[PRP] Don't be stupid [Natalie x Chronos]

[NymiiNym]

This is a backdated RP between Natalie and Chronos, set when Natalie had her first child.

 

[NymiiNym]

"What the hell?"

The sentence hung in the air, thick and heavy. Natalie froze at their shared den, paw raised in stifled movement. She hadn't expected him home -- he usually showed up later in the evening, however, the recent storm must have sent him back. His eyes bore holes into her tail, locked on the impossibly small BCR nestled within. Her throat caught, eyes trailing to follow his gaze.

Well, she could lie.

Was it even a lie, though? She really didn't know if the BCR was also hers. It looked like Nebiros, primarily, although the black base could be hers. Or a throwback from Nebiros -- had she even considered asking that prior? What was she supposed to say to Chronos? 'I slept overnight in a den with a stranger, but we didn't do anything! I swear! There was just a BCR suddenly at our feet!'

Yeah, no, he wasn't going to believe that.
Did it matter if he did?

She had been so good for him, waiting for the day he was ready for her. He had asked, after all, following her confession with a request to put it on the shelf until his daughter was old enough. Then, it happened and still, he never revisited the conversation. In fact, nothing had changed in years. They remained friends except Natalie had somehow wormed her way into living with him.

He had stepped to the side, and honestly? Natalie felt like he had only asked her to pause the thought because he didn't care for her. Didn't know how to reject her and so he rather take the easiest solution -- silence. She had waited and he had continued on, so really -- did it matter what he thought?

"It's a BCR," she answered flatly, lightly shaking herself off from the cold and rain. "I'm keeping it. If that's a problem I can move out, of course."

Chronos gazed at her tail, eyes wide and mouth parted in shock. Natalie wondered how long he could keep the expression, snorting under her breath once he managed to pick his jaw up.

"No, I know what it is, I- here? Live here? That's- I mean, that's fine, I don't mind, I can't throw you out into the cold with a c-child, I just-" he paused, head shaking as he sank onto his back legs. "Well, I'm honestly just shocked. I didn't wake thinking there'd be a child here." His laugh was low and cold -- false.

"Is it...." Chronos trailed off, his face tightening and eyes looking up at hers, overflowing with something Natalie couldn't identify. She waited, counting the seconds as irritation swept in, bitter and deep, eroding at the smile on her face.

"Is it?" She repeated, sharpness finding purchase in her voice, a weapon in its own right. "What, Chronos? Is it mine?"

His head snapped back, alarm and protest on his face. He hated being read, hated being predicted like the book he was. Natalie huffed lowly, despising the fact her heart fluttered when she saw that expression of his. 'Cute,' Natalie found herself internalizing, and a part of her abhorred it.

"I don't know," there was a long tense pause between the two, leaving Natalie only room to continue. "I was caught in the storm and stayed in a cave, which ended up being the den of a Daeva. Nebiros, actually. Nothing happened -- we went to sleep at opposite ends of the cave, but when we woke this was here."

Affectionately she nudged her nose against the BCR firmly on her tail, nosing at it until it slipped freely off, only to be scooped up between her teeth, delicately placed where she slept. Chronos eyed her, words eaten by the expression on his face. Natalie didn't try and decipher it, instead sitting before her child with a look of pride. Even if she wasn't the mother she was delighted. How long had she thought children were off the table? How long had it never been an option? At least not with her current situation.  

[NymiiNym]

Chronos couldn't pinpoint what that feeling was, but it burned. His eyes lingered on Natalie, watching her expression knead and soften until it found its true form -- love. He had seen that look before, many times, and yet seeing it torn from him and placed onto someone else... well, honestly? It ******** sucked.

All of this sucked.

He wasn't stupid, nor did she ever claim he was. He remembered his promise, remembered the day she cried at his feet and revealed her truest feelings, overcome with pent up emotion and a secret she couldn't hold anymore. It had been during a day much like this; stormy and dark. He found the most important things happened right after a storm, and so it only felt fitting. He remembered, and while he had caught her feelings withering from eagerness and apprehension and into a blackened hurt he hadn't returned to that conversation. For the longest time, he didn't have a reason why -- it wasn't that he didn't like her, no, for he did; utterly and completely. It was the word, and how it made him feel at the end of the day.

Love.

Love -- an exchange where one could crush the other under their heel whenever they saw fit. Chronos never thought Natalie would do so intentionally, but that didn't mean he didn't think she could. He was not his brother, Tamaki, who had infinite topics to raise and often kept other's eyes on him wherever he went. He was Chronos, someone who spoke harshly and without refrain. Someone who liked long walks, alone. Someone who would bore his partner to tears or, inadvertently, hurt them.

He was not someone worth the love Natalie could give.

So he had never addressed it again, holding onto the friendship he found grounding in a world with little comfort. A choice he thought he knew the repercussions of, and yet-

"I see."

And yet it angered him. His choices infuriated him, the BCR from a random nobody pissed him off, and that look of complete serenity directed to someone not him bruised his heart. He wanted to scream and shout, kicking at the BCR and perhaps even her if it meant he'd feel better. It wouldn't, though, and he liked to think he was a better man than that.

"So that's it, then?"

Maybe he wasn't.

Natalie snapped her head to look at him, her head cocked to the side, strands of hair falling over her cheeks. His throat tightened, heart aching as he felt the rage build. "And what of the father?"

"Nebiros?" Natalie questioned and Chronos grit his teeth. Nebiros -- she even said it cutely. "He said to have them meet when the BCR hatches, why?"

Why? Why? Why? Why why why why why --
Why did this have to happen?

Was wasn't it him? His BCR? How many nights had he slept in the den with her on the other side? Just like Nebiros and her had, apparently. She left and slept over once with someone else and suddenly there was that -- a little baby -- when he had for literal years shared a den with her? What would have happened if it was his? What would have become of them then?

"Chronos?"

Her voice held a tension he knew he deserved. He knew he had taken her for granted, and yet he bitterly resented the BCR she had brought home. It was proof she could move on -- she had a story that didn't need to align with his, and this was a chapter he had no part in.

He hated it.

"Is this to get back at me?" He spat, regretting it the second it left his mouth. His ears lifted, eyes widening and mouth sputtering as Natalie's face fell, her features twisting and contorting into something he had never seen before from her -- disgust. Chronos swallowed, stepping forward frantically. "Wait I didn't mean th-"

"Are you stupid?"  

[NymiiNym]

Any other time she'd enjoy that look he sent her -- one of twisted confusion and a hint of anger at the edges. Any other time was not this one; it bore heavy in her heart as she stumbled to find the words to follow her poorly articulated fury. Get back at him? For what? Lying to her? Promising he'd revisit a conversation he never again even skirted around, leaving her to chase his heels for years? She wasn't innocent in the matter, either -- she knew that. She had choices and she continued to stick by his side, but still, she had done so imagining he had forgotten. Imagining there was a proper reason for his silence.

Clearly, he had remembered.
This entire ******** time.

Her back bristled, teeth-gritting as she examined him. "And what reason would I have to get back at you, Chronos?"

"I didn't mean an-"
"But you did!"

Natalie spat the words out, hot and visceral as she lashed her tail to cover her BCR -- her child. She could pick them up and leave without a further word, leave him with his petty words and stupid face -- so stupid, deities, why had she stuck around for that? Fury, rage, animosity, it washed over her in waves, rattling her bones as she squinted back tears.

"You think I meant to do this to hurt you? I had a whole child, an entirely new life just to piss you off? Like my world is that centered around you, Chronos? I can't control what the deities decide, one, and two -- no. I wouldn't stoop that ******** low, Chronos." Each iteration of his name was spat, a low hiss seeping through her teeth. She had enough of his s**t -- enough of the eggshells between the two of them. "I waited here this entire time for you. I shared the same den, ate the same meals, hunted for you when you were sick -- I've never done anything to make you think I'd be so vindictive. After all this time that is what you think of me?"

Deities, she hated his face -- hated how he looked at her with guilt and hurt. What right did he have? Hot fury ladened through her blood, burning at her skin as she felt her eyes p***k. She hated him; hated him so much she couldn't care less if he walked away right then and there. She hated him. She hated him.

No.
No -- she didn't.

She didn't. She loved him. Loved him even now, when his words struck her like a hot iron, leaving her with nothing else but hurt. She loved him, but she wouldn't let him walk over her, squashing her feelings just because he might be hurt.

"I didn't do this to hurt you," she relented, a soft and tortured sound escaping her lungs. "It was honestly a surprise -- I don't know why the deities chose us, but they did, and I don't regret it. They're here now, and I.... want to be a mom. I've always wanted to be a mother, even if I'm alone."

And she was alone at the end of this. The father had wanted nothing to do with the child (he didn't even fully believe it was his) and Chronos was.... well....

Emotionally unavailable.

She peered at him under her hair, cheeks hot and flush as tears fell, throat hitching as she rubbed fuitly at her eyes. "I just want a family, and if you hate me for it that's fine. But I've never felt anything for you but love this whole time."  

[NymiiNym]

Chronos watched her as she unfurled before him, tears streaking her face in an abhorrent display of what he had done to her -- how he had hurt her. Hurt them. He wanted to move forward, wanted to touch her face, and rub away her tears. He had always dreamed of being the man he wanted to be, imagining himself able to step up to the image she so lovingly cast for him.

He never could. Never could, for as enthused by the life he was he always was a step behind. Always unable to find the right words or choose the correct choice. He always trailed behind, either scrambling to amount to the efforts and stories of his parents or the confidence of his siblings. He wasn’t good enough -- he wasn’t sure when it began. After the birth of his children, when he realized he had to amount to so much more if he wanted to give them the best? Or was it when he met Natalie, faced with the realization he needed to be someone worth that love she poured at his feet?

When had he become so swallowed by the world?

So he stood there, watching her weep, feeling the gravity of the world pull him down in his spot. Normally. he’d stay there, observing the damage he had caused and only dreaming of how to make it stop. Today wasn’t like the others. Today wasn’t normal. Today was different, because….

Because he found himself walking up to her. Found himself leaning down to the much smaller woman, cheek brushing against her wet stained face. She shuddered against him, breath hitching and cracking as he nosed at her tears, a soft and pained whine escaping him.

“I’m sorry.”

He meant it for now, of course, but also for all the other times. The moments he knew he had hurt her. The times she scurried away to rub at tears because he was indifferent or cold. He meant it even more now, as once again she proved she loved him more than he ever could fathom.

And he had hurt her as a reward.

“I’m sorry, Natalie,” he breathed, pulling away to brush the hair from her eyes. “For everything -- for all of this. For being a jerk. I’m so sorry, Nat. Please, I--” No. No. He didn’t need to beg her to forgive him -- he didn’t deserve her forgiveness. He swallowed the words, sighing low and heavy.

“I wasn’t trying to guilt you,” Natalie began, looking up at him with wet and tired eyes, brushing at her eyes. Chronos huffed, nosing against her cheek.

“I know,” he murmured, glancing down at the BCR. Natalie’s BCR. “Just, listen, okay?” He waited until a soft sound of acknowledgment rumbled from Natalie, shifting to observe her clearly.

“I love you,” he croaked, three words he had fought for so long to keep hidden. Natalie widened her gaze, body straightening as she moved to watch him, confusion, anger, and surprise fighting a war on her face. “I always have, this entire time, I just- I- I… I was afraid. I didn’t want to ******** it up. I knew I would. I thought if I could keep my distance but still kept you close that it’d be enough -- that we could be happy that way. I love you, but all I did was hurt you. I didn’t help anything, I just…”

He trailed off, chest hardening as he felt unfamiliar warmth touch the corner of his eyes. Natalie shook her head, heaving a heavy sigh as she bit her bottom lip, nails kneading into the dirt.

“Natalie, I’m so so-”

Natalie groaned, pushing her forehead into his and effectively silencing him. Surprised, Chronos tried to pull back, a noise of exclamation catching in his throat.

“I get it.” Natalie barked, pressing harder into him. “I get it, just - if you love me and I love you then…. Can we just… be together?” She pulled back, looking hopefully into his eyes, cheeks flushed and glow erratic. Chronos stammered, head snapping back. Wait, what?

“Wait I- Natalie I don’t dese-”
“That’s for me to decide!”

Natalie silenced him with a short shout, her cheeks puffing out as another sigh left her. “You love me. I love you. I know I should be mad. I am mad, don’t get me wrong, but- now it’s out there. And we can go back to before or split up and be miserable or…. We can work on ourselves, together. Make this work, like it should have before. Maybe I’m stupid, but I just want this. I’ve always wanted this, Chronos. With you. If you can be honest and- and stop running away from me, then….”

The silence was long and palpable as the two stared at one another, the air tense and sparking with energy.

“Then it doesn’t matter. I don’t care - I don’t care, I just want us to give it a proper shot. A real shot. You’re home, Chronos - you’ve always been, and I just want to come home. To you. To us. What’s stopping us?”  

[NymiiNym]

What's stopping us?

Chronos could think of a million things -- years of Chronos being emotionally unavailable, Natalie deserving so much more, Chronos not deserving a second chance.... there was so much that ought to stop them. In a world where everyone did the rational and proper things, they'd walk away from one another. Hell, the fact Natalie hadn't slapped him or just packed her bags right then and there seemed... well, honestly? Like a fantasy. Yet there she was, nuzzling her forehead into his, hiccuping soft sobs that bordered on silence as he stood there -- like he often had.

Except for this time, he didn't feel as much self-hatred as usual.

He wanted this -- wanted to erase their hurt and past and begin a future together. Make it work, as it should have. He could, couldn't he? He had done the hard part. Had finally told her, and she had accepted it eagerly and without abandon. She was so earnest and wholely willing to give herself to him, to this. Could he do the same? Kiss the pain and bullshit away and give her a future she deserved? Not some other guy, but him?

Deities, he wanted it.
Maybe it was time to actually try.

"Okay."

He relented, caving in to the version of himself had had always wanted to be, if only for her. Natalie shifted, looking up at him with emerald eyes, tail flicking sharply behind her. "Okay?" she echoed, hope etched across her features, sharp and defined. He nodded, heart jumping in his chest, the nerves finally catching up to him. Still, he pressed forward, leaning down to nose against her cheek, sneaking a quick (and perhaps even awkward) kiss. Natalie hummed, pulling back to examine Chronos with a cocked head.

"So- you mean it?"
"Of course, dummy."

She huffed a laugh, forehead smashing against his and grinding into a nuzzle, a quick and loud giggle escaping her. Chronos felt home, melting against her as he brushed his forehead against hers in return, tail wagging behind him.

This could work. No, he'd make it work.

She pulled from him, mirth and delight abundant in her eyes, which flicked from him to the BCR. He followed her glances, brows furrowing as he examined the small ring. Her child. He cleared his throat, nodding towards the makeshift nest anxiously.

"Can I- can I help? I've had kids before, I could teach you a few things. I... not to assume anything, of course, just, if you nee-"
"Would you like to raise them with me?"

The question caught him off guard, his head snapping into a fervent nod before he could register his response. Yes, yes - he'd love that. Be a family with her and the child to come. Natalie smiled, dipping down to press against his chin.

"Then I guess we need to think of a name."

Chronos thought briefly, rumbling low sounds of contentment as she nuzzled against him. He had it, the perfect name.

"Yeah? What do you think of-"