Every candidate in the kitchens couldn't stop chattering with excitement. Faranth, if one had been more open to how the conversations were actually spreading around the Weyr - and likely also at Western - nobody could stop talking about the massive clutches that had just hit the sands. Fifty nine eggs. Fifty nine beautiful eggs. Fifty nine beautiful future dragons and Niika wanted to think about anything but them. But oh, it was hard to both ignore and eavesdrop on all the excited gossip when she was everywhere about the place. Chopping meat and vegetables in the kitchen? Someone would whisper about the big blue one in the back of one clutch, or the dark ominously bloody looking one in the other. The eggs hadn't even been on the sands for a full day and the conspiratorial whispering had already begun.

"Hatching Feast decisions are already well underway," someone had informed Niika, and she'd smiled and paid attention to what delicacy was coming from where, and what Lord would likely do what, and how many new robes had to be stitched up. It was going to be the most eggs seen on the sands at the same time in a while as well, and when talk had turned to Searchriders being sent out for more candidates, well.......Niika had withdrawn from the conversation with a polite smile and the excuse she had work to do.

It was easier to focus on work than focus on the pang of want inside of her. It was easier to simply nitpick a tray of food and it's presentation to be as perfect as she could get it, even if it would never be given a glance between writing this or that report. It was easier to not make eye contact and hope it didn't betray her sour mood.

Still, she'd found comfort in taking an extra moment to lean her head against Eriath's shoulder, doing her best to shake loose bitter thoughts and deeply hooked desires that just made everything hurt when the line tugged because it got tangled up in this or that. I know I can't just force it, but it is a powerless feeling to just want and be able to do nothing more, she informed Eriath privately. Yet she had the feeling that the moment she'd shared just that, it became a three person thought instead. There were worse problems than a man who mostly watched knowing she was frustrated.

Would it still feel like the longest wait in the world for the Touching? For the humming of dragons? Would her internal dread of watching it all go on without her make it come so quickly that she'd blink and it'd be upon them?

It had used to be exciting to her too. But on occasion she passed by a familiar face and they'd give her a look that sent every bit of cool headedness she'd gathered up sink down into her stomach, where it bubbled like a disease. Pity, pity, pity, and none of it helpful. It made her feel like she'd been an idiot to ever hope every time she saw it. Like it was her fault she'd pushed those who knew her away instead of theirs for making it unbearable for her to even move on in her life. Maybe heartbreak would have felt better than all of this.

But no matter how she tried to distract from it, she knew it would be all she'd think about for the coming sevendays. So Niika told herself she wouldn't even go see. It would be better for her that way to keep from staring from afar and longing. Maybe then she'd come to terms with it easier. Maybe then she wouldn't look at the outliers and get her hopes up.

Her hopes so wanted to be up.