placed] [betting closed] [in memoriam erected]
Lochi Bardsdale ~he’s like a human sized niffler but with a d**k ~~not to be that guy but, what made you think nifflers didn’t already have a d**k? ~~~no but like a bigger d**k ~~~~how big do you think niffler dicks are?! ~~~~~I MEAN RELATIVE TO THE SIZE OF A NIFFLER JEEZ ~~~~~~THAT STILL MEANS NOTHING BARDSDALE COULD BE BIGGER THAN AVERAGE ~~~~~~~*raises hand* he is ~~~~~~~~how did you obtain this knowledge? ~~~~~~~~~i asked ~~~~~~~~~~...you...you wat ~~~~~~~~~~~yeah i told him we were taking a survey and gave him a ruler, came right out the bathroom with a notch and. ye, bruv is ******** mean you’d still have to actually talk to a boy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~fantasy it is!
Ian Wynters ~hes like a age appropriate prof drage ~~only if you’re a coward ~~~we are NOT doing this again ~~~~COWARDS ~hes going to give people confusing boners about tweed jackets ~~and penny loafers ~~~god he even has ink stains on his fingers the tease ~~~~when he uses a bookmark instead of folding the pages?? ~~~~~bet he even organizes his notes by class importance ~~~~~~permission to make a planner that everytime you forget an important event it just shows you wynter’s “look of disapproval”? ~~~~~~~gRANTED
Angus O’Cuinn ~i feel bad for saying he’s the perfect height but ~~the boy is part leprechaun he’d hex your bollocks off just for the hell of it ~~~and what if i was into that sorta thing hmmm? ~~~~he’d still hex them off but give you fools gold just to be a lil s**t ~~~~~w o r t h i t ~i certainly respect him as a prefect and in no way disrespect him so he has to stand there and scold me ~~kinks really do be gettin wilder with age huh ~~~its the fact that outta everyone in slytherin he was the appropriate choice for me ~~~~who the ******** is dumb enough to cross a part leprechaun for something stupid like curfew? ~~~~~forgive me pater i have sinned ~~~~~~get out
Hitori Miyazaki ~the gays are really winning these past few years ~~oh stop trying to be politically correct and admit you’d toss whatever’s in their pants for a dirty knut ~~~i’d toss whatever’s in their pants with a dirty knut [boo’s] ~you better watch how you talk to them or they’ll summon lovette back here ~~oH nOOOO i suRE DON’t want ANY OF THE UNANIMOUSLY SEXY LOVETTES TO COME BACK AND GIVE ME A LECTURE ON ETIQUETTE OH THE WOOOES ~~~bruv any of the lovettes came back and you’re getting a stiffy off a lEcTuRE?? ~~~~plus you get miyazaki coming behind them and cuddling you up? worth it every time ~~~~~gives a whole new meaning to nurse ratchet huh [explanation of urban terminology] [debates of whether the pun is worth a boo] [boos ensue]
Quinn Abrams ~what i wouldn’t do to wipe his scowls away ~~if he ever read this he’d prolly scowl more outta pettiness ~~~jokes on him thats my kink ~~~~scowling? ~~~~~pettiness ~i wonder if he’s let into the tower on technicalities hes way too literal ~~what do you mean? ~~~i mean i’m sure there’s work arounds and such since not every claw could come up with the same answer every time right? ~~~~prettyy sure they meant the literal park arsewipe ~~~~~has anyone ever spoken to abrams? ~~~~~~do...do you know where you are??? ~~~~~~~...right well IF you DID you’d know hes the most literal person outside maybe the fae ~~~~~~~~what if he’s part fae ~~~~~~~~~i can’t exactly see him sitting in a fairy ring communing with nature ~~~~~~~~~~more like him being that voice that tells you to get the ******** out their swamp ~~~~~~~~~~~all i heard is that he’d talk to me so into the swamp i go ~~~~~~~~~~~~into the thick of it! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~N O
Angus McLellan ~once again the welcome squads did not disappoint ~~how did you all find the time to color coordinate the flower crowns is the real question ~~~no the best question is where you got a string quartet to play bittersweet symphony ~~~~just so you know a shrunken cello is a b***h to tune but you’re welcome ~so long to hogwarts goodest bois ~~exCUSE ~~~you’ve awoken the beasts ~~~~you DARE speak over the GOODEST BOIS THAT HAS EVER STEPPED ONTO THIS HALLOWED GROUND ~~~~~i have said this once and i shall say it again BALDER BORSON IS A MYTH ~~~~~~hes like the goddamn tooth fairy ~~~~~~~wank fairy if you will ~~~~~~~~some say if you place your sock under your pillow he’ll leave a clean one in the morning ~~~~~~~~~gods imagine if he and mclellan were related ~~~~~~~~~~at the rate some of these families intermarry i wouldn’t even be surprised ~~~~~~~~~~WANK FAIRY IN TRAINING [depictions of the wank fairy]
Finley Archer ~i am once again asking how he fits all dat a** in those pants of his ~~im a full believer he just sows two pairs around it i don’t see any other options ~~~you know what to do with that big fat butt… ~~~~choke me senpai ~~~~~~(softly and emphatically) no ~he seemed so stressed this year i nearly offered to give him a massage ~~why didn’t you i doubt he would’ve been mean about it ~~~careless whisper keeps targeting me ~~~~ex-cuse? ~~~~~whenever i get close to him the sax solo from careless whisper erupts in my head and then i can’t do anything except fantasize a strip scene ~~~~~~of him ~~~~~~~nah of me-OF ******** COURSE OF HIM ~~~~~~~~i mean i’m all for reciprocal luv ~~~~~~~~~and giving and receiving strip teases is what you call ‘reciprocal love?’ ~~~~~~~~~your mom didn’t hug you as a child did she? [dissolves into therapy]
Pietro Donati ~whoever designed his larping costume understood the assignment TOO well ~~think it was him ~~~ofc it was him really should’ve known ~~~~we stan a man who understands assassins can also be sexy ~~~~~i thought he was some sorta rogue ~~~~~~if an assassin is not also a rogue then what are they?? ~~~~~~~im stuck that you thought assassins were anything BUT sexy like what pLANET do you live on?! ~~~~~~~i thought we were over slut shaming sex workers ~~~~~~~~in what way is assassination sex work?!? ~~~~~~~~~both perform tasks for money, wear costumes, use fake names, get tested regularly, generally have a theme in which they perform their tasks, need i go on [venn diagram of sex workers and assassins with pietro in the middle] ~this is murdoch erasure ~~I FEEL AS THOUGH WE’VE STUMBLED UPON SOMETHING WE SHOULDN’TVE ~~~IS IT A KINK IS IT NOT A KINK WHAT DO WE EVEN CALL THIS [chaos ensues]
Chadwick Knapp ~why is it everytime i see this b*****d the song grenade gets stuck in my head ~~maybe because if you were on fire he’d watch you burn down in flames ~~~its probably because he said you love you but he’s a LIAR ~~~~COS HE NEVER ~~~~~EVER ~~~~~~EVVEERRR DID BABY ~~~~~~~everyday i live with the regret that theater was brought back merlins soggy tits ~anyone else get a dr jekyll mr hyde from him? ~~gay disaster in the streets murdering sycophant in the sheets? i can see it ~~~but whats the cause of his transformation? ~~~~compliments ~~~~~”i like your hair” then whambamdon’tcallinthemorningiliketoliein ~~~~~~by gods if it was that easy ~~~~~~~if i even got to the whambam he wouldn’t have to worry about the not calling i’d be dead and buried and it’d be well worth it ~~~~~~~~here lies jeffery, back broken consensually and never got to see his morning tea. hail mary full of grace [chorus of hails]
Eden Harper ~i’ve heard army kids are hella repressed and grow up to be rebellious ~~the only rebellious thing this guy has done is only starch his shirts once ~~~*s c a n d a l o u s* ~~~~he wouldn’t have to starch me i’m stiff enough thx ~i just wanna know why he’s always so grumpy ~~pretty sure half is regular gay repression and the other half is school ~~~dafaq you mean ~~~~like newts are awful mate 12/10 would not recommend ~~~~~youknowDAMNwell ~~~~~~listen i’ve caught him staring way too often at butts for there not to be just a tiny bit of jam in the sugar bowl if you catch my drift ~~~~~~~it would be perilous but i would volunteer to be who he dips his spoon into ~~~~~~~~the gay alternative to stevia ~~~~~~~~~stevia’s trans, gays are fruit jam ~~~~~~~~~~what’s bi? ~~~~~~~~~~~honey ~~~~~~~~~~~~...im mad this makes sense [various drawings of pride sugar replacements]
Austen Masters ~who decorated his library table because dear god that was adorable ~~we had leftover banners and now like 5 of us owe individual favors to the librarian ~~~i think she just thought it was cute he had so many 'good friends' i don't think she caught on to the fact that we would gleefully bend backwards on that desk if asked ~~~~or bend him ~~~~~or bend him fair point ~~~~~~i just can't believe we had leftover banners that said 'hey panini don't you be a meanie" ~~~~~~~it was either that or the dickasaurous banners we made for Cloutier ~~~~~~~~plus! we actually brought panini's! and sweets! ~~~~~~~~~were they phallic shaped ~~~~~~~~~~you detestable lowlife we would never stoop like that for Masters. they were PEACH shaped tyvm ~~~~~~~~~~~all the apologies
Ashton Bardsley ~OOOOOOOHHH YOU GONNA TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT ~~OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH DOWN BESIDE THAT RED FIRE LIGHT ~~~OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YOU GONNA LET IT ALL HANG OUT FAT BOTTOM BOY YOU MAKE THE ROCKEN WORLD GO ROUUUNNNDDD ~~~~i’d let him use me as a bike seat ~~~~~thats a whole separate song but i like the spirit ~i’m gonna miss captain jack ~~i miss having a fully functioning liver keeping up with that arse ~~~you didn’t have to y’know ~~~~and miss whatever ridiculousness he finds himself in?? i think not ~~~~~he’s calmed down allot i thought?? [‘whatchu mean my boi’ meme] [days without meme: -1119] ~~~~~~he doesn’t drink as much thats for sure but everything else… ~~~~~~~i’m pretty sure he knows who we are ~~~~~~~~its not like we’re a secret society or somethin i’m sure plenty of people have figured it out ~~~~~~~~~no i mean, i think this b*****d KNOWS because no one can be that smarmy about picking up dropped toast on a tuesday morning ~~~~~~~~~~are you tellin me he bend and snapped ~~~~~~~~~~~snapped my ********’ p***k in half he did indeed
Ian Wynters ~truthfully i’m mad he looks the way he does and has the audacity to be upset at when i say he can use my face for a study seat any day of the week ~~he was shocked? ~~~more like he was mad at how i asked ~~~~we’ve talked about tongues daryl ~~~~~he corrected my grammar ~~~~~~NO ~~~~~~~’a seat is a special chair of one in eminence, you’re asking for your face to be a cushion’ ~~~~~~~~pleasetellmeyouresponded ~~~~~~~~~i tried but powell was a tru cockblock and assigned me detention for talking ~~~~~~~~~~YOU TRIED THIS IN CLASS ~~~~~~~~~~~WHEN I SAY ANY DAY OF THE WEEK I.MEANT.IT.
Phoenix Heulwen ~whoever named this bright ******** named him right ~~i just wanna bask some days is that so wrong? ~~~stalking is a criminal offense worth up to $700 in fines, probation and even 3 years in jail ~~~~the fact that you knew this off the top is both clarifying and terrifying ~~~~~oh look that rhymed! ~~~~~~terrifying it is ~i just wanna grab him but his cheeks and squeeze them together ~~im just assume which cheeks you mean and say same ~~~i could be wholesome and mean his a**! ~~~~how the ******** is that the wholesome answer?! ~~~~~c'mon now, it's us ~~~~~~........fuuuuuuuuuuuu [graphic depictions of all the cheeks] [ratings on which cheeks would be best for squeezing]
Bobby Ray Walker ~you think he knows rope tricks ~~WE DIDN'T EVEN LAST A FULL DAY YOU HEATHENS ~~~bigger the fool to think we would knowing that prime grade a beef was awaiting us ~~~~NO ONE HAS ANSWERED MY QUESTION THO ~~~~~BECAUSE IT'S MONDAY AND SOME OF US HAVE TESTS AT THE END OF THE YEAR WE'RE NOT TRYING TO FAIL ~~~~~~YES. OR. NO. ~~~~~~~YES GODDAMMIT THAT MAN PROLLY KNOWS MORE ABOUT ROPES TIES AND KNOTS THAN YOUR LOCAL SCOUT LEADER HE COULD LITERALLY LEAVE ME HIGH AND DRY AND I'D SAY 'THANK YOU DADDY MAY I HAVE ANOTHER' CAN WE PL EA SE GET OVER THIS I ALREADY HAVE ESSAYS DUE ~~~~~~~~...well not with that picture in mind [diagrams of the ties and knots in question] ~take my horse down the ole town road im gonna riiiiiiide till i can't no more ~~to be the horse this cowboy rides ~~~more like to be the cowboy ~~~~ever heard of topping from the bottom? ~~~~~the only bottom thing that man knows is his own ~~~~~~and what a fine one it is ~~~~~~~feel like i walked right into that one
Angus O’Cuinn ~is it sexual harrasment if you wear pants with flirts on the back purely at his eyelevel ~~gives a whole new meaning to cheekies huh? [boos increase] ~~~i mean i guess its only harassment if hes actually harrassed? ~~~~or if they suck ~~~~~if they’re sucking im pretty sure thats called consensual ~~~~~~i meant the pants but a man can certainly wish ~~~~~~~i mean they vary but my fave are ones that say “well here i am! what are your other two wishes?” ~~~~~~~~and he never responded?? ~~~~~~~~~i have kick me signs in places i never thought could be physically applicable ~~~~~~~~~~so what have we learned?? ~~~~~~~~~~~less greasy more cheesy? [chorus of sighs]
Lochi Bardsdale ~what a bruv gotta do for him to drape me in finery like a kept housewife ~~honestly hes nice enough he’d prolly do if you offered to do his laundry once or twice ~~~i get shiny stuff /and/ the chance to touch his skivvies?! ******** sold! ~~~~this is why our welcome back speeches get longer and longer each year ~~~~~harlowe just asks we don’t burn s**t down again ~~~~~~dunno how he does it but drage’s sighs say a 1000 words and most of them are ‘don’t even ******** dare’ ~~~~~~~hill’s strictly threats and considering he’s got access to literal acres we take ‘em seriously ~~~~~~~~what’s clarke’s?? ~~~~~~~~~she genuinely and caringly explains that in the void of space no one can hear our screams ~~~~~~~~~~alright show of hands, who legit popped a scared straight [various hand drawings] ~one day i’ll be able to look him in the eyes and tell him i’d eat his arse like the last slice of treacle tart on thursday evening after quidditch practice ~~that is highly specific but also vaguely sweet? ~~~i think we’re ruined on whats sweet and whats actually sweet [monologue of what they think is sweet] [“you’re done” memes x21] [days without memes: -1129]
Pietro Donati ~i have to say, you’ve done it again lads ~~we figure he deserved an extra special send off for a job well done ~~~a genderswapped version of girl worth fighting for was definitely the correct response ~~~~what even was that song ~~~~~bygods i forget some of you weren’t cultured as children ~~~~~~some of us aren’t muggleborns??? ~~~~~~~mate you literally just watched several boys in drag sing about a hot geek who larps but sure blame your blood status ~i don’t know what im gonna miss more his dumbass questions or his dumbass questions ~~theres something there im just not seeing it ~~~ok but no he has a point. donati either asks some of the dumbest s**t ive ever heard or he asks s**t like “is there a synonym for synonym?” or “is the s or the c silent in scent?” ~~~~what the s**t ~~~~~imagine trying to write notes, pay attention, AND not pop a boner ~~~~~~nah bruv im still on the scent one that shits mental [debates of silent letters]
Hitori Miyazaki ~*tossing barrets and cute stockings behind me* ohh nOOO i hope a cute verse enby won’t follow me into the woods to have their wicked wicked way with me ~~*lights a summoning circle with various sweets as offerings* know i call you, think of me, think only of me, as i only think of you, and dat a**, so mote it be. amen ~~~don’t involve god in your blasphemy ~~~~if it gets me what i want i’ll menage a trois that ******** but who’s been leaving them cute a** hair bands for them to wear ~~whoever they are is doing the lord’s work and should be compensated immensely ~~~the real compensation is them wearing it and giggling about it being gifts from the fairies ~~~~but..are they wrong?
Quinn Abrams ~oh to be held in those beefcake arms of his ~~pretty sure thats called a chokehold ~~~the word “hold” is there so i’m still interested! ~~~~your mother didn’t love you as a child did she ~~~~~i mean i was adopted [and i ope] [days without meme: -1103] ~wonder what he’s gonna get up to after graduation ~~with his intelligence, looks, and don’t ******** with me attitude? cam boy for sure ~~~b r u v ~~~~hear me out! he doesn’t have to interact with people, he can manage who views his content, and he can be as verbally abusive to his clientele as he wants because thats what they’re signing up for ~~~~~.........s**t you think he’d take pre-orders [preorder signup sheets 1-17]
Chadwick Knapp ~alright we’re settling this once and for all: bottom ~~YOU FOOL ~~~I’VE SAID IT ONCE AND I’LL SAY AGAIN BRATS GET SMACKS ~~~~if you keep this up you’ll summon them and then none of us will no peace ~~~~~✪ ω ✪ myesssss~? ~~~~~~OH GOD WE ******** UP WE ******** UP BAD ~~~~~~~we just wanna be included too! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ~~~~~~~~god i just wanted a verse discussion not…*shudders* ~~~~~~~~~(┬┬﹏┬┬) you’re really hurting our ******** THEY’RE DIGIVOLVING ~~~~~~~~~~~where are the furries when we truly need them ~what a man gotta do to get his d**k slapped CONSENSUALLY ~~tell him you once accidentally slapped his boyfriend on the arse ~~~and did you?? ~~~~yes ~~~~~y-yes to which ~~~~~~y e s
Eden Harper ~i heard he found himself a great beard ~~i mean it looks a lil thin an scratchy but i like a lil pain now an again ~~~i think it looks soft! like peach fuzz ~~~~i’m allergic to peaches ~~~~~who the actual ******** asked??? ~~~~~~well how can i compare it if i can’t eat it without dying?! ~~~~~~~im allergic to nuts and i eat nutella just fine ~~~~~~~~so you just choke yourself for fun ~~~~~~~~~if harper aint up to it someone’s gotta ~~~~~~~~~~I WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS GIRLFRIEND JEEZUS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE [referrals to previous posts and diagrams]
Jude Cairn ~it's official the gods are against us ~~they gave us sword using angry edge lord to simp over, fellas we're really winning this year ~~~he's more emo than edgy, hes got that air of "i've got a dramatic backstory i can't tell you about" ~~~~"unless you ask me specifically and then i'll tell you in times new roman 12pt font" ~~~~~"double spaced with an annotated ********. why is that so HOT [we need help personified] ~no but srsly has anyone really truly seem him angry ~~once in fencing he tore into some kid for holding their sword wrong ~~~he's not even in fencing?? ~~~~huh. that could also be why he was so pissed
Cenek Knapp ~so long to the only man i’d let tuck me into bed after wringing me out ~~readin’ bedtime stories as you’re tied to his frame ~~~the glass of milk you’re getting will be warm and will definitely include the vitamin d you’re looking for ~~~~wrapped in a weighted blanket and cuddled like a cuckold [blessings given] ~i knew those cheerleading uniforms would go into good use someday ~~spelling out his name during the performance was also a very nice touch gentlemen ~~~but what did a mouse have to do with him being fit? ~~~~....did. did you just ******** compare toni basil to that corporate monopolizing hoarding cartoon packrat??? ~~~~~not this again paul ~~~~~~UM. YES THIS AGAIN [reasons and deductions on why mickey mouse is the literal embodiment of capitalism misogyny and internalized homophobia] [accompanying diagrams] [accompanying pamphlets] [petitions for paul to have his conspiracy club] ~STOP ENCOURAGING THIS YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH HIM ~~THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR THE TRUTH
Claude Leveque ~the only frenchman i won't hurl curses at ~~i think we can agree he would be the only exception to the jokes ~~~i wouldn't even mind if he were rude to me at least hes acknowledging my presence ~~~~thats called masochism and we meet every wednesdays under the stairs ~~~~~why under the stairs ~~~~~~*sigh* do i really need to spell that out for you ~aye you know he’s an artist ~~mate, we can actual say ‘paint me like one of your french girls’ and it won’t be a cheesy line! ~~~at best he won’t know where the line is from, at worst he paints you a giant middle finger ~~~~as long as he signs it i’ll hang it in the parlor next to me mam’s prized dinner plate collection
Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 9:46 pm
Dwyn Horne ~ok i know this might sound racist ~~hodundoit ~~~the fact that your acting like this means you know where this is going ~~~~yes and if he finds out we’re dead and not even in death will we find peace from that bastards wrath ~~~~~....so i shouldn’t ask for a thrupple ~~~~~~i mean if you do please make sure you’ve left behind an updated will ~i’ve never given much thought to the whole caregiver kink but for him, i’d make an exception ~~you wish to care for him? ~~~yes ~~~~love him unconditionally giving unapologetic praise and care ~~~~~wholeheartedly yes why do you ask ~~~~~~thats just being a boyfriend ~~~~~~~.....but wheres the kink ~~~~~~~~actually asking him? [error 404] [days without meme: -1331]
Bobby Ray Walker ~now that was quite a send off ~~where and how did you all find chorus line outfits ~~~money, candy, and nsfw art will motivate allot of people nowadays ~~~~but why the quidditch cup? he doesn’t even play! ~~~~~listen steele was onto us, it was either do a twofer at the welcome feast or lay low and we laid low ~~~~~~if only if only the woodpecker sighed ~~~~~~~though nice going with the reversal lyrics to the song ~~~~~~~~you ever imagine having to explain to a 1600’s peasant wat a bussy is ~~~~~~~~~honestly it’s prolly easier than explaining to my mid-50s mother not only what it is but why i was yelling about it being RIP’d ~if i put barbecue sauce on my a** do you think that’d be a lure? ~~i think you mean bait ~~~is that really the part you wanna focus on ~~~~apologies, what flavor of sauce were you thinking? ~~~~~there’s…flavors ~~~~~~my thotty friend, how the hell you think you’re gonna bring in Barbecue Sauce on My Tiddies Himself if you don’t know the basics? ~~~~~~~teach me hoe-bi won, you’re my only hope
Phoenix Heulwen ~I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY ~~you have the floor ~~~i would do him on the floor ~~~~the floor? how about a door? ~~~~on the floor, on the door, by the moor, and on the shore ~~~~~I AM THE HOELAX AND I SPEAK FOR THE WHORES ~i just?? want to pet him??? and tell him hes pretty????? ~~i mean he’s nice enough, he might let you ~~~im not an exhibitionist if we’re doing this he’s going into a tower ~~~~i’m willing to bet he’s at the very least been in one?? ~~~~~no i mean i will full mother gothel lock him in a tower so his brightness is for me and me alone ~~~~~~that is called kidnapping in the first degree and it is indeed illegal ~~~~~~~it’s only illegal if they catch you ~~~~~~~~that is DEFINITELY not how that works ~~~~~~~~~honestly according to 70ish% percent of laws….it kinda is ~~~~~~~~~~what the ******** did someone have to do for bestiality to be outlawed ~~~~~~~~~~~think. very carefully. about wat you just said
Ian Wynters ~the only headboy i ever willingly simped for ~~mate i’ve got physical evidence don’t even ~~~i said WILLINGLY. WHO THE ******** WANTED TO SIMP FOR KNAP?~ [show of hands] ~~~~THIS IS AUGUST LI ERASURE AND I WON’T STAND FOR IT ~~~~~YOU DARE FORGET THE SECOND BORSON COMING??? FOOLS! ~~~~~~*chuckles* Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru~ ~~~~~~~N-NANI!?? ~~~~~~~~WALLIS ******** MCGREGOR [complete dissolve into chaos] ~i left him a strongly worded letter on his pillow the other day ~~have you gotten a response? ~~~just the general “we’re getting really tired of you breaking into the tower blahblah breaking and entering is punishable up to blahblahblah” ~~~~what about wynters? ~~~~~he handed it back to me with red marks correcting my spelling and grammar ~~~~~~why do i feel like thats exactly what you wanted to happen ~~~~~~~do you think he’d want sans serif or comic sans for the next one?
Lochi Bardsdale ~my sweet prince, you shall be missed ~~moment of silence for the fact that we never really got to see him draped in nothing but gemstones ~he brushed against my legs once and lordly ******** if i didn’t gasp aloud ~~please sir, may i have some more?? ~~~M O R E ?????? ~~~~he was so sincere about like no! don’t aplogize!! never apologize for having a gigantic gongorama ~~~~~a bountiful bongaroo ~~~~~~colossal cockadoo ~~~~~~~hefty hungotron ~~~~~~~~massive megalodon ~~~~~~~~~wasn’t that a big shark from like, jurassic times ~~~~~~~~~~and if you think bardsdales giant wiener couldn’t knock it right out the ocean you’ve got another thing coming ~~~~~~~~~~~can i get it in writing and notarized pls and thank you??? [multiple agreements] [multiple copies of agreements] [multiple copies of rejected agreements]
Eitan Ross ~i’m not saying hes a little s**t im saying he’s a toilet after bean casserole night ~~he’s always seemed nice to me?? ~~~ex act ly ~~~~explain it like im simple ~~~~~the gods that decided that group work was an acceptable medium of student learning were nothing but harbingers of chaos and destruction should be shot down from the golden thrones and tied, tried, and quartered like the devils they hide behind their gilded forms ~~~~~~.....ok explain it like im dumber than a dung beetle ~~~~~~pretty boy is partner. pretty boy sit close. pretty boy smiles. pretty boy smells nice. I suffer in ******** im dumber than i thought jfc ~he’s the type that if you did him wrong he’d find a way to ******** your life ~~yeaaa i can see him being into petty revenge ~~~no, i mean he’d literally ******** his way into your life ~~~~”you wanna be a b***h? I will literally ******** your dad and make you my stepson” ~~~~~”can you say hi to daddy, princess?” [adoption forms]
Austen Masters ~a barbershop quartet? nice touch ~~what even was that song tho ~~~WAP is a classic how dare you not recognize it! ~~~~honestly im shocked you got to the chorus before steele eventually ran you out ~~~~~we set up diversions to keep him busy but we still underestimated him ~~~~~~eh you’ll get him next year ~guys hes graduating not dying please watch the language in your notes ~~can’t a gent grieve in peace??? ~~~i’m not really seeing anything…? ~~~~he means the library notes we’ve been leaving ~~~~~what in the ps i love you ~~~~~”do not stand at my table and weep I am not there you lil creep I am a thousand sighs in the back row I am the quill scrawl with gusto I am a scowling face before tea, I am the guilty verdict to which you plea That yes I did catch you staring at my arse from behind bookshelf number 3 ~~~~~~you kinda lost stanza at the end but damn if that wasn’t moving [collection of snaps]
Hitori Miyazaki ~i’m a little surprised no one arranged a performance for them ~~they didn’t seem the type to enjoy being flung into center stage so we did something else ~~~we made them a nest ~~~~c-come again? ~~~~~daily what’s your point? ~~~~~~youknowgoddamnwell- ~~~~~~~we filled this space in his dorm with pillows, soft blankets, and every cuddly stuffed animal we could legally afford because we felt bad at the thought of them snuggling with blood money ~~~~~~~~how’d you convince their roommates to use that space? ~~~~~~~~~our lawyers said that its in our best interest if we don’t answer that question ~i would like to fite whoever introduced them crop tops ~~remember you can’t fight with your d**k ~~~i would like to rescind my earlier statement ~~~~wait then how do you actually fight? ~~~~~with your hands? sometimes feet. I’ve even seen teeth in some instances ~~~~~~so i can use my hands, feet, mouth but not my d**k? sounds like weird foreplay but alright ~~~~~~~ohhhhh i’ve got a bad feeling
Jude Cairn ~they made the right call making him prefect ~~yeah no one wants a random soliloquy after wrongdoing ~~~speak for your ******** self ~~~~i am not at this point i’ve been caught by every prefect BUT cairn ~~~~~ahh it must be his simp senses ~~~~~~he’s got those? ~~~~~~~either that or he’s a mind reader because he always looks vaguely disappointed in my life choices whenever he sees me ~~~~~~~~well what exactly are you doing? ~~~~~~~~~figuring out what would be the right angle to fall down the stairs so he would literally fall on me ~~~~~~~~~~i’m also disappointed, its not about the angle you fall its your direction and center [various diagrams how to fall down the staircase] [“are you good” meme”] [days without meme: -1309]
Claude Leveque ~listen i think we can all agree on one thing and one thing only ~~he could choke me with his thighs and it only be considered a crime if he stopped? ~~~...two things we can agree on, that his eyes will be the death of us ~~~~hows a fellow supposed to have unruly thought when the eyes of literal angels are looking upon him ~~~~~tell satan you’ll see him in a few and carry on? ~~~~~~....you’re swedish aren’t you? ~~~~~~~i don’t really see how that matters but yes my family is swedish how’d you know? ~hes such a polite gent, he fixed my bag strap once after it spilled all in the hallway ~~what’d he do?! ~~~he did this sorta sticking charm to temporarily fix it and said it should hold for the rest of the day, i kinda feel bad after ~~~~why??? ~~~~~well he saw me and asked how my bag handled and i couldn’t tell him i placed it on a spot of honor in my room under a privacy spell ~~~~~~what’d you say then? ~~~~~~~that i flung it in the lake ~~~~~~~~why the lake?? ~~~~~~~~~IM NOT GOOD AT LYING AND HE WAS RIGHT THERE
Angus O’Cuinn ~i just think its a shame no one actually tried to place him in an enlarged pocket ~~as much as we may joke about having him step on our dicks, i don’t think allot of us want that to happen ~~~speak for you goddamn self??? ~~~~if this is what it takes to have that b*****d tapdance vivaldis’ 3rd on my junk so be it [godspeed’s] ~im actually gonna miss his retaliation pranks they were pretty creative ~~never let it be said you can’t be annoyed, scared, and horny all at the same time ~~~i..i mean i don’t think no one’s said you can’t but now i’m curious ~~~~i didn’t even fully mean for it to be dirty but the next thing i know im being flung out into the damn lake but my underwear is still dry on land ~~~~~that is hella impressive what did you say? ~~~~~~you must see job openings every time you go into a bathroom ~~~~~~~HOW COULD HE /NOT/ TAKE THAT DIRTY THE ******** MEANT AS LIKE THOSE GUYS WHO GIVE YOU COLOGNE AND MINTS AND s**t DAMN ~~~~~~~~~they still do that??! AND YOU THOUGHT THE ******** LEPRECHAUN GUY WAS THE PERFECT FIT WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ~~~~~~~~~~that i had an employment vacancy ~~~~~~~~~~~you gais, we’ve found the one tru stoopid [all hail the stoopid] [hails]
Simon Blake ~literally every flavor of the rainbow with this one ~~twink? check. switch? check. baby boy? check. ~~~i feel like to be every flavor there should be some dom daddy action somewhere ~~~~the only daddy blake knows is prolly his own ~~~~~.....Ross? ~~~~~~HIS ACTUAL FATHER FIGURE ~~~~~~~....wasn’t Reggie a Blake ~~~~~~~~THEY’RE COUSINS???? ~~~~~~~~~is this really the worst we’ve ever contemplated? ~~~~~~~~~IT SHOULD BE [is it though meme] [days without meme: -1221] ~i would just like to have him sit on my lap like a personal cuddler ~~bro we can have fidget toys why can’t we have cuddlers? ~~~cuz we’re horny as ******** and our profs know it ~~~~who would attempt to get it on in front of a professor?! ~~~~~you’re literally 4mm away from an argument about ******** a professor ~~~~~~or GETTING ******** by a professor! ~~~~~~~your point stands
Caden Drage ~finally! an age appropriate drage ~~he’s only age appropriate if you’re a coward ~~~not.again. ~~~~YES AGAIN ~~~~~and we got new young hot professors so the game just got interesting ~~~~~~and drage will reign supreme each time ~~~~~~~didn’t the knapps’s come back and li? ~~~~~~~~bodacious booty battle royale ~~~~~~~~~(name pending) [various name opinions] ~he’s got some hidey hole in dorms because i swear he just disappears ~~i know what you mean, it’s like hes never there but also never late anywhere ~~~im gonna say it: dungeon ~~~~...yes he lives in the dungeon ~~~~~no he has a secret dungeon *within* the dungeon ~~~~~~a secret sexy dungeon? ~~~~~~~im pretty sure the sexiest thing happening is him reorganizing everyone’s lost s**t he found ~~~~~~~~alphabetical? by size? shape? ~~~~~~~~~yes daddy [new kink unlocked]
Everett Bardsdale ~look at him and then look at you. they are not the same ~~LOOK AT HIM AND TELL ME THERES A GOD ~~~is that a request or demand because yes ~~~~he’s living proof that either god isn’t real and the world is just unfair or there is a god and he plays favorites ~~~~~as a mildly functioning irish catholic the answer is yes ~~~~~~to which?? ~~~~~~~just yes ~i just wanna know the ONE thing he’s not good at? ~~fruit ~~~is he one cos while this would be amazing it would actually nOT be helpful ~~~~nono 2nd op has a point the man never eats fruit ~~~~~wtaf u mean ~~~~~~i mean i sat at his table countless times during brekkie lunch and din and the man hasn’t so much as sniffed an apple pear berry ******** even a damn grape! ~~~~~~~they served steak kebabs once with peppers and pineapples and the dude literally plucked the fruit off to eat it ~~~~~~~~that’s not /so/ bad. pineapple is the devil’s fruit ~~~~~~~~~....we’ll come back to that but no the weird thing was after when he had the piles of fruit he set the s**t on fire ~~~~~~~~~~...he what ~~~~~~~~~~~one second there next second whoosh! honestly, not a good thing for my heart or libido ~~~~~~~~~~~~”not a good thing for my heart or libido” title of your sex tape! [chorus of boo’s]
Jude Cairn ~i know its always said but. truly. outstanding. ~~we knew he’d run if we did what we normally did but we wanted him to be appreciated so this was a nice balance ~~~slam poetry about how you all want to be slammed on multiple surfaces. amazing ~~~~in multiple positions no less! ~~~~~we are a very thorough group ~~~~~~yeah we got that after stanzas 25 and 38 ~he could dropkick me into next week and i’d still suck his d**k ~~would you suck his d**k in a cemetery? ~~~let pet sematary cemetery or an actual one ~~~~why would you subject those poor animals to your debauchery?!? ~~~~~ohsweets remind me later to tell you about why this is funny ~~~~~~reg cemetery ~~~~~~~oh ******** yes ~~~~~~~~rip nan or at least until that dude gets creampied behind your headstone ~~~~~~~~~Cairn is a goddamn gent you cretin he’d def pull out ~~~~~~~~~~but you still ******** in a ceMETERY?!? ~~~~~~~~~~~its about the ROMANCE the SCENERY the AMBIANCE you just don’t understand ~~~~~~~~~~~~reads i wanna be mary shelly so ******** bad ~~~~~~~~~~~~~IS THAT ******** YOU BYRON YOU WANNA GO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~LES GO b***h I AINT SCARED OF YOU
Caden Drage ~i miss seeing my two fave gingers ~~mate he’s got like a whole year left ~~~nah i failed that owl and now i gotta get by on peeping ~~~~you aint special its what we all do ~~~~~i figured that if i came in early and did a disillusionment charm in a corner i could at least get a nice peep in before i got figured out ~~~~~~isn’t that a 7th year charm???? ~~~~~~~you’re point? ~~~~~~~~my brother in christ did you learn a ******** 7th year charm to peep but can’t pass a ******** transfig owl??!??? ~~~~~~~~~I CAN’T DO MATH OK ~~~~~~~~~~obvi cuz this aint math’n ~~~~~~~~~~~only a drage could inspire a thotty perv to do extracurricular learning to be a thotty perv ~~~~~~~~~~~~I’M HORNY AND IM PROUD ~shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? ~~though art more temperate but no less alluring ~~~my nips do shake and bud as your hips do sway ~~~~and summer’s lease is all too short and boring ~~~~~how about instead we do fall and can really emphasize what cuffing season truly means? ~~~~~~itdoesntevenremotelyrhymeoreasonbut FLAMEO HOT MAN FLAMEO [chorus of flameo’s]
Phoenix Heulwen ~yet another hot quidditch captain leaving us too soon ~~the a** of a champion and twice as bouncy ~~~it’d be great if he went pro ~~~~and have to compete with Master’s arse of gold?? my heart isn’t ready luv ~~~~~the perfect job for him would be he just sit somewhere and let people bask ~~~~~~a stripper ~~~~~~~ma te ~~~~~~~~waitwait, lets hear them out ~~~~~~~~~idunno what joints you’ve gone and seen but the ones in knockturn do NOT play games. i know one that got a guy manning the doors that will literally throw you thru a brick wall just for lookin wrong at one of the girls ~~~~~~~~~~so a place where he can safely be on stage out the way of wandering hands but still be allowed to be properly worshiped by his starved fanatics? ~~~~~~~~~~~exactly! ~~~~~~~~~~~~bruv they have places called maid cafes for this type of s**t why can’t he just work there?? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~and subject him to the awful world of customer service?!? i think the ******** not ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~all in favor of stripper say aye [aye’s] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~all opposed? [nay’s] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the ayes have it! [descriptions of favorite stripper looks] [stripper applications] [stripper rejections]
Claude Leveque ~i’m sad he’s leaving but dear god im not sad he is ~~well thats not needlessly complicated. well said ~~~lis-ten. im sad i’ll no longer be innocently judged for my intrusive thoughts but im also glad he’ll be gone because its ******** hard trying to be remorseful when he catches you doing sketchy s**t and you barely avoid asking him to blow your back out in the apology ~~~~i mean you could if you weren’t a coward ~~~~~you can there and judge like you wouldn’t gargle Lucifer’s ballsack after he fell from heaven ~~~~~~there is just so much in that one statement but im just gonna start with ‘why after he fell’ ~~~~~~~have you ever read the depiction of actual angels?? terrifying buggers ~~~~~~~~so angels only become hot when they go to hell? ~~~~~~~~~not so much hell as just falling in general. and its not that they become hot; to them they’ve become ugly because they took on the appearance of God’s creation they hate the most: humans ~~~~~~~~~~....so you’re going to look me DEAD in the EYE and say Claude Lucifer Leveque fall from grace looks like THIS while i wake up looking like roadkill on a GOOD day?!?! ~~~~~~~~~~~repeat after me: hail Luci [hails Luci]
Clemont Vachone ~my heart has known no peace since he started wearing skirts ~~its the overall ones that do me in every damn time ~~~wiTh thE foOkiN soCKs maTE im wEaK ~~~~i was there gandalf, when he did his first twirl ~~~~~b r u v ~~~~~~he..he was just..sofckn..happy.ican’t [condolences] ~~~~~~~HOWS A MAN SUPPOSED TO GO WIBBLE HIS WOBBLE AFTER REASURING THE REASON THAT YES HE LOOKED FINE AND NO I DIDN’T SEE HIS KNICKERS. H O W ~~~~~~~~you….don’t? ~~~~~~~~~when have i ever done the right thing? ~~~~~~~~~~according to the church or the state? ~~~~~~~~~~~both are manmade fallacies and i don’t gotta follow either [“cheers to that” meme] [days without meme: -1384]
Eitan Ross ~its something about the blondes that have angel baby faces but def have spit in your mouth kinks that do it for us huh ~~its the eyes too. the “i’m so innocent just keep looking into my eyes pay no mind to the fact that i am in fact rearranging your organs its all fiiiine” ~~~evil. so evil in fact that i will dedicate my life to ensuring that no other innocent ever be captivated by his sinful lying liar ways ~~~~praytell how’re you gonna do that ~~~~~i'm gonna sit on his face ~~~~~~. . . .explain ~~~~~~~if i’m sitting on his face he can’t use it for evil ~~~~~~~~and…if you were to benefit from this arrangement…? ~~~~~~~~~the only benefit i garner is the knowledge that evil has been thwarted [series of eyes being drawn] ~~~~~~~~~~andmaybeimgettingarimjobsogoodi’llseethepearlygatesandbeabletogiveGabrielahighfive [there we go’s!]
Simon Blake ~i just wanna brush his hair and tell him he’s pretty ~~honestly i want the opposite ~~~you want to pull his hair and tell him go deeper? ~~~~i….y’know what- ~he’d be the perfect person to play house with ~~cuz he’s a meta? I feel like that should involve a word that ends in -ist ~~~no dumbarse because i bet he’d keep the fireplace nice and lit and have blankets everywhere i bet it’d be vury warm and toasty ~~~~do…do you perchance think that “playing house” literally means behaving like a house? ~~~~~is it not just like, literally making a home with someone?? ~~~~~~nope nuhuh they’re too pure we can’t ~~~~~~~BUT WE MUST [depictions of playing house] ~~~~~~~~so from what i’ve gathered…its what i described but ALSO with sexy times? ~~~~~~~~~pretty much yes ~~~~~~~~~~then i stand by my original statement except he’s now naked on the vegan fur rug in front of the fireplace because i don’t want him to be upset at the thought that a real animal had to die for his comfort ~~~~~~~~~~~heysoquickquestion, you single my guy? [dating applications]
Dwyn Horne ~those teeth do things to me ~~i ******** wish they would ~~~i would volunteer to be his chew toy ~~~~put the queer in squeaker toy ~~~~~put the hoe in chew toy ~~~~~~he can raw me like a rawhide any time ~~~~~~~a kong aint the only thing with a hole at the ready ~~~~~~~~i don’t have anything catchy to say about minty chews may i borrow i a hoe? ~~~~~~~~~mint won’t be the only thing spicing up the bedroom ~~~~~~~~~~mint is a spice??! ~~~~~~~~~~~yes?? is that really relevant now??? ~~~~~~~~~~~~YES. MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~me when i found out you don’t actually eat the bay leaves ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~YOU DON’T EAT THE LEAVES!?!?!?? [food conspiracies] ~the day his brother finds these is the day im going to wish for a peaceful ******** coward i want him to literally tear my throat out with his teeth ~~~he probably would! ~~~~jokes on him then he’d be fulfilling at least 78% of my lust wishes ~~~~~iknowimgonnaregretthis whats the 22% ~~~~~~SO GLAD YOU ASKED M’BOY [lustful fantasies pt 1]
Flynn Wingrove ~where the actual ******** has this literal embodiment of a BL manga been hiding all this time ~~does that sound for something sexual or nonsexual because its been honestly bugging me ~~~boy love manga dear god ~~~~and manga stands for…? ~~~~~ha. ahaha. Ahahahahaha. AHAHAHAHAHAHA ~~~~~~your life both ends and begins today [foray into manga] [anime depictions of flynn] [bids on said depictions] ~note to self: never be near him when he eats cookies for good of sanity ~~does he ******** does a lil happy dance in his seat AND moans like ******** pick a goddamn STRUGGLE ~~~~~~to be his seat on cookie day. bless ~~~~~~~to be his seat on any day [bless meme] [days without meme: -1407]
