[PRP] It's gotten harder [Prelude x Sayre]

[NymiiNym]

He was scared. His paws flexed against the earth as he lingered outside their temporary den, ears pinned back. They were a days trip at most from Harvest. It had been months since Prelude was able to leave Yasashii and retain movement of his wings, but flying seemed permanently out. The damage had been too much; his wings would no longer be able to handle his weight. He had mourned briefly when Amy had told him but that time had long since passed. It was normal now, it just made traveling harder.

Sayre was either still asleep or busy in her wakeup routine. It wasn't uncommon for him to wake first and sit by the entrance of whatever den they had made or found that night. Belial hadn't been seen or heard of, although Prelude wondered if it was intentional or not. Maybe he had given up. Or maybe he was just waiting for the right time. Either way, the time with Sayre had been mostly peaceful.

Except, tomorrow was the day. He couldn't remember who talked him into this — Sayre or him. Someone had brought up the idea and the other agreed with it. Sayre had stuck near him after his wings healed and he never complained. He liked the company, honestly. She was comforting. But the idea of finally seeing Tallulah after.... how long had it been? How long had he been gone for? He had given Harvest the BCR and then Belial had arrived... Sayre had no way of knowing the time since then, and he honestly couldn't remember. It was blurry.

He didn't know if he deserved to see Tallulah, honestly. He had abandoned the BCR to Harvest in honest hope to never see her again. He had been in a bad place; still was. Things were better now, he believed, and most of it had to do with Sayre's insistence he stayed healthy and alive. It helped him focus. It gave him a reason to keep going. Now that he could walk again it only seemed right to see both his childhood best friend and Tallulah. Except, he was terrified. What was he supposed to do? What if Tallulah wanted nothing to do with him? What if she blamed him? She had every right to, honestly. He wouldn't blame her.

What if him leaving had ruined her life?  

[X Moon Fighter X]

Sayre was off for her morning routine. She went off and hunted. It was easier for her since she was still capable of flight, though it was rather difficult since she did damage them as well during her darker times. It was easier to do something than Prelude and she didn't mind. Even with wings she preferred to stay on the ground with him. With a soft thud Sayre landed near Prelude. "Here. Eat. Let's not having you look too malnourished." She gave him a soft smile and placed a rather fat rabbit near him. She started to fuss with other things; Dirty patches of fur, out of place feathers, just something to make him look more presentable. She could feel he was nervous and she couldn't blame him.

She kind of understood his worries. She had not seen her kids in an awfully long time either. She wasn't sure how they would respond to her as she was now. She frowned at Prelude. "If.. I may. What would be the worst possible outcome?" She paused for a bit. "I'll be by your side if you wish... I know this is important to you so if you want to do it alone I understand." Though she would remain very close. Just in case.  

[NymiiNym]

Prelude puffed at the sound of Sayre landing, head tilting back to greet her. He was accustomed by now to her fretting, although he didn't often agree with it. He was fine, he liked to claim. He knew she wouldn't be that easily fooled, though.

He leaned away from her cleaning to gently swipe a piece of hair from her face and fix an out-of-formation fluff piece, returning the favor quietly. His ears flicked backwards as she spoke, head lowering to take a quick and decent mouthful of rabbit. She was right — he was famished.

"Hmm," he hummed around his food, taking his sweet time before he finally dared to answer her question. "She chases me away and calls me a good for nothin'?" He finally offered, ears pinning against his head. "I abandoned her. To Harvest, yes, who is a fantastic mother, but still..." He glanced up at her, wings jerking against his back.

"Is it too much to ask of you to come? If not..." He trailed off, however his tone said it all; he'd desperately like her to be with him at the meeting.  

[X Moon Fighter X]

She was happy he was eating. Sometimes she felt it was a hassle. She looked up at him. "Alright. I'll go with you." She welcomed the preening. She was never good at doing it herself. She gently nuzzled him. She knew he felt like a good for nothing, but deep down she knew otherwise. "Well, Let's not dwell on the worst. They say it's bound to happen if you think on in too much." She stepped back and glanced him over again. He wasn't in perfect condition but given the circumstances it wasn't bad. In honesty she was rather nervous too. Perhaps Prelude was rubbing off on her, but she tried not to show it. She knew she had to be there for him.  

[NymiiNym]

He flapped his wings to get rid of the remaining hanging feathers before returning his attention to her. Truthfully, he wanted to put off their travel for another day, but Sayre was good at keeping them on track. Hell, she was good at almost everything, if you asked him. The nuzzle was returned with Prelude's own gentle one, his wing raising a moment before snapping back to his side. Sometimes he found it hard not to pull her closer. He didn't like to dwell on those feelings, though, and hadn't given them much thought. Friendship — that's what that was; right?

Regardless, he had met his fill and there was still some rabbit left. He nudged it closer to her, tail swishing around his lower form as he began to rub at his face, removing any left-over blood.

"Is that so?" He questioned, nose wrinkling. If that was true then his own misfortunes didn't make sense; he barely thought in the past. He was perhaps too careless, even.

One thing had been bothering him, though. She had continuously followed him without complaint or requests. When would she depart? When he thought of it he felt a lonely tug at his chest. They had spent months together; Sayre's presence was probably the only thing grounding him these days. She reminded him to survive, and he did for her in return. When it came time for her to leave — whether it be to see her kids or return to the supposed tribe she spoke of — he'd be alone truly and utterly. Back then, that had been nice. Now? He didn't welcome the thought.

"Sayre, what happens after? After all this — the visit? Where do we go, if.... if there's a we anymore after."  

[X Moon Fighter X]

As the feathers left his wings one happened to drift on her nose and she puffed it away. She finished the remnants of the rabbit, she didn't like to waste. Though she felt she would be used to it, she felt her cheeks get warm with his touch. Not now... She thought. She couldn't show anything other than the little confidence she had.

Then the question came and it hit rather hard and heavy. "Afterwards?" She wasn't going to lie. It was something she had been thinking of. "I suppose it would depend on this meeting. I'm sure if they wanted you back you would stay." She hid her frown in a smile. "Don't worry about me if so. I can return home." Unless you anted me to stay... She wouldn't want to impose. She felt her presence around anyone for too long caused trouble and she did promise to help him, if this went well he wouldn't need her. Thinking that made her heart heavier. She knew she still needed him.  

[NymiiNym]

'I can return home.' The comment made his ears visibly flick back, although he kept his mouth shut. He didn't like it — not one bit. Where was she supposed to go? Back to whatever it was that didn't fulfill her? When they had met he had been in a sorry state but so had she. Her 'home' wasn't doing it for her; she wouldn't have been practically a walking corpse if it had been.

But he kept silent. That discussion hadn't come yet. It wasn't after. They still had to travel up the mountain, meet Tallulah, and then the conversation of after could start. He didn't even know where he'd start. He wanted her to stay, but was that too eager? Why did he want her to stay? Because she was red? The all elusive color that had run throughout his life and consumed him whole? No. It wasn't that. She comforted him. Grounded him. Raised him. So many contradictions but they were true — Sayre was his stability. He liked to think he was hers, too. Did he make her life better? Did he influence her, too?

He had to. He wasn't blind. Not anymore, at least. Did it matter, though? How many times had he destroyed something good? Many. He'd destroy this; whatever this was.

"After the meeting I'd like to talk about what comes next, then." Not now — now didn't feel the time — but soon. Very soon. He didn't even know if the meeting would go well.  

[X Moon Fighter X]

She must have been lost in thought. She didn't see his ears flick back or else she would have pressed more. "Well, We do have a bit more to travel. Ready?" She offered a warm smile with a hint of confidence. She wanted to help him as much as she could before... Before she couldn't anymore. She swallowed hard. If she would return home what would happen? Well in short. Nothing. Nothing would happen. Nothing would change and she would just be the husk she was again. She pushed the thoughts from her mind. She needed to be in the now with Prelude... as long as he was happy she would be fine. She did what she set out to do when they found each other.  

[NymiiNym]

He swallowed audibly, body pressing just a little closer to the ground as he gave an affirmative hum. They better start now or he'd find a way to get them to stay put another day.

- - -

No one ever told him walking was so taxing. Flying he had taken for granted, honestly. Hiking? Not his thing. The steep mountain had been utterly exhausting. At times, Sayre had to practically drag his tired butt up. He had, throughout the entire climb, profusely apologized to Sayre. She could fly. He was just bringing her down, really. They'd be there and back already if his wings were functional.

But they had made it, and now he was following behind her, eyes trained ahead on a cave. Harvest' temporary cave. She had taken it, last time he remembered, to watch over him. He assumed he raised her there, too. His ears were fully pinned against his head, body shrinking closer to Sayre with each step, as if she could protect him from past mistakes.

"Is it too late to turn around?" He whispered, a tired half-laugh escaping him.  

[X Moon Fighter X]

She huffed as well. Even though she could fly she wouldn't. She didn't like to around Prelude. She enjoyed his company and would rather be closer to him. As they reached the top they were both winded. As he shrank her wings instinctively hovered over him as if to shelter him. What would her sad frame do to shelter him? She pulled her wing back to her body and gently helped him up. "Yes, Yes it is." She smiled and chuckled as well. "We didn't come up here for nothing." She was a little, okay, was really out of breath. "We can stop and recover, but not for long."  

[NymiiNym]

Prelude wearily sighed, grateful for her cover from the lowering sun. His ears flicked as something began to exit from the cave, instantly freezing mid-step when the sight of a 'daeva emerged. A smaller 'phim bounced after her, weaving in and out between the 'daeva's paws until she suddenly rammed into their paw.

The 'daeva had noticed Prelude, their body tensing as their mouth curled into a tight frown. She took a step closer, flames licking at her heels before her wing extended to push the smaller 'phim out from under her.

"Prelude," She whispered, frustration pouring into her chest. Why was he here now? After the child he left her had finally stopped asking where he was? He had run off — off to somewhere he perceived better than raising a child. He may be her best friend, but he had done something wrong, and it showed in her entire body as she stood upright.

He had no right to look at her with that sheepish and nervous smile. How was he the nervous one? He had chosen this; had thrown a BCR at her and left suddenly when it suited him. Her teeth grit as the 'phim behind him peeked out from over her wing, petite paws resting on her shoulders.

"Tallulah, wait." Her voice strained as she pressed back on the 'phim, eyes snapping back to look at the boy who had left her. The boy who promised they'd always be by each other sides. Promised they'd never betray one another.

Promised their friendship meant something.

Her flames flickered as the normally composed Harvest showed an emotion she hadn't shown in years; anger. Her eyes narrowed sharply, head turning away as she eyed the female with him. Who now? Who was this now? Another girl who would toss him aside for Harvest to pick up the pieces? How was it the emotional and friendly one went through four mates and she, the strict law abiding and emotionally stunted 'daeva was still and forever would be on her first and only mate?

How was it he was the one who ended up in this mess?

Before she had a chance to open her mouth the 'phim behind her let out a sharp and alert cry, ducking under Harvest and launching herself at the two.

"Papa? Is that really you?!" She knew that name! Not only had Harvest told her his name many times, but aunty Aerelia had mentioned him several times on her visits, too. Her paws landed directly in-front of Prelude as she dipped her head under his chin, nuzzling the larger 'phim before brushing her entire side against his. It had to be her papa; her one and only father. Harvest said he'd come back one day and that day was today — she knew something good would happen today!

Her eyes flicked to the 'daeva, head cocking to the side before she instantly leapt at the 'daeva and offered her a brief welcoming nuzzle against the cheek. Whoever this lady was she was with papa, and that meant they were friends now. Tail wagging a mile a minute, the 'phim redirected her attention to Prelude, bouncing paw to paw.

"It's you, isn't it? I know it is — Aerelia told me alllll about how we looked alike! I knew you'd come back! Didn't we, Harvy? We did!" She chanced a glance at Harvest, trotting foot to foot before nodding in excitement.

Prelude, however, was absolutely speechless. His mouth parted, eyes frantically flicking between all three girls before they finally rested on Tallulah. In the most eloquent way, Prelude managed out a; "I..... um....?"

Nailed it.  

[X Moon Fighter X]

The air was tense around all of them. The Daeva, who must bee Harvest looked livid. She could understand why. Its a lot to deal with, having a kid shoved on you and being left to your own devices. There was no mistaking Tallulah was Prelude's daughter. There was no mistaking. She gulped hard and smiled sheepishly when greeted by her. She felt it wasn't her place to say anything to them and was probably more tense than Prelude was.

She leaned a bit closer to Prelude and whispered. "Breathe... Tallulah is happy to see you." She felt Harvest would be a whole other thing beast to calm. She didn't know much about their relationship, so it was hard to step in. Maybe she can help nudge him a little further. "I believe he is trying to say, Hi." She felt her heart pound in her chest. This was too much.  

[NymiiNym]

Prelude knew she was happy to see him, but somehow that didn't soothe him. Maybe it made it worse — Tallulah had expectations now. Deities, why was this so hard? Shouldn't he be happy? He was scared shitless! He couldn't help leaning closer to Sayre, looking down at Tallulah and offering a slow nod when Sayre spoke for him.

"Err, yes, I — hi." His ears flicked down, eyes glancing to Harvest for approval and immediately regretted it when she glowered at him. His head snapped away to look back to the safer one who happened to be his child. How did he make such an upbeat girl? Had he been like this? He couldn't remember anymore.

"Hi!" Tallulah immediately squeaked back, one paw raised in mid-air as she wagged her tail. "You came to see me, didn't you?"

"I.... y-yes I... I came back for you. To see you. To...?" He trailed off, eyes distant for a moment. To what? She had already been raised. To stay here for a little longer? To bond? To finally embrace the family he had wanted in the past but always was one step short from? That stung. How many times had he had his heart broken right when the topic of children came up? All of them had left around that time. After the third time he hadn't considered what would happen if he ever got past that stage, and then Tallulah arrived.

But deities, she was beautiful and excitable. Pride swelled in his chest for a moment, however it deflated when Harvest neared them.

"Yes, what are you planning to do?" She questioned heavily, tension evident in her voice. Prelude cleared his throat, eyes trained on her feet.

"I'm back now," was all he offered, voice struggling against her anger. Harvest clicked her tongue, flames flashing.

"Oh? Now you're back? What good i-"
"Harvy." The gentle 'phim strained her voice to be heard, desperately glancing at Harvest. "Papa is back, isn't that good enough? We should be happy."

Harvest's tail twitched, ears flicking as she eyed Sayre now. Prelude noted the look, manners kicking back in. "This is Sayre," His voice strengthened as he sat upright. "She's my —"

"Girlfriend?" Tallulah piqued up loudly. Prelude sputtered, cheeks heating as his paws ground into the dirt.

"She's- I... she helped me when I was down. She's the only reason I'm here. If you're going to welcome me, please welcome her, too." His cheeks remained red, eyes staring intensely at the floor. Oh deities, please don't let Sayre look at him.

Tallulah, on the other hand, was thrilled. She wagged her tail, turning to Sayre in greeting, again. "Welcome, Sayre!"  

[X Moon Fighter X]

"Girlfriend?" She heard the words echoing in her head and everything froze for her. Should she step in and correct her? Or let it slide? "U-uhm... It's... a pleasure to meet you." She was trying so hard to read Harvest. Tallulah wasn't hard. She seemed elated and happy that Prelude was back. She was too lost to turn to Prelude for some sort of help or guidance. It didn't help that Harvest just looked ready to smack them both off the mountain... which she honestly would welcome. This was incredibly awkward and maybe should have agreed to turn back when he asked.  

[NymiiNym]

Prelude clearly wanted to die right then and there. Harvest's tail lashed, eyes trained on Prelude and Tallulah before she gave a heavy sigh. She wasn't sticking around anymore, she had something to do and she could grill Prelude later. If he was still here later. "I was off to see my youngest son and daughter, so I'll leave you three be. I'll be back." The warning was more for Prelude than anything but she let it linger in the air before spreading her wings and launching off the mountain.

Tallulah bounced once more, tossing long hair over her shoulder. "Everything is all nice and clean in the cave. We even have some leftovers if you two are hungry!" She paused, ears flicking down, akin to her fathers own habit. "You're staying for good, right, papa?"

The question was hopeful and heavy, a reminder of the time he hadn't stayed without Tallulah meaning to. "Harvy's mad, but she was really scared... I know she'll forgive you. And she can go home now, too. I know she's been worried about her second litter a lot. She's sacrificed a lot to take care of me... You understand, don't you? You'll be friends again, right?"

Prelude stared at his feet, nodding quietly. He hoped so, but had he ruined that friendship once and for all? He looked up at Tallulah, offering her a quiet smile before looking out past the mountain top.

"I'm back for good," He confirmed softly, glancing back at Tallulah and tiredly smiling her way. Suddenly, the weight of his adventure lulled on his shoulders. He was so utterly tired. So many miles, so much drama, so many broken bones — he was ready for a long, safe, and lasting sleep. He didn't have anything to do tomorrow. Didn't have a plan or goal. He could sleep as long as he wanted. Sleep and rest.

Rest sounded nice.

.... What about Sayre? Where would she go now? He had found his place, for now. His eyes lingered on Sayre, not oblivious to the fact they needed to talk. Needed to say goodbye. Needed to let her go to her home now.

Except —

His teeth grit, ears flicking as he eyed the cave he had wallowed in for months before Tallulah was born. It was big. It had channels. Enough for the three of them. Everyone could have their space and still be connected. Everyone could make their own den to sleep in.

Would they need three dens or two...?

His chest tightened, fear flickering violently. How many times could one fall madly in-love before it was enough? How many times could one find "the one". Or had none of them been it? He didn't know anymore — how was he supposed to? He had given everything before and it hadn't been enough. He had thought it was age, but even as he got older her kept messing it up. Kept losing and hurting others. Could he really say he was fit to claim he was good enough for someone else?

Harvest used to call him a foolish romantic. She kept insisting that "the one" isn't the first person you see who made your heart flutter. That's what 'fools' thought. She told him the one who stayed, the one who argued over what was important and stuck their foot down was "the one." The one who helped you at your worse, licked your wounds, and wasn't afraid to let you know you were wrong was the person you belonged to.

Someone who grounded you.

Someone who got you.

It wasn't puppy-love. It was teamwork, partnership, and the sheer effort to understand one another despite differences and situations. She had told him once you know, you know.

And something in his chest wanted him to know.

He was utterly terrified to try again. Absolutely horrified at the idea of failing again. That's why you take things slow. Something Harvest had always hissed at him. He kept rushing to feel like his life was complete. Kept pushing it. What if... what if the next time he just lived in the moment? Just embraced what he had without pushing rapidly for more? What if...

What if he had figured it out finally?

"Tallulah," he croaked, voice cracking under the utter weight his thoughts had left behind. "It's late, and I need to talk to Sayre about what we're going to do from here. Can you give us a moment?"

Tallulah visibly deflated, ears lowering as she shuffled. "Are you going away?"

"We'll be right here. You can sit by the cave if you want to make sure, I promise."

Tallulah perked up, shaking her head as she flicked her tail Sayre's way before bouncing back to and inside the cave. The sound of shuffling could be heard; perhaps cleaning. Prelude turned to Sayre, ears lowering as he awkwardly pawed at the ground.

"I'm sorry... I didn't think she'd rush over so fast... are you okay?"