My Testimony

…Run, tell everyone about the treasure you have found.
I’m writing a book about my testimony, and my experience of coming out of the new age and the truth I have found in Christ alone. But I feel a strong push to tell my story now in a shortened version. I feel there may be someone out there who needs to hear this. Be blessed. I pray the holy spirit will touch someone’s heart today.

One of my earliest memories as a child was waking up alone in my bed, while watching a full- bodied apparition of a woman approaching me. I was about 6 years old at the time. The face of this woman stayed in my mind always, like I just saw her yesterday. This spirit appeared to me for a reason, the battle for my soul was just beginning. As I grew up I would encounter supernatural events in my household that would seem to only target me. I was also plagued by horrible nightmare and apocalyptic dreams that I can still remember today. All of this fueled my desire for the supernatural; I knew there was more to this world and I began searching at a very young age for what lies beyond the veil.

I grew up in a Christian household. My mom catholic and my dad a new born again Christian, after my mom left him, because of alcoholism and drug abuse. I would be forced to go to church on Sundays, say I believe in Jesus, but I sure didn’t know him. I would feel such a seductive pull to study the occult. I became obsessed with tarot cards, hauntings, psychics, and everything metaphysical. I thought Christianity was too narrow minded, and there was so much more out there to discover. I was quite a rebellious teenager, and started drinking at age 14, and would often sneak out of my house at night. There were times I went into deep depressions, and feel an eerie presence around me at night. Some nights something would scream my name in my ear in the middle of the night, and I would be frozen with fear.
Looking back, I now realize God was often calling me, I just didn’t listen. At church, I attended a youth group, and I became friends with a kid there that said he was born again and would often talk to me about Jesus. I thought he was kind of strange, but I enjoyed our long conversations on the phone. He would often call me just when I needed it most. The more I dove into the occult, the more depression I would experience. Whenever I was feeling down, he always knew when to call. Jesus was talking through him to me. One day we were talking about supernatural things, and I told him about the spirit I had seen and other supernatural events that happened to me. He told me simply: “that spirit you saw was not a ghost, it was a demon; there to plant a seed of interest so you would follow darkness”. His comment sent chills up my spine, but angered me a lot. However, I didn’t realize how prophetic his remark would become.

At one point I became so depressed, and felt such a blanket of darkness over me that I was scared to go to bed at night. My mother had this Jesus prayer hanging in her room, and I remember taking it and hanging it in the corner of my bedroom. That night I prayed to this Jesus I didn’t really know. That night I had slept in peace. Something I hadn’t felt in a while. There was something about the name of JESUS.

As an adult I started calming down, and caring about being a good person. I always had Jesus in the back of my head, but considered myself spiritual, never religious. I studied world religions in school, and absolutely loved Buddhism, and Hinduism. I thought I could intertwine Jesus within those, and have the perfect religion. After all, God was so much bigger than just the bible! Wasn’t he? During this time, I also suffered from horrible depression and anxiety, and was often suicidal. I was on antidepressants for years, and they worked for the most part. I got really into yoga, and alternative holistic measures. I was intrigued by meditation, and reiki healing. I would feel so good and peaceful after meditating, and doing yoga. I felt closer to God. I loved it, I finally found ways to help with depression. I was in school to become a nurse and I wanted to become a psych APRN that would incorporate natural healing. I was going to become a yoga instructor and reiki master. In fact, one of my good friends was one, and I was going to learn from her.

I was going through a period in my life where I wanted to get to know Jesus, but I still thought I could do that by practicing yoga and worshipping him while I do it. I was becoming good at meditating, and felt like I could completely shut down my mind. Sometimes I’d go to sleep at night and would feel like my spirit could float right out of my body. Then at other times I’d shut my eyes but, yet still be looking around the room. Like I could see everything around me with my eyes shut. I thought I was just becoming more awakened. Just as I was about to become a yoga instructor, I was reading over what we’d be doing for classes that weekend, and saw how we had to study the Bhahavada Gita. This is a Hindu religious text. Why do I have to study a religion to teach an exercise? Something didn’t sit right with me. That’s when I began to pray and question if yoga was the right path for me. I told God I want to help people with mental illness, is this what he’d want me to do? This one prayer to God would become a complete turning point for my life.

I continued with yoga, and prayed to God while doing asanas and meditating. During this meditation, I saw the most brilliant colors and left there feeling like I had a natural high. Not long after I became obsessed with yoga, and at times felt a strong urge to spontaneously break out into yoga poses. I started feeling energy surges through my whole body, and they would increase every time I would do poses. However, things came crumbling down quickly. I began having terrible, frightening visions, and even experienced sleep paralysis for the first time. I went to a yoga class and the instructor began talking about kundalini yoga, and how she was feeling all this love and light towards everyone. Everyone seemed to be so happy, but I started feeling this thick energy in the room, and the idols that were in every corner, I could sense demons attached to them. I left there just not feeling right about any of it.

I started having sensations in my spine, like little vibrations and a back ache. I began feeling very disoriented. One night I went to bed and as soon as I closed my eyes I got a vision of a demon looking down at me, I literally jumped out of bed afraid. There was also some entity in my house that literally came over and touched me on the forehead, right where your third eye is. I was so freaked out! I remember standing in my bathroom and feeling these sensations going up my spine and in that moment, I screamed out for Jesus and commanded it to stop in Jesus’s name. In an instant, it all stopped. Just like that there was no more sensations in my back. I was shocked and began to cry and pray.

I began to realize truth, and that truth was to be found in no one else except Jesus. I knew Jesus was calling me to follow him, but I was devastated at all the deception I had found. I really didn’t know what to do. How was I going to help people? Only give medications? I would later find out that Jesus was the answer to everything I was seeking. The rabbit hole seemed to never end. As I studied yoga I realized the intent of it coming to the west. It really was nothing more but a deceptive mass missionary effort. Also, I found in the DSM IV book of diagnostics and statistics, which is a book of psychiatric disorders, that there was actually a disorder called Kundalini syndrome. A syndrome defined by psychotic and schizophrenic type symptoms. I couldn’t believe what I was finding out. Yet yoga is being pushed as a fix for everything. I talk a lot about this stuff in my book, and how enlightenment actually means death. Well, Jesus came to give life. I also started reading a book called The Beautiful Side of evil by johanna Michaelson. What an eye opener! Evil really can be beautiful!! “Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee be not darkness”. Luke 11:35

Eventually God led me to a church like I have never experienced before. At first it didn’t seem that great, but the moment I heard the pastor preach it was powerful. He was not going to be tickling any ears. And boy did I crave truth at that point. This pastor was the most holy spirit filled man I had ever met. At one service where everyone was praying and worshipping, I felt the manifest presence of God surround me. I felt fire and warmth all around me. I had no idea what was going on. Next the pastor called me up and prayed over me and prophesied. He told me that Jesus had begun to reveal things to me and not to be afraid. He also said I was a woman of justice and God was going to give me voice. I felt the holy spirit fall on me like a blanket of peace that is indescribable. It’s like feeling the father’s embrace for the first time. God was welcoming me home. As I headed back to my seat, an older woman approached me and told me that “the enemy comes around you quite often. He is constantly trying to condemn you and whispering things in your ear to destroy you. It’s about time to tell Satan to get behind you”. She then gave me the biggest hug ever. I knew what she was saying was true. He was the cause of all my years of depression. But God was restoring my soul, I was filled with a new joy I never encountered before.

I began feasting on God’s word, and learning about fasting. My first 24 hour fast was amazing. That night I began to read my bible and ended up turning to the psalm: “The lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation”. As soon as I read that I felt God’s presence all around my room and I could barely stand. Next I felt an evil presence follow in after it, but yet I had no fear. I began to pray and I had a vision of the most hideous demonic faces ever. I knew these were the demonic faces manifesting that I was being delivered from, and I started denouncing all occult activity I was ever involved in. The presence of God never left me, and I felt the holy spirit around me the whole next day. I even had a light in my eyes I hadn’t seen in a very long time.

I remember running to my pastor and telling him everything going on with me and he didn’t bat an eye. I had finally found a church home! Next I got water baptized, and even two of sons joined me. I watched them change and fall in love with Jesus as well. Soon after this I went through intense spiritual warfare, and was spiritually attacked for months! The enemy was out to destroy my mind, will, and emotions. I belonged to the enemy my whole life. My belief in Jesus wasn’t enough. Now that I had encountered Jesus and was ready to surrender my heart to him, the enemy wasn’t going to just let go. I was terrified. I felt his evil presence around me, and couldn’t even sleep at night. The enemy was causing problems for me in every aspect in my life. I was caught in the middle of spiritual warfare, and God was allowing it for a purpose. I was learning to use his word as my sword. I would often fall asleep crying with the bible right beside me. These were some of the worst times of my life, but yet I got to experience God’s absolute power. I had been fasting on and off for a few months, and praying for more of God and to become as close to him as possible. One day I was so worn out from fighting, but I just cried out for Jesus and was singing and worshipping him, and telling him I trusted him no matter what the enemy did to me. Suddenly the atmosphere around me began to change, and it was like heaven opened on top of me. I felt a river of fire all over me and within me. I was engulfed in God’s love!! I believe this was the baptism of the holy spirit, and like he was refining me by fire. It was the most supernatural experience ever.
Now I don’t want to depend on experiences, but the important thing here is the fruit I began to bear from all of this. I had real inward change. All I began to care about was what was pleasing to the Lord, I no longer craved alcohol, and I relished his every word. The love I felt towards Jesus was immense. I had found the thing I would live and die for. Nothing else seemed to matter. I can’t believe God chose ME!! My spirit was made new, and I was healed from years of depression and anxiety. I threw all meds away, and have never felt better. I now understand what God wants me to do to help those with mental health problems……lead them to HIM!

As a side note, When I first went to church and encountered the presence of God, I told my dad all about it. He simply asked me, “oh yeah, who’s the pastor”? When I told him he was shocked. That was the same pastor he was led to 20 years ago, and was delivered from being an alcoholic and a seizure disorder. That’s when his life changed. He told me God promised him his whole family would be saved. I can’t believe the same pastor that saved my dad’s life would also be the one to save mine. God is real, and I wouldn’t trade my relationship with him for anything. He has restored everything back to me that the enemy has stolen from me, and I don’t deserve it at all!! He is waiting for you. If you don’t know him, seek him until you find him.

Testimony from Facebook group Reasons For Jesus.