[TL;DR: Farinalgo is an idiot, but he loves his brother. He and A'myl finally both make an effort to try and fix their relationship. Farin realizes how intense a rider/dragon bond really is, and it changes his entire objective for Impressing.]



[3573.12.12; Western Weyr - Excerpt from the Spooky Clutch Hatching]

Farinalgo

Farin had been among those who cried in the aftermath of the battering of Akeroth, the white dragonet. He’d stood straight and tall with his head tilted back, keeping the tears pooled until they drained back into his eyes. Then, a sniff, a clearing of his throat, and he was done. But he would never forget the anguish he’d felt, nor the relief that made his entire body droop when the tiny creature Impressed and was whisked away to the healers. In that little white, he’d seen his brother’s Viyanakerth, whom he did not meet until the dragon was full grown. He now understood, in a small way, the struggle A’myl and Vee had gone through for their first turns together, and why A’myl was so fiercely protective of his lifemate.

If you can hear me, Vee, tell A’myl I’m sorry.

Sorry? Whatever for?

Just… We’ll talk later, all right?



[Several weeks later; High Reaches Weyr]

Farinalgo

The egg was warm, and the blond could swear he felt the infant firelizard’s pulse through the shell. It was a consolation prize for failing to Impress, but not even rightfully won. He had spent his savings on it. The woman Shalaera’s smile had been all too knowing when the exchange was made. He was most certainly not the first rejected candidate that day who had comforted themselves with one of her eggs.

He was crouched in the creche with a small gathering of children averaging about four turns old, entertaining them with a short lesson while their caretaker took a break.

“When’ll it hatch?”

Farinalgo grinned at the child who’d asked, was barely able to contain his own excitement. “Any time now. It might even hatch today! And when it doooooes, I’ll be there to shove meat in its widdle mouth, and it’ll love me forevaaaaaaaaar!”

“Speak like an adult,” a distinctly disapproving voice interrupted. Farin looked up to see A’myl passing through the commons. As always, his white dragon—still small enough to come indoors—was practically attached to his side. Oh… Oh dear. A’myl’s hand was on his hip. “You’re not going to help them by teaching them to talk like halfwits.”

“But they’ll know alllllllll about Impressing flitters!” Farin said, purposely throwing his voice up into the rafters. He got the reaction he wanted: kids laughing at his falsetto with complete and utter delight. It was just then that the creche worker returned to take over, allowing Farin the leave to subject himself to more lecturing. Er, have a chat with his half-brother. Sigh.

As he walked up to the whiterider and his dragon, carefully carrying his firelizard egg aloft in his palms as if it were a jewel worth thousands of marks, A’myl’s foot tapped. Tap, one step closer. Tap, another step. Tap, aaaand Farin was close enough to look down at the oh-so-much-shorter A’myl. There must have been some sort of uncontrollable telltale on Farin’s face, for the subtle sass did not go unnoticed. A’myl’s eyes narrowed. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to end up cutting someone with that look!

White Viyanakerth, as always, looked at him with eyes of serene blue. And, also as always, he had to resist the powerful urge to reach out and stroke the dragon’s delicate nose or neck—so beautiful, like that of a dainty, well-bred runnerbeast. He could sense a faint impression of laughter from Vee. The dragon knew full well his desire, and found it… charming. He might not have minded, but if Farin did attempt to pet the dragon, well… he might find himself without a hand. A’myl did not permit anyone to touch Viyanakerth if it could be helped. So petty! It wasn’t as if dragons were made of glass!

But Akeroth had been shattered as if he were. His ichor had stained the sand.

His tiny white body was so very still.



A’myl and Viyanakerth

When Farin’s flippant smirk suddenly sagged, A’myl knew he was about to do something juvenile, such as shoving him and shouting “HA! GOT YOU!” the moment his fallen expression was acknowledged. A’myl actually braced for it out of unfortunate childhood habit. Even under the rigid discipline of the Weyr, his elder brother hadn’t changed at all during nearly a turn’s time at High Reaches. Not one little b—

Oh. Farinalgo was a fair actor, but no one could fake that particular shade of pale. The color had all but drained from his face. Something is wrong, Vee confirmed, flecks of warning yellow spinning into his eyes.

“What is it, Farin?” A’myl pressed, struggling to keep his tone soft. He loved his brother, but Farinalgo had tested his patience so many times that a sharp retort had become reflex.

Farin didn’t answer. He wrapped his firelizard egg into his arms and hugged it to his chest. A'myl beckoned for his brother to follow, leading him to a quieter place for their conversation. Between Threadfall and drills, he hadn’t really spoken to Farin since the hatching feast at Western. That was almost a month ago. He recalled Vee had mentioned after the hatch there was something the blond had wanted to say, but, well… Farin never had anything important to say. A’myl had assumed he was going to complain about not Impressing, or about losing his bet, or something else pointless that would just waste his time and set his teeth grinding for the next couple of days. He already had enough of his own problems to worry about.

When they had reached a more secluded area of the weyr, A’myl turned to his brother and crossed his arms. “Well?”

His patience had grown very thin indeed.



Farinalgo

All of the usual glib replies migrated straight to the tip of Farin’s tongue at that last word, but he managed to rein them in. Nothing gave him such pleasure as did vexing A’myl to the point where the smaller man would turn bright red and storm off. Better to chase him away first than to suffer the pain of rejection for earnestly trying to get along, right?

But the reminder of what he’d witnessed at Western Weyr brought down a curtain of gravity, dragging Farin’s head down out of the clouds. If Viyanakerth had been that frail, then his brother had only been inches from death. If the worst had happened… A’myl might not be here for him to vex today. After seeing two sets of weyrlings raised at High Reaches, Farin knew that if he Impressed, he would be just as busy with his own dragon, and he would likely see even less of his brother than he did already. And Ay’ril… Well, he only saw the bronze rider once in a blue moon, and usually from a distance. Their short time spent together at Western’s hatch was all but a miracle. Ay’ril had even spoken directly to him, though it was only to insult him. Even negative attention was still progress at that point.

Progress that was in danger of being lost, perhaps forever.

“I… I wanted to ask you about Akeroth.”



A’myl and Viyanakerth

At the mention of the infant’s name, A’myl’s lips pressed together in a grim line. He and Viyanakerth had spent time with the white and his rider before returning to High Reaches, and his first instinct was to tell Farin to mind his own business. Akeroth was a stark reminder of what he and Vee had gone through in their earliest days, a re-opening of old wounds, and it hurt. This was personal. Sacred. Not something to be filed away in a mental vault to spew to everyone who would listen later on, in the name of education.



Farinalgo

His heart sank as A’myl’s shoulders tensed and his ears began to redden. What had he said wrong? What invisible line had he crossed? Shards. Farin didn’t even know his brother anymore, did he? He wasn’t even trying to provoke him and still managed to step in something he shouldn’t have. Now tense himself, the blond forced himself to relax his tightening grip on the small egg he held as he grasped for words to fix this.

“I just… want to know if he’s all right. That’s all. Please don’t get mad.”



A’myl and Viyanakerth

It was not like Farinalgo to ask for anything without being a cheeky smart aleck about it, in A'myl's experience. But this... this boy who looked at him with wide, vulnerable eyes, clutching that egg like a protective ward... This was something new.

Glancing at his dragon, A'myl took a deep breath through his nose. "It might take a long time to fully recover from the mauling, but as far as we know, he's doing fine. Now what brought this on?”

He didn’t say it aloud, but his skeptical, high-browed expression spoke clearly enough: Why come to me? Farin could have just asked any of the other riders who were at that hatch. It would have been much less trouble for everyone involved.



Farinalgo

“Vee.” Farin blurted the name almost instantly, as if he’d been waiting for the opportunity to explain himself. The so-named dragon tilted his head quizzically. “What I mean is… I saw him. I mean. Not him, but…”

A’myl’s nod to something the white must have said privately was nearly imperceptible, but the blond caught it. He wished they would just say what they thought out loud! He knew what he said had sounded stupid. He was forever acting stupid on purpose, but this was one of the few times he actually felt stupid. Pride would not let him run, so he mentally withdrew again, cradling his firelizard egg and gently drawing his fingertips across its warm shell as he desperately tried to come up with something coherent to explain what he meant. Speaking in front of people, even a large crowd, had never been a problem for him before, but here his own flesh and blood had him tongue-tied.

Then he felt something. A small pressure in the back of his mind. A faint tapping… a knock? His eyes riveted to Viyanakerth’s as he suddenly realized that the dragon was asking permission to speak to him.

Yes?

He’s been waiting for this for a long time, the chime-like voice seemed to twinkle inside his head.

Really?

Yes. Let’s not disappoint him.



A'myl and Viyanakerth

Farin still hadn't responded, except for that odd expulsion of babble. Viyanakerth had been at the hatch, and might have been visible from his vantage point if Farin had been standing in the right place. What was that nonsense about seeing, but not seeing him? A'myl's stare remained suspicious.

His brother's eyes locked on Viyanakerth then, and his expression went from startled, to disbelieving, to intensely hopeful in a matter of moments. Just as when he'd thought A'myl couldn't see that crackdusted smirk while he smugly loomed above the shorter man, knowing what was going on in that blond head was as easy as reading a book. Farin had zero control over his face.

Just what are you up to, Viyanakerth?

The dragon gave him nothing but a mental shimmer and the impression of coltishly prancing just out of reach. It made him want to laugh out loud. Vee never failed to lift up his spirits, in any situation. A’myl couldn’t help himself, his sharp features going soft.



Farinalgo

Farinalgo watched his brother’s harsh look transform into a gentle smile, wondering at the complete and sudden transfiguration. A’myl’s keen eyes, which had looked upon the other man with all the softness of the glint of a polished razor, now gazed at his own dragon with such remarkable tenderness that it nearly brought Farin to tears.

And then Farin knew. A dragon, even such an anomaly as white Viyanakerth, was more than just a subject to be analyzed and disseminated. He was not a pet, nor was he merely just a best friend. He was a part of A’myl, brought to life in physical form, loved intensely, completely, as he loved himself. To have that sort of love for another living being… to watch that loved one suffer, almost to the point of death… to fear with the deepest part of your soul of losing that crucial part of yourself… It was worth the risk. He wanted so badly to know that kind of love.

“I get it now.”

A’myl’s ire at their private moment being interrupted was instant and unmistakably hot, but Farinalgo blundered on:

“I get why you don’t want me near him. I always thought you were just being a compulsive snob, but you were just protecting him. He’s the most important thing in the world. That’s why you were so different when you came home with him. I didn't know what you went through. I'm sorry I pushed you so much. I didn't know. I just..."

After the words poured out, Farin was emotionally spent. He held his egg close, staring at the floor.



A'myl and Viyanakerth

Farinalgo’s voice grated as it intruded upon them, setting Amyl’s face to flushing dangerously red. A snob? A snob?! An array of caustic descriptors for what he thought of Farin came to mind, but did not make it out into the air. Instead, he stared with equal parts outrage and incredulity as the blond vomited words unlike any he’d ever heard him say before.

"He’s the most important thing in the world. That's why you were so different when you came home with him."

Once upon a time, he and Farin had been so close. Had A’myl really changed that much in two turns away from home? Hadn’t it been Farin who’d been different? The moment he and Viyanakerth had come home—A’myl being a very vulnerable boy of sixteen at the time—he was in their faces, grasping and greedy, trying to take away their safe haven before they’d gotten to rest in it for even a short time. Another enemy who wanted to put Viyanakerth on display as a freak to poke and prod and ridicule.

"I didn't know what you went through. I'm sorry I pushed you so much. I didn't know. I just..." Farin went silent, seeming to shrink in upon himself. "...I just want to be friends again."

The pillar of fire that had risen up inside A'myl, bright and hot, began to fade, but the turns of dealing with his brother’s asinine behavior had made him too wary. He wavered, fighting a silent battle within himself. He and Viyanakerth had been all but alone from the moment they chose to part ways with Zunulth and Amna. He wanted to trust Farinalgo. To have someone close by to talk to, to be able to let down his guard. But most of all, he wanted his big brother back, the way it used to be. But it wouldn’t be that easy. It couldn’t be that easy.

At a soft mental prompt from his dragon, A'myl looked over. Vee's eyes were whirling with every color, but predominantly that ever-tranquil blue... and a deep shade of violet. A’myl… If you let this moment pass by, it may never come again.



Farinalgo

Farin was almost afraid to look at his brother again. If he was still angry, or even if he just walked away without another word… Farin didn’t know what he would do. He feared that A’myl would become just another face in the weyr, and he would be set adrift. Without someone to anchor him here… home was Fort Hold. The thought of going back to the old life, to be limited to a post in Harper Hall or some far-distant hold, made him feel empty. There was so much more to do.

“Why should I believe you?” was A’myl’s terse reply. It stung, but Farin knew he’d earned it.

He took a deep breath, emotion causing a slight shudder on exhale. He’d made it this far. He would not cry in front of A’myl. “I’m sorry. I never meant any harm. I was just excited and ignorant. I never realized how scared you were for Vee.” He looked at the white dragon, picturing him as he might have looked as a hatchling. A tiny, brittle creature with deep blue eyes… but they were violet now. Was the dragon mad at him? In the moment he’d forgotten what the colors meant. His thoughts toward the dragon were pleading for understanding, even as his voice pleaded with his brother for the same. “I saw how small he really was when I saw Akeroth. How fragile he was. It must have been terrifying. I'm sorry I wasn't any help. And I'm sorry if I made it worse.”

As he spoke, emanations of love began to roll out from the white. Not just for his own rider. For Farin, too. Viyanakerth's thoughts wrapped around him and buoyed him up, giving him assurance that all was forgiven, there was time to atone if Farin felt the need for it.

A’myl glanced at Viyanakerth, then turned and smiled at his brother. It was not the customary bone dry, socially-appropriate smile that Farin had come to know. This time, though it was somewhat restrained, it was real.

“You don’t even know the half of it, Farin. But you’re getting close.”