It had really only been a matter of time before he found himself coming to look at the eggs that had been laid, but as he'd even been told outright that the likelihood of his Impressing was very slim Rizdax had taken his time coming to take a peek and pay his respects. It had been months before that Nimueh had told him that and in that time he'd been working closely with her and found that he could sleep for a few more hours a night than before, her treatment slowly helping him come along from the nightmares that plagued him as he came to understand that it wasn't fully his fault. Not that he'd yet forgiven himself for that fact. Which of course made it odd for him to be standing in front of the sands, eyes narrowed and emotions whirling behind the otherwise passive expression he'd plastered on his face.

All of his friends were excited, every candidate was fairly shaking with the desire to go out on the sands and touch eggs, to go and stand for a possible Impression. Somewhere deep within himself there was a maelstrom of desire as well, but having understood his own faults and weaknesses Riz couldn't do much other than peer at them on edge as the newfound understanding of his broken internals made him wonder if he was even capable of meeting a match out there. Of course he wouldn't let Shar down, he'd go and touch eggs and stand beside her as equally as he could, but the nagging realization that he might not stand a chance was there in the back of his mind and it was louder than he'd ever imagined. Even just standing looking at the eggs from such a great distance, half hidden by the stone entryway, he couldn't help but let those feelings wash over his excitement.

What good was it to get excited when there was a very real possibility that he was still too broken to even be considered by a baby dragon?

Still, Riz bowed his head towards both the queens and cast his eyes across each shell on the eggs and couldn't help but wonder and hope as strongly as he possibly could. Hope and dream against what he'd been told and what he'd known all along, that there might be some small dragon out there, no matter what color it was, that would see all of him and not hate what it saw. For that was the thing, deep down, if you hated yourself for one thing then why would a dragon not hate you too? Why would a baby pick someone that didn't enjoy their own company? Thanks to Mharlith being a solid force for him, thanks to Nimueh reaching out in efforts to help heal what was broken in his own mind, the redhead had come to understand what it was that he needed to do to get better, get more sleep and accept his life for what it was.

But just because he still felt a bit broken, just because he'd been told that a broken mind was as bad as a broken body, none of that meant that he had to give up, that he could ever give up. Gold eyes worked to memorize the shells on each egg quietly, still narrowed to see that far as he was too nervous to edge any closer lest the queens be irritated, or sense that maybe there was still something wrong with him. Rizdax was just the same as any other candidate was really, he wanted to Impress to a dragon, one that would work with him to help High Reaches and keep the rest of Pern safe, if they could. He'd heard far more foolish reasons from other candidates who were standing, surely that wasn't such a bad dream, to make it so others didn't know the pain he still felt in dark or silent moments of loneliness. If he could fight side by side with a dragon, with other dragon riders, then maybe he could even save just one from that future and that would be enough for him.

A Touching was coming and that meant that all the candidates would get to see what each egg held, or at least a few, there were so many! Surely his friends would meet their partners out there, even if he didn't... Pulling in a deep breath, Riz remembered all the reasons why he wanted to see them all Impress, and he swore in that moment, as he bowed his head once more to the queens and turned away that he wouldn't let a single one of them down, that they'd be safe if it was the last thing he did. Because Shar, Nalacko, Ielin, Zamistia, and all the others needed to meet their partners in one piece and if he was destined not to Impress then he could at least keep them all safe with everything he had.

"I promise." Riz muttered quietly, swallowing the silent burning feeling that spread through him like a fire and whispered of his own desires. He couldn't do anything about those feelings himself, so what was the point of letting others see them?