[Solo] Honoring Broken Hearts

[Hattaki]

Stormy grey had filled her for days on end it seemed, so stormy and filled with such pain that it nearly leaked from her once glowing eyes. With colder months drawing near, the dainty gold had outright asked her rider to use her free day to go somewhere, anywhere. As long as it reflected the gray that had gripped her own hearts and seeped slowly into Pavari's as well.

Of course the young rider had acquiesced, there had never been a time in their history that Susurinth had requested something and the woman's response not been an instant action to fulfill it. With two gray eyes looking at her with pain reflected deep down into the gold dragon's very soul, there was little doubt that she would say no this time. They needed to be away and take the time to process what had happened before the gold dragon had to explain it to another.

With so many options it took them a jump or two Between to settle on the exact location that would work for them both and it was neither sunny or uplifting once they'd found it. With Winter creeping across Pern there were areas that were colder than others and where they had eventually come to land was a spot not far from the Northern Wastes where even the mountains seemed to be as dank and gray as what the little gold was feeling, It was a place she could nearly melt into her surroundings as her hide finally went dull without the presence of others around and her emotions fell like a stone through water. Pavari's body visibly lurched as she dropped from Susurinth's back, all thoughts of doing anything creative gone as if they'd never been there in the first place.

Slowly the woman made her way to the gold's head that had dropped to the stone, eyes the deepest gray that she had ever seen, and sat beside her head quietly with one hand running across her eyebrow ridges. It wasn't helping but at the very least she could be there for her beloved dragon as she mourned the first loss of what certainly in that moment felt like many to come. It wasn't bad enough that she had lost one of her children, but that it had been so soon was what had the gold grieving quietly, hearts broken and unspeaking until earlier in that same morning when she'd asked to come here. What she could even do Pavari wasn't sure, but as her gold had never abandoned her in all the turns they'd been together, romping around Pern like a pair of wild creatures, she certainly wasn't going to let her beloved Susurinth suffer alone. And suffer she was. Long body trailed out over the gray stone, snow falling on her and dissipating with the heat that came off her dull golden hide, the dragon didn't even seem to have the strength to rise from where she'd lain.

Training accidents always happened, that was second nature to the pair since they'd witnessed the death of fellow clutchmates and bonded riders in Monaco Bay Weyr before they'd even known fully how to Between. At least at Western the two of them knew that Susurinth's children were receiving the training that they needed without a hitch, after all they were getting the exact same training weren't they? Shy of learning the basics and how to hop Between like the other babies, they had been learning as well. It was really no one's fault what had happened, but it wouldn't bring back Lishanth or his rider, they were gone and nothing on Pern, not even a gold, could bring them back now. The young bronze's siblings had mourned, the entire Weyr had really, but Susurinth had reserved herself, the solid rock that her children had needed. Pavari had wondered how long it would take for the little gold to begin to mourn on her own, but she'd wanted to hold herself together, her emotions strong and level for the rest of her children in Western Weyr while she had been formulating what she would tell Cordrath.

Her beloved Cordrath. He'd think her the worst of all failures as a mother even as she repeatedly reminded herself that there was nothing she could have done. But the big bronze was so fond and so protective of their children.

Running her hand up from Susurinth's eyebrow ridge to her closest head knob, Pavari rose and unfurled the bag she'd laid in her lap, rolling out the brushes and paints she had brought along, all the colors that she could remember. In her heart she knew that the little gold wouldn't want to explain to her what Lishanth had looked like, but she figured if she started off of memory alone that it would prompt her to correct her if she were making mistakes. So it was that the gold rider took her palest orange color and began the process of her own sort of grieving. Sure, the little one wasn't her own and of course the boy that had been lost wasn't her own child, nor did she know who his parents were, but there was one thing that she could do to honor their loss and as layer after layer was added, different swirling oranges and yellows, bronze and vibrant green eyes.

Unlike his brothers, the little fiery bronze had been the brightest of colors, closer even to Khamaith and definitely took entirely after Susurinth in everything but the proud attitude that he'd possessed. Pavari had laughed when he'd hatched, when he'd Impressed in such a bombastic way that seemed to be right up there with his largest brown brother as well. It was surely a loss, one that she even felt down in her own gut, that he would never fight thread, would never protect Pern or his siblings as he might have if he'd grown to adulthood. Her hand nearly slipped and an image wormed it's way into her head, raw feelings came along with it and she had to glance over her shoulder at her dragon as she painted on the rock face. The gold was stalwartly looking in any direction other than what Pavari was painting, but her field of vision was broad and try as she might Susurinth saw the error coming before she could make it.

Adjusting where she was about to paint so that she didn't miss the swirl on the little bronze's tail, Pavari added that and freckles in, that entire clutch had been blessed with such adorable freckles and if not freckles then patterns so bold she'd never have believed it possible from her nearly solid colored gold. Susurinth's patterns were her very delicate spots. Cordrath's own dark stripes had been impressive as well, maybe those where where the fiery bronze had gotten his markings? Hatchlings and patterns still made no sense to her, but the painter was bound and determined to find some sort of understanding of them with each clutch her beautiful lifemate had.

Placing the cap back on her current pot of paint, Pavari stepped back far enough that she bumped into Susurinth's hip from where she'd lain. It was as life sized as she could have ever made it, at least for a hatchling as that was what she remembered. Not to mention the colors of paint she'd needed for it wouldn't be cheap to replace and some of them had even been irreplaceable, the colors gifted to her by M'nr on that beach what seemed like so long ago. It had only seemed a fitting tribute, to use the colors of the eggs he and his siblings had hatched from to honor the passing of one so young. Susurinth's first loss.

Tilting her head back, the woman glanced up at the gray sky and realized why it suddenly had been so hard to see, she had spent hours upon hours painting in silence to combat the pain she could feel growing in her chest. At least where they were the day was fading into early night, but the sun would still be out to bask in at Western Weyr, if her lifemate could manage to pick herself up to get them back there.

Fret not, I wouldn't keep us in this wasteland to die in the frigid night. Besides, there is someone that I need to speak to. Susurinth's voice sounded weary and ragged, a whisper where there had once been chiming bells that rang in Pavari's head. It took her only a few moments to put everything back in her bag and roll it up tight for the journey, but she couldn't stop herself from walking to the gold's head once more and laying across her delicate nose. "I'm so sorry, but this is one way to remember him, isn't it? Any time you need we can come back here, we can remember him and honor his memory. " Slowly, lethargically, the gold lifted her head and looked at the painting of her lost son through dark gray eyes.

Sliding down, Pavari glanced from it to her dragon and ran a hand straight up the center of her face to the first ridge on her great but delicate head. "Let's go home, beautiful. I know there's someone you need to talk to before the light dies." Even if she'd said it, even if she'd meant it, the woman got back into her straps slowly, careful not to distract her dragon who's attention was fully on the slowly drying painting. It was too cold for paint, really, but she had hope that it would stay there on that solid rock face, a bright portrait in tribute to a pair lost.

With a hop the two were airborne and large wings took them away from the dark place, Susurinth attempting to steel herself for her return and Pavari keeping her heart open and loving for the two that were broken in her dragon's own chest. The gold had to face her children once more with a level mind and heart and her conversation with Cordrath would break her hearts once more in due time. Wind whipped around them and snowflakes fell gently to the ledge where the gold had spent the day mourning, melting on impact from the spot of rapidly cooling warmth she'd left behind. Not the only thing left, bright colors dulling as darkness fell over the last image of her fiery little son.  

[Hattaki]

Here they were once more, nearly two turns past when another had died, though that one had gone far too soon. It could be argued that the pair were late, but really they had taken the time they needed and didn't come in the same state of grief that had colored their first visit on this range of peaks at the cusp of winter so short a time ago.

No, this time was more a celebration than suffering and grief.

A blanket was laid across the chilly stones and atop it sat long strips of fresh meat, fresh fruit and roasted tubers, water and juice in jars tucked safely into the basket where they wouldn't break, along with one bottle of a fine wine that was deserving of such a moment of memory. Pavari had tucked her crutch off to the side of the blanket beside the pillow that she sat on now, her hands and face covered in different hues of bright and dark greens and a warm smile stretched across it. Absentmindedly she held out a strip of meat for Susurinth who took her eyes off the image of her lost daughter for a moment to take it, her eyes shifting multiple colors rapidly despite herself, but this time they weren't the dark gray anymore.

"They go too soon in this Pern don't they? To this blasted falling silver rain that eats through us all in time, or to Between far too quickly from an error. But all of them gone too soon, even the old." Pavari picked up her glass of wine and toasted the two images, one brightest bronze and one prettiest green. "I don't think we'll run out of wall anytime soon though, so hopefully we're still around to honor them."

We shall be. Susurinth's voice claimed with a finality. It was not her goal to outlive any that she knew or loved but the gold had now lived through her own pain and near loss, through her own sort of grief. It felt as though far more time had passed than two short turns but indeed it hadn't been very long at all. Yet she was a different gold than she had been the first time she'd laid upon the stones and watched her chosen paint a memory for a lost dragon and child. Scars traced down her neck and across her side and chest now, marking her as a dragon that had flown and fallen in the face of thread even if she couldn't flame. The living must go on so that the dead's stories aren't lost. Though it pains me so, at least one had time and stories where the other had so few.

Nodding solemnly, Pavari tilted her head and looked up at Lishanth and Saith curiously. "They still lived, which is more than can be said for those that die on the sands or so young that they barely walk when death takes them. One from Western and one from High Reaches, both you and Cordrath can sing their songs when the sun goes down eh? You having a flair for the dramatic, I like to think you chose me for, can surely come up with a ballad for the ages that would let every dragon know of them." Her face lit up as she saw blue and green swirl about in her gold's eyes. It seemed that the concept was appealing and it stoked the fires of creativity and flair within her as well.

A painter she might have been but she was also a story teller if she put her mind to it. Though her friend back at Western who'd just graduated was far better about it than she. Still, she could think of a few yarns to spread about the pair of them, to make the hearts of those listening dance before breaking at the tragedy of it all.

And it was, though she wouldn't let it get her down this time around, it was a tragedy like as any that happened every time a dragon rider was lost.

As if on queue, Susurinth tilted her head back and roared loudly to the wastes the pain that was in her beating hearts, roared it so loudly that it echoed off the mountains and brought down the early snows that had settled on some peaks. Snowflakes danced around Pavari as one rumbled down nearby and she swung a hand through them with a grin. In time we'll all be forgotten but today we can remember that they lived. The gold turned her head back and pressed her nose against her rider's shoulder gently.

Both of Pavari's hands reached up to wrap around her gold's giant head, scratching her fingers beneath her jaw gently as she was lifted from where she sat and placed on both of her wobbly feet. "Where do you think their honored spirits wish to go this evening? Out to the islands in the east where the sun's starting to set? Or over the waterfalls down on Southern where it'll make us sleepy with the warmth? Maybe over to Whitecliff where I can get some more paints?" She stretched and bent over to start picking up the little picnic back into the basket she'd brought it from, hoping to go somewhere just a little warmer.

Though doubtless they would be bored perusing the various shades of a single color of paint, I believe that being closer to Western would be the wisest choice and certainly we can find a crafter for something I have in mind. The gold offered by way of choice, an impish tone in her voice as Pavari finished loading up the food and supplies onto the bag at the base of her harness. "To enjoyment and beautiful murals it is then!" She kicked her crutch up with her good foot and fastened it down as well before clambering up the gold's back to tighten the straps down for flight.

Maybe the future would hold that in time they'd come back to this particular peak for another mural, or maybe they themselves would be lost and none would find the grieving peak again with the two painted dragons on it's stone cliff face ever again. Or maybe they would? Only time would tell and though laughter echoed around as they took off, both cast a glance back, just one, to remind themselves that life could be infinitely cruel.