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Though the stallion had tried to track down his older brother it had proven to be a pointless endeavor. There was not a single sign and Akeldama knew after an hour of hunting that he’d find no clues. Many emotions tugged at the once cocky warrior who had so easily shed blood. So easily killed without a single care. Raced into battle without whatever this feeling was. It bubbled up and consumed every fibre of his being.
Then it came crashing down over his head. A cold icy spike stabbing within his chest..head whipping towards where he knew his beloved called home. No. It had been many long years but as he started galloping through the forest Akeldama finally recognized the feeling..the emotions attached. It made him feel like a foal again. Fear.
Heart hammering he paused near Conall’s territory, anxiously pacing. Checking the perimeter for any signs of his sibling or anything else dangerous. No harm could come to the one he adored. Not a single hair on his head should be out of place.
Jezebel his forever faithful wolf had managed to get home unscathed, she stood protectively rigid next to the miniature stallion. Fur on end, sharp canines on display whenever a branch cracked or a bird chirped nearby. Good. All the old fear left Akeldama on a razor's edge; he did not reveal himself. Instead he started patrolling constantly..being even more stealthy than he had been in the past. Not even dear Jezebel caught sight or scent of him.
As long as they were safe.
Then maybe the fear would dissipate.
It left Akel breathless when night fell and a new wash of the alien feeling fell over his mind..it left him struggling to find sleep. Conall wasn’t there beside him..Cinnamon & Jezebel weren’t heaped on top of the stallions..it was heartbreakingly cold. Still he fought to sleep. No harm must come to them and if that meant Akel had to stay away forever then he would! Eventually in the wee hours of morning he drifted to sleep…nightmares fueled by his fear left him struggling. Old fears came back to light. Fear of being alone forever, fear of death..and worst of all was the constant scene of him finding Conall dead. That one was bad enough that it made his eyes fly open..a soft gasp escaping his too dry mouth. “No..no please. He’s okay. I can protect them..”

Jerking in surprise Akel wanted to fall back into very old bad habits..but he couldn’t do that to the sweet creature. He adored Cinnamon “Ah you’re very clever dear Cinnamon..I’m just protecting you all for a bit. I met a very bad stallion who knows where your daddy is.” What went unsaid was the fear prickling down his spine even now..even with the first wee early morning rays of sunlight starting to brighten the land. “You should go back. I need to go patrol again and your Daddy will be very worried if he can’t find you.” Voice soft he gave Cinnamon a strained smile..ears pinning back when he heard a tree branch crack. Again came the feeling. He decided then and there that he abhorred fear or being fearful. It was a never ending nightmare. It ruined the stallions strong image and all his training that had been so viciously beaten into him as a foal vanished. “Let me walk you closer.”

Taking a deep breath Akel started moving towards the others resting place, cautiously approaching..relieved when he saw Jezebel still snoring away. “I missed you too. It’s just not safe, besides you can have your own special mission. How about you my brave Cinnamon make sure sissy and daddy stay safe? You could guard them for me.” Trying to convince her wouldn’t be an easy task but he still had to try. Especially when a louder crack sounded in the forest. That icy feeling crept over him again. No no no! There was little time to get away..to protect them. Tail thrashing Akeldama moved more swiftly towards Conall. Desperate to see him. To make sure they were safe; if only to crush the fear.

Spying the best spot for them to stop Akeldama very carefully crept nearer. It made him feel just as creepy as it had before..but he couldn’t fight off the very real feelings if dread. It had to be done. “Sorry sweetie. That’s my girl..take good care of them on your secret mission.” Just squashing down these feelings wouldn’t work for much longer. Being oh so careful he lowered his head to let Cinnamon down at a safer height. He waited with continued patience..trying to calm the racing of his heart. A bird called out in the distance. More branches snapped. His brother could be lurking anywhere! Still he tried to appear strong. Unbroken as he shooed Cinnamon back to safety, nervously shuffling his feet. Now he had to flee before the adorable familiar awakened Jezebel or gods forbid Conall.

Snorting loudly to fight off a sneeze at the sudden grab at his face Akel gave the little one a critical look. Talking this close may hurt her. Potentially tricking her might free him but Conall and Jezebel would end him. Wrestling internally Akel gave a little nudge to Cinnamon’s stomach in an almost tickling motion. Voice eventually coming as softly as he could manage “Fine. Let me go first..” His heart was racing..waiting for the right moment to flee. Like a coward. Was that what this fear was doing to him? Had his brother been right? Was he weak now because of his love for Jezebel, Cinnamon and most of all Conall? A look of pain flashed over his face. Running away would be the best option. The best way to protect them. So he waited oh so patiently for Cinnamon to be distracted or to move away enough.

How much could he be surprised in one day? Apparently the number was astronomical. Clearing his throat to hide the rising panic Akel fought for a proper answer. A rustling nearby showed a very upset Jezebel..who did not speak to him. The only sound she made was to gently call for Cinnamon. Ears flicking back to hide amongst his mane the former warrior stayed bent over. “I. Y-yes of course I was going to say good morning..I-i just.” The phantom grip of fear made him feel sick now; sick and so so weak. “It’s dangerous.” He knew that weak reply would get him torn to bits by his feisty little love..just as he’d been unable to escape Cinnamon’s tiny clutches. Head hanging further his voice came, even softer than before. “I’m…afraid..”

Mind spinning Akel shamelessly leaned into the touch, nosing his way into Conall’s mane. Breathing in the scent of home. It was something he would die to protect. “He found us. Found you…h-he knows where we live.” Realizing his breathing had become ragged the strong stallion fought to not crumble. A few traitorous tears leaked free. “M-my brother. I thought he had died in one of the last battles..he’s alive.” The words felt heavy. A crackling tree branch had him whipping his head up..eyes panicked & wide. “Not safe. He’ll hurt you..I c-can’t lose someone again.” He would rather lay down and die than lose the one he loved again. Akeldama might be a battle scarred ex warrior but in that moment he felt like a foal..legs trembling and heart constricted with emotion. “C-can’t. I c-can’t lose you my love.”

Wheezing softly for a moment Akel straightened to look all around them. Worriedly glancing to where the other members of their little family were waiting. A humorless chuckle left the still shaken stallion..tail thrashing minutely. “He is. He was worse than me..more vicious. He likes to play games….toy with his prey. He saw us.” His brother would not hesitate to hurt Conall or one of the girls. “You should take them away..somewhere safer. Maybe.” He could tell he was working himself back up. Panting Akel bent back to press against the smaller stallion..whining oh so softly. “I’ve never felt this way. Not since I was a foal but father beat it out of me..trained us till we felt nothing.”