My mom is a lutheran priest, my father is an organist. I grew up around the church. But as a child the church frustrated me. I felt it was reason to all evil around me really. As my mom is forced to live in a certain house that is attatched to her work - but we do not own, and instead the church council does. It was always the church this. Or the church that. Causing a lot of stress, arguements and frustrations. I couldn't understand my parents love for the church, and turned to science. I perhaps was not completely atheist ever, I was open to the idea of there being more than we can see. But, was against in a way it being the christian god.
When I was 13, I was to get comfimated. As you do in the lutheran church in Denmark. But, I did not want to. I may not believe, but I'd begun respecting religion. All my classmates couldn't wait to do it - but not to say yes to approve their relationship with god, instead to get the BIG party after with all the money and glory. It was not belief that drives them, but money. And I refused. I did not feel I believed in god, and so I told my parents I'd do the course (you have classes with the pastor for a little year before your comformation) but I would not go through with it with the final ritual. My parents of course asked: What about the party? And I simply said, I did not care. And so I did the course, and the day that my fellow students had their comformation, I sat in the church and watched with out having the ritual.

We began traveling, my family and I. Went to Rome, was cool, went to Crete and saw a bunch of monestarys, was cool too. Then, a few years ago we went to Switzerland. Something was already stiring in me, but I was not aware. One day we went to the top of a lonely mountain at the egde of the alps. The mountain, Ebenalp, was incredible. We trecked around on it, and part of the treck was walking on a thin legde (now with a railing so you don't fall) but on the side of the mountain with certain death right next to. And we got to some caves, near the top. And here hermit monks had build a church, into the side of the rock. I asked - why would anyone build a church here? And was told because the monks had to tend to a bell. At the top of the mountain, they rung i 3 times a day, to god. And I stood there. Turned around, looked down this cliff side, looked at the view. And just began wondering. What is so powerful, that people would live of nothing, at the top of a mountain, in danger everyday of faling or other, in snow, rain, cold, everything. All that to tend a bell. For prayer. And it was like, every expirence I'd had so far. The memories of the matyrs in Rome, what is that that is so powerful, people decide they want to die for it? Crete with the monestarys, what is that is so powerful, that people will spend their days painting icons, repeating the same motion over again and again. And I looked to the view from this mountain, the beauty of the world, the incredible world we live in. And it was like falling in love. And I knew it. I felt it.

I began asking my mother questions, we started talking about religion and god, and the meaning of it all. I began seeing the sun in a different light. The life giver. I've decided to read the Bible, I am done with the old testament, and a good way into the new. Working on it. I call my self a pilgrim, on a personal journy to figure out what I believe in. I still have my scientific understanding, and I often feel like I am inaducate because I can't just give in. I am very critical, and often question things. I suppose my belief for many would be seen as very loose. But that is where I find comfort in being a lutheran, for one of it's teachings summed up is: Your relationship between you and god, are yours and gods alone. No one can get inbetween it. So, no one can tell me what to do. But I can always get inspired. I pray. And I find comfort in knowing that because of Jesus sacrifice, I am loved as I am, and I am okay as I am, with all my flaws. I enjoy that knowlegde, but I can be in debate on how much I am able to give in to actually believing what the bible tells of Jesus as true. But that is my journy. I know one thing, and that is I feel the love. I use god to thank him for the world, to expirence the world in a new way, where I notice the glory of it.

I've found it hard to connect with other Christians, because when ever I try, I see that my way of believing is different. I've joined groups and been slandered for not believing enough, or not respecting the Bible. I've been called a sinner for being open to the fact I believe that no wether what cultural religion we have, in the end we alll believe in the same energy, that we call God. I just want us all to respect and love each other. All around the world. God is greater than our understanding, is greater than what we can comprehend. What we read and see, is our minds trying to make sense of the world, and like pilgrims, find our path that makes sense. We are limited. He is not.
So, I hope you are still happy to have me. And I look forward to chatting with you all.