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 Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2023 11:23 am
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 tab Location : Home | Company : Mostly Atlas | Mood : A little anxious | Residence : 1513 Lumiere Housing District | Profile : Here
Occupation : Soleil Librarian | Status : Single | OOC : --
He got up extra early this morning to follow his usual routine. Wash his face, brush his teeth, fix his hair since it is usually a mess from him going to bed after he showered the night prior. He wasn't very hungry, but he made himself breakfast anyways so he didn't break his routine. After that, he walked over to the mice in the cage on his counter, and took a few out so he could carry them outside and put them into the sanctuary for Atlas. Does he feel bad about placing them in their death trap? He feels he should, but he really doesn't. It is just how nature goes, and his bird friend needs to eat. Before he went inside, he watched them scurry away and tried to hide in brush while Atlas attempted to fly before he walked over to him from his favorite perch. His wing has been showing great signs of healing, but it isn't all there just yet. "Good morning, Atlas." He stroked the bird's feathers and checked on his wing again before making sure his eye didn't have any signs of infections or that Atlas isn't clawing at it. When he was satisfied to see the bird doing well, he rubbed under his beak before putting him back on his perch and going inside where the bird is bound to join him after his meal. It had taken a little time for him to get used to the doggy like door connected to the perch so he could come and go inside as he pleased, but he is getting there slowly.
It was then that he had received a call from Castielle and stayed on speaker with him as he worked to clear away the boxes of broken furniture, dish wear and appliances in the corner of his living room that he had crushed or snapped by accident. When that was done, he started straightening the house intensely. As if it isn't already spotless 99% of the time when there isn't bits of broken furniture. Castielle made a point to tell him several times that he was fussing too much with the appearance of the house, and pressed him on why he was acting so suspicious. He debated for awhile on whether or not he wanted to share with his brother that he was having someone over for the day. Castielle could either berate him, or tease him depending on the day, so he found himself a little hesitant. Luckily he didn't have to answer because Masumi was interjecting in the call and telling Cas not to be nosy. It was nice...to hear his voice and not feel like he had shards of glass lodged in his throat. "How is Atlas doing? I am glad you are taking up bird training again, you always looked like it made you happy." He wasn't sure what to say to that at first, because all the good memories from before always feel foreign to him. Like a faraway dream which turned into a nightmare so easily. But even despite his uneasiness, he was pleased to notice that he hadn't tensed up when he responded to Masumi, telling him how he missed it and how well Atlas is adjusting to everything. They get to chatting for awhile, Marcellus even joining in to excitedly tell Avi about his new job and how living with Masumi has been going.
It takes him a minute after he ends the call with them to get back into his work. He had to sit down to rub away the feeling in his chest because it had been an intense wave of relief crashing down on him all at once. It felt good. It felt right. It has been hard to feel that way after so long of feeling like he was better off dead. He cried a little in his relief, and he spent more time admiring the bird when Atlas joined him on the couch with his little sounds and his talons clicking against the ground as he walks over. Eventually he calmed down and let the sound of Atlas' heart console him.
When he was done with that, he had put Atlas on his shoulder and finished doing his obsessive cleaning routine....3 hours earlier than the time that Saeyoung was coming over. At least he spends that time working on Atlas' rehabilitation with his wing and his eye before he put together some refreshments for his guest.
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Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2023 2:27 pm
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 ❛ Saeyong Joon ❜
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Anneyong! I’m 준 새용 || I'm feeling like there are bubbles inside me || I'm speaking to Avi || Where am I? Octavius' house || What am I wearing? My attempt at presentable
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"Fifteen o-six...six.." he mumbled quietly to himself until he finally stopped outside the house, looking down from his phone back up to the numbers to confirm their existence. It took a moment for him to still process and come to terms with the fact that the other had invited him over to his house. Despite his occasional kindness, he assumed that Octavius often wanted nothing to do with him, but here he was, double checking the address and the existence of the message with it to begin with now that he was here.
Saeyong might have even been more enthusiastic than usual upon receiving the invite. He had woken from his slumber at least an hour early than usual and didn't engage in anything that would disrupt his sleep the previous night. He bathed, brushed his teeth and picked an outfit that would be touching upon the formal nature the man chose to dress in, in his own way trying to put an effort into making his presence more tolerable for the other. His behavior, that he couldn't guarantee about.
The man didn't hold back on his attempt to be a good guest either. It was the first time in a long time someone had invited him to their home without the requirements to partake in their fantasies and unconsciously even, it made him feel rather pleasant that he could visit someone like that. He brought with him a bag of nuts, some fruit, a bag of chips and a box of pastries. He was going to get a bottle of wine and maybe some soda, but he wasn't sure if the man liked to drink so he left it at the snacks and a bird toy for the bird he mentioned he was taking care of. He wasn't very specific with the latter, he just saw some at the pet isle and took one that could be alright before he headed to the man's house.
What was this odd feeling in his belly? He was certain he didn't eat anything bad before he left and he didn't feel sick enough to throw up. He shook his head to brush it off and rang the doorbell, waiting patiently to be let in so he could also get rid of the weight on his shoulder from all the things he was carrying. "It's me." he'd say into the doorbell, stepping back and making his way inside once he would be let in. "I got you..things." he'd say, waiting by the door as he awkwardly wondered if he should keep his shoes on or just step inside, almost waiting on instructions at this point as he held out the bag of items for him.
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O.O.C.
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2023 10:43 am
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tab Location : Home | Company : Atlas and Saeyong | Mood : A little anxious | Residence : 1513 Lumiere Housing District | Profile : Here
Occupation : Soleil Librarian | Status : Single | Outfit: : Black short-sleeve turtle neck and some gray slacks | OOC : Atlas
He could already sense the man before he rang the door. But he waited at the door for him to ring it, knowing it might be weird or startling for him to open it before Saeyong was ready to announce himself. Looking to Atlas on his shoulder, he gives the bird's head another gentle rub with his finger. "Play nice, Atlas. This is our first guest." Not that he really planned to invite many people over. It was a nice idea to have. That he might reach a point of growth where he is comfortable enough to let people into his home and his space. It was good to start small with the guest he opens his door to and lets inside. The bird doesn't immediately react to Sae, so he takes that as a good sign as he shuts the door and locks it out of habit behind him. He probably doesn't need to lock it in this neighborhood, but he is far used to living in the house with people who are always in the eye of the prying public. Locking the door so you don't get a random stranger inviting themselves in became a habit everyone in his home practiced.
He accepts the bag, holding it to his chest with a thank you. "You look nice. And um, thank you for coming by." Was he skeptical about his invitation being accepted and taken seriously? Just a little bit. But the man had expressed an interest in seeing his bird friend so...he kind of worked off of that. The bird himself curiously sticks his head into the bad and shifts around and Avi gives Saeyong another once over. It wasn't an expected style on him, but it looked nice and matched Avi's usual casual clothes a bit. One who knows Avi though, would notice that his home clothes are pretty different from his usual because they aren't all long-sleeved. When Atlas emerges from the back, he has the toy clutched in his beak and makes the sound he usually does when he's caught prey. "Oh, good job Atlas." He adjusts the bag to put it on his wrist so he can open the packaging and hand the toy over to the hawk. After he is sure he has it, he looks to Saeyong. "Thank you, he seems to like it. Also, sorry, introductions. Saeyong, this is Atlas, the rescue bird I mentioned."
He moves closer so the man can see the bird as he gets distracted with the toy, and after a minute he rests his hand on the small of Saeyong's back so he can lead him away from the foyer. "Do you want anything to drink or to eat before we go outside?" He figured that he could use Atlas an entertainment point since he never turns on the TV his brother made him buy for when he comes over. "I figure we can start with showing you around where he stays and then we can move back inside when it gets cooler to watch a movie."
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2023 4:39 pm
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❛ Saeyong Joon ❜
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Anneyong! I’m 준 새용 || I'm feeling like there are bubbles inside me || I'm speaking to Avi || Where am I? Octavius' house || What am I wearing? My attempt at presentable
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Saeyong stood, for not too long actually, waiting until he noticed the other open the door and his eyes quickly darted from the man to his bird, then back when he noticed something new for him - his sleeves weren't covering him like they usually did. Now, if he wasn't feeling as odd as he was, he would have already reached out and touched his skin, but he was planning to behave for the time being. He'd look over his shoulder when he heard the door lock, "Oh, am I not allowed to escape?" he'd tease, mostly playfully just as his usual consideration of banter, looking back at him as he developed a mild fascination towards the bird.
The thank you, he could expect, but the complement made him raise a brow. "This?" he asked, almost dismissing his attempt as just nothing but then he looked down from himself back up to him, "I tried to match your style for a change." he'd admit before reaching out but kept from touching him as he pointed to his arm, "You barely ever wear shorter sleeves- from what I've seen." he'd admit.
The monetary distraction with the bird did draw his attention back to it, his eyes fixed on it as he seemed to be amused enough to want to reach for it. But the sharp talons and the beak did remind him of its possible distant cousins that lurked around the waters where he'd call home, making him think otherwise for now. At least it seemed to like the toy he got it. "Wouldn't expect anything less." he'd say quickly, before he looked back at the other then at him, "Atlas sounds like a nice name." he'd add, letting his thoughts get the best of him and he reaches over as carefully as possible and tries to touch the bird lest he was told against it.
The man's hand on his back brought him back for the moment as he shook his head a little, "Oh, I'm alright." he'd say to the suggestion of eating or drinking, "I did bring you some sweets, so maybe you'd like to put them in the fridge before we do." he'd say, moving his hands behind himself as he finally took his eyes off of the bird and the man and started to look around. A quick whistle escaped his lips as he cast a quick look from the hallway up to the other, "I can see why you dress fancy." he would say, hinting to his wealthy status showing through his dressing. He'd nod to his suggestion none the less and starts to warm up to this new feeling within him as he moves his arm out and looks back at him, "Are we going to hold hands for this?" he'd ask rather playfully.
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O.O.C.
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2023 10:15 am
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tab Location : Home | Company : Atlas and Saeyong | Mood : Slowly relaxing | Thoughts : "Those clothes really suit him..." | Residence : 1513 Lumiere Housing District | Profile : Here
Occupation : Soleil Librarian | Status : Single | Outfit: : Black short-sleeve turtle neck and some gray slacks | OOC : Atlas
He looks a little sheepish at the comment as he looks back at the door. "Sorry, force of habit. Security was drilled into us growing up since we were the kids of a politician." Funny how his father's security detail casually ignored everything that the man was doing to his kids. But that is how the world he lived in before was. Money paid for silence and destroyed moral codes most people try to practice. "I won't imprison you. I do have a job and responsibilities. You seem like you would be a handful for a kidnapped person." He could see the man making strange demands of the people who were supposed to have kidnapped him. "You could probably get them to return you." He doesn't often joke or tease, but it is something he has been trying to work on more and more. Make everything less of a serious life and death ordeal. Besides, he doesn't have to worry as much with his current company. He's already proven he can't die from Avi's touch, and he already knows that the feathers give a shield for him to touch Atlas. The bird only ever touches his shoulder which is always covered and his hand, which is always fitted with gloves.
He lifts a bare arm up when it is pointed out, looking at the skin for a moment before he's shrugging like it isn't a big deal. "I don't have to worry when I am home. Usually I don't wear shirts, or I will just wear something without sleeves. Besides, you don't die from my touch, so a long-sleeved shirt wasn't deemed as necessary." When he is home, he is usually less guarded and more relaxed. Perhaps because this is his place and things are on his own terms, he is still relaxed even when Saeyong is here. "I have a lot of baggage and things to work through. It made sense to name him after the Titan who carried a heavy burden like the heavens." He also thought of it after a random guy named after the Titan who created fire came to the library once with hair like said fire. It made him think about how Atlas will fit into his life and how he will have to change in order to care for the bird. For an emotional support bird, he has a lot on his plate with Avi.
After the bird gives Avi a tap with his toy to pull him out of his head, he focuses back onto what the man said as he lifts the bag to look inside again. "I see. Then the kitchen first would be best." He only gives a hum at first to the comment of his dressing, but he's never really linked the two together personally. He didn't dress fancy for status. He dressed that way because it was beaten into him not to dress in anything less. He dressed this way because it is the only clothes he became used to, and therefore built a dependency on them. They are a security blanket he might have to eventually kick. "Perhaps...on our next meeting, we can go shopping so you can help me find something more casual. So I can blend in better." Because he is aware of how much he tends to stick out on his hair and eye color alone. Icy colors tend to get attention from people who aren't used to seeing them. He wonders sometimes if Saeyong gets the same with his light features.
He's pulled out of his thoughts again by Sae himself this time, and mulls over his question as he looks down at the offered hand. Saeyong is probably only kidding, as his tone suggests, but Avi takes it anyways because it is just easier for him to lead the man towards the kitchen in the large home anyways. Will he explain that to him? No. Not really. "At least wait to touch my skin until after we get back inside later." Not that he was expecting Saeyong to do it right now. He just wants to warn him to be careful of his skin for now with them being so close since he has Atlas on his shoulder and the bird might panic.
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2023 9:59 am
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❛ Saeyong Joon ❜
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Anneyong! I’m 준 새용 || I'm feeling like there are bubbles inside me || I'm speaking to Avi and Atlas || Where am I? Octavius' house || What am I wearing? My attempt at presentable
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Saeyong quickly shook his head, while it was fun to tease him, habits like this kept people safe so there was no shame in it. He was also taught to be careful so he knew where it was coming from, but honestly he wouldn't mind facing an intruder for his own twisted reasons. "I can imagine." he'd say, "It's not a bad habit though." he'd add. He did cross his arms from him denying to want to imprison him, his lips might have pronounced a frown but his eyes didn't translate much. "Aw, and here I thought this was finally where our bond would grow deeper." he'd say, even adding a little non verbal intonation to emphasize on it. "Now why would I want that if they keep me fed and entertained?" he'd state, playfully even as he'd take on the man's joke. It was new and he didn't mind it, he actually might have liked it considering it was a rare occurrence.
From everything the man said, all he got was that he wouldn't mind accidentally brushing against him, which made him even more determined to step closer and possibly abuse the idea of it. He tried to be discreet about it and rolled his sleeves up above his elbows, but there was only as far as it would get up his arm. He did nod a little, "It suits you, you could wear it outside too.", he'd say, "I'm sure not a lot of people will up and touch you." he'd add, shrugging a little. "Seems fitting." he says quietly, looking up from him to the bird and reached over to try and touch it, mostly satisfied by poking it on its side. "Does it have burdens too? Besides the wing." he'd ask, looking back at him.
Seeing him looking at the bag, the man looked from him back to the hawk then at him and nodded. "I suppose so." he'd say and cross his arms behind himself as he watched him, waiting for him to start leading them there. He did raise a brow at the words he'd say, after last time he didn't quite expect him to want to change something he was comfortable in but he didn't want to dismiss the thought of it completely. "Well, you shouldn't have to blend in but feel comfortable, like you said last time. But, if you want a puffer jacket like mine, I'm more than glad to go with you and get you one." he said, not completely ruling out the idea of it, while still having a little bit of fun poking at him.
Seeing him take his hand, he gave it an instinctive little squeeze. He did find it odd that he didn't tell him off this time, or argue with him before just taking his hand. he almost looked at him suspiciously now for a moment, "Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, "That bird seems to have made you...nicer." he'd say, quickly correcting himself and saying, "Atlas, has made you nicer." he said, keeping his hand firmly in place none the less since he didn't want him to get defensive and pull away. While he did understand the intention behind him wanting to hold off any touching, he was going to try and keep his intrusive thoughts at bay.
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O.O.C.
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Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2023 1:01 am
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tab Location : Home | Company : Atlas and Saeyong | Mood : A little embarrassed and shy | Thoughts : "Why does this feel so embarrassing?" | Residence : 1513 Lumiere Housing District | Profile : Here
Occupation : Soleil Librarian | Status : Single | Outfit: : Black short-sleeve turtle neck and some gray slacks | OOC : Atlas
He frowns initially, not getting that the man was joking about the imprisonment thing. He lived in a prison within his head, so he gets the desire to never meet such a place again. As he opens his mouth though, he realizes that Sae is only teasing and might huff just a little bit to cover up the chuckle bubbling up. "Considering that I invited you here, it has already reached a point I never expected. You never know, I may not let you leave so easily when we are done." He figures that Sae will get the somewhat suggestive joke, and that his own joke would imply that the man would enjoy staying just to torment a person for entertainment. He DID pick on Avi a bit on their first meeting. "You can't help how others perceive you. If they find you to be too taxing to kidnap, there can be nothing done." Imagining Sae tied up in some corner talking off a masked man's ear until he pulls out his hair in misery almost made him chuckle. Almost.
There wasn't a need to really roll up his sleeves to touch the bird. He clocked what the man was doing immediately, but he didn't tense up or react to. Sometimes he is just curious as to what the man will do. "They may not intentionally, but I have killed people from accidental brushes on a busy street." He finally tenses up, but just as a reflex as he recalls the day that he did that. "It isn't just about comfort for me. It is about the safety of others." Because though he may be cold at times, he isn't actually cold-hearted. He still carries remorse and guilt in his life. Adding to his list would only make him feel like his father was right. He's only good for one thing. Death.
After Sae pokes the bird, Atlas gives no reaction aside from tilting his head just so in confusion. At least he didn't immediately react and pluck out the man's eyes or something else terribly gruesome. He's not sure anyone would buy the bit of Saeyong getting his eyes clawed out for barely touching the hawk. Then again...it IS Saeyong.... "He has trouble with his depth perception and hunting due to his eye. It may not seem like much, but he's blind in one eye. The previous owner...tried to blind him. It is what they used to do to birds of prey in the older times instead of using the head piece eye covers they make today." On cue, the bird sways a little as he tries to clean a wing, looking like he might fall over just from nearly misplacing the foot on his blind side. After righting him so he doesn't fall, Avi gives him gentle pets along his back.
"I think...that within reason, I could be comfortable in something like this. It isn't that I don't like them, I wear casual clothes this way all the time." It is probably him being hopeful for a change. Believing that he could walk amongst people one day without the fear he's always lived with. "Anything but looking like a marshmallow. That coat was ridiculous, but it would be even more so on me. It suits your figure more."
The next comment causes him to pause again, earning a look of confusion on the bird before Atlas does a jerky flap off his shoulder to land on the bar which will lead him to his outside perch. "I am okay." He watches Atlas until he is pushing through the bird door leading outside before he puts the bag of goodies on the counter and faces Saeyong. "I am always like this when I am comfortable. The bird has nothing to do with that." He sighs, using his freehand to push his fingers through his hair. Because he still doesn’t release the man's hand even despite them stopping by the door which leads them to the backyard sanctuary. "I was a lot more carefree once. I don't enjoy being so jaded. I just...try to be careful. Despite our less than pleasing introductions...I have...enjoyed your company. Even if you tease and pester me." If anything, that only relaxes him more when he thinks about it. It reminds him of the times he would do that with his loved ones. "I know I still have a lot of practicing to do in order to be a person again. I've lived as a monster for so long that sometimes it just seems easier to keep a distance from those around me. I know I will be unreasonable and harsh at times, but it doesn't mean that I value relationships any less. I just...need some time to adjust I suppose."
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Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2023 10:25 am
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❛ Saeyong Joon ❜
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Anneyong! I’m 준 새용 || I'm feeling like there are bubbles inside me || I'm speaking to Avi and Atlas || Where am I? Octavius' house || What am I wearing? My attempt at presentable
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Saeyong's brow shot up upon hearing him scoff, almost asking himself if that was truly what it was or was he actually trying to hide his laughter. He brushed it aside as he'd listen to him speak and felt his eyebrows raise, seeming to entertain the possibility of it but knowing Octavius, he didn't mean it in a suggestive way -right? "When we are done?" he'd say almost instantly, "Are you trying to tease me with a good time again?" he'd say and cross his arms across his chest to prove his disappointment that he knew it was just a joke. Saeyong seemed to purse his lips in actual thoughts as the man commented on his personality that could prove hard for him to even be kidnapped, "There goes my chance at Stockholm's." he'd say with an exaggerated sigh, proving that he was truly not right in the head to think being kidnapped was a good thing.
While he was trying to be discreet about his skin accidentally brushing into his, he did notice the man take a note of it. "Can it be that intense?" he'd ask, truly curious since he believed himself to have a high pain tolerance enough to dismiss it as something minor like a little bump of sorts though seeing as he tensed up, he decided to keep his accidental brushes on hold for now. "What about when it gets too hot? There might be times where you have to think about yourself?" As selfish as that sounded, he couldn't imagine himself thinking of another person when his own comfort was compromised. Then again, he wasn't as remorseful as the other, so maybe there was a hint of understanding now where he understood why he did the things he did.
Saeyong looks amused by the bird's reaction, he wanted to do it again and so he did but kept his actions timed while he closely observed the bird's reaction. If it did turn violent though, he'd accept his fate without much of a fight. He kept his gaze on the bird as the man explained what happened to him, the missing eye making him tilt his head lightly as he tried to see it better then back to the man, "I don't understand, why take away its eye?" he'd ask curiously, watching as he seemed to have a clear disadvantage without it and exhaled at how inhumane people could be. It wasn't exactly a surprise, but it still it never felt right.
"I think they look good on you," he'd say, holding back from giving his opinion that he should just forget about injuring other people and wear what his heart desires. That was more of a Saeyong thing to do, not Octavius. He didn't want to rule out the possibility of him feeling comfortable either ways, so he nodded at the thought but shook his head when the other ridiculed his coat. "It was pretty good, you should admit. It is a great cushion for a nap or even a crash." he'd say, rather proudly. "A physical barrier even, if needed." he said, trying to seem more and more convincing each time. "You cant deny what you haven't tried." he'd finish finally, wagging his finger as he emphasized his point.
Saeyong looked at him intensely as he spoke, narrowing his gaze lightly to illicit suspicion before he'd nod, not seeming fully convinced. "So, all this time you weren't comfortable?" he'd ask, making a quiet hum in thought, but then decides to let it go before it pushed the other away. Mostly because he was enjoying the new attention. "I knew you'd come around." he'd say almost proudly. "I'm not very good at being a person myself, but for all I know, you're doing good." he'd say, reaching over with his free hand to stroke his arm, brushing along his skin unintentionally this time but he doesn't let it linger for too long, simply so he didn't upset the other.
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O.O.C.
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Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2023 7:36 am
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tab Location : Home | Company : Saeyong | Mood : Curious and power pent up | Thoughts : "Will touching him make me addicted?" | Residence : 1513 Lumiere Housing District | Profile : Here
Occupation : Soleil Librarian | Status : Single | Outfit: : Black short-sleeve turtle neck and some gray slacks | OOC : Atlas
The chuckle he lets off surprises even himself. he stops abruptly and frowns like it was foreign for him to actually smile and enjoy a joke. He's not used to a laugh or sound coming from him that is more genuine and less sarcastic or dark. And that only draws him into feeling flustered because he shouldn't be startled by the sound of his own laugh. "You never know. I tried to cage my ex-fiancé and then my brothers. I might try to do the same to you." He wasn't serious about it, as he couldn't imagine Saeyong actually letting anyone tie him down and keep him locked away. Though he jokes about it, he's always given the impression that he is free-spirited and will go along with whatever flow he wishes. Avi kind of envies that freedom. he may have escaped his chains his father put on him, but he's still locked away at all times by himself.
"It usually depends on the person. If they have a weak constitution it acts faster for them than someone more durable." He shrugs, not really sure what else to say to it. That is as far as he really knows of what his ability does. He just knows there is intense pain, and then death for most if he isn't careful. He has to know when to pull away. Yet Saeyong is a little different since he can withstand it. Avi's eyes flick to his exposed arm, fingers twitching at his side. While it can be a little uncomfortable for him, it has a different feeling to have the buzz of it through his body as he feeds the pain into someone. While it can sometimes knock back and hit him in return, more often it just felt...good almost. Like a release of a a rubber band pulled tight. Just utter relief of a pressure always built up against his skin.
"My mother said that they always did it to control the moments a trainer and their bird interact so that the bird recognizes the what role the trainer plays for them in positive and neutral moments. It minimizes negative stimuli that can distract them as well. She's never practiced that and always used the hood when I was a kid." He never talks about her, only sees her in all of his nightmares ever. Good memories of her are always overshadowed by the moment he felt her arm leave his hand as he released her, which inevitably allowed her to fall back to her death. He held her life in his hands, and he let her go because he was causing her to cry in pain. Its been a long time since he's thought about the smile she would give as she run her fingers through the feathers of her beloved falcon. Of the way she would softly instruct him on how to touch the birds and praise him when he managed to feed one without shaking in fear of it pecking him with it's massive beak. "She taught me what I know about caring for birds of prey and how to build a foundation of trust with them."
He grimaces at the idea of him wearing on of those coats and shakes his head. "I would feel too ridiculous to be comfortable in that thing." It just wouldn't work for someone like him. While it made Saeyong a plush and cuddlable person while he wore it, it would make Avi look more miserable than huggable and fashionable. Maybe he just doesn't understand this day and age with their fashion trends.
He doesn't outwardly react to Saeyong's brief touch, but he does take a gloved hand to run it along one of the man's arms as he shrugged. "I hardly know a time where I am comfortable completely. I always feel the power pressing against my skin, waiting for an outlet to expunge it." Because he's been the one mostly answering questions about himself with the man, he turns the table on him with his next question as he walks Saeyong closer to his counter and bites off a glove."Answer my question honestly and I may give you a free dose. Small but enough until I can give you better one when we are done outside." He's speaking quietly between them, keeping his voice soft even thought they aren't in the library this time and he's not somewhere public. He brushes the man's skin again, intentionally keeping the power at bay as best as he can while his barehand slides up Saeyong's arm. "Do you seek out pain because you enjoy the thrill of being closer to death, or is it because you have a hard time feeling things? I've noticed a small disconnect with you and certain moral areas."
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Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2023 12:13 pm
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❛ Saeyong Joon ❜
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Anneyong! I’m 준 새용 || I'm feeling awestruck, curious || I'm speaking to Avi || Where am I? Octavius' house || What am I wearing? My attempt at presentable
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Saeyong watches amused as he chuckled, even stepping closer to see if the sound truly came from him and judging by how he reacted to himself, it was certain it came from him. "You sound nice." he says without missing a beat, clearly taken a back but in a good way, leaning closer so he could firmly nod and prove to him he wasn't pulling his leg. He did straighten up from the statement that followed though, mostly surprised from what he admitted. "I wouldn't have expected that." he'd admit, before quickly bringing back the subtle humor of the situation that kept it from being too serious, "I'll tell you though, it has been found that tanks work best for me, but I do require much space and I do prefer beds, so maybe we could alternate." he'd suggest, hinting to some of his own dark past through the twisted humor that was going about. While he did admit that he didn't take Avi as one to hold onto his victims, he did recall how hard it was for him to move past his ex fiancé, if he wasn't as good as he was, would it have gone to that point with him too?
Saeyong immediately moved his arm to try and flex his bicep, that clearly looked like it needed some work to be more defined than what was there. "I told you I'm durable." he'd say, proud he was for sure of his ability to be as indestructible as he was, but he couldn't really control it himself so he never really thought about it as much as he did recently - since he met Octavius. "Because of the different effects on people, you worry you'll end someone's life? he asks in confirmation, pretty-much concluding to himself as he nods.
"That sounds toxic." he says, crossing his arms across his chest in thought, "Not your mother, what some of the others do." he said, slowly exhaling as he had a moment of epiphany where he could see what some of the people did in the past to him and some of the others like him. While it was more emotional than physical, there was still some form of manipulation which the man convinced himself at this point that he used to his own advantage. He did change his train of thought to return to the man as he continued talking about the birds and his mother. He did recall him mentioning his father before, but not in a good light, so he assumed he didn't like him at all, but his mother was a new one - at least from what he could retain. "She sounds like a nice woman." he'd say honestly, but certainly not sure what else he could say on the matter or even ponder about her. "Does she still care for them?" he ended up asking.
Saeyong drew his lips into a straight line as he seemed to have given up on the idea of trying to convince him otherwise with regards to the jacket so instead he just crossed his arms across his chest and exhaled, "You just seem to hate it without experiencing its goodness." he'd say in its defense, still thinking that the other, despite his bigger built, could look quite plush and comfortable with it.
Saeyong glanced down at the man's hand touching his arm. He was expecting, something that wasn't this honestly. Maybe him pushing him away or just telling him off for touching him, it wasn't there though. He was surprised, but not repulsed by this new side of him, if anything, he was curious to where his new limitations lied. "That must be unpleasant." he admits truthfully, "Is there no other way to expunge it?" he asks, curious more than ever, since he barely ever knew anyone with this ability. He didn't know anyone in his years of living.
Saeyong did watch him coming close though, raising a brow as curiosity was getting the best of him as his face hinted something to it. His eyes immediately darted to his skin when he offered to let him have a taste, but then back to his eyes as he wondered what the catch was - there always was one to such an exchange anyways right? Answers, the catch was honest answers. But, it depended on the questions if he wanted to be honest. Not that he wasn't. Lying wasn't always his most strong suite as honesty came more naturally to him - most of the time. "Well, what are your questions?" he asked, trying not to sound desperate for his touch but also hushing his voice to keep as quiet as the other. He watched the other's hand touch him and barely do anything as close to what he did to him at the library. Was he disappointed? He couldn't be too sure, but he still watched until the man's words broke him from his thoughts. "Closer to death?" he repeated, almost instantly shaking his head. "I can't feel things most of the times." he admits, moving his own hand to delicately brush over the man's exposed hand, almost as though he'd break it if he put any more pressure, "Physical pain is comprehendible for this broken mind." he adds, looking back at him, "I feel like I'm not very broken after all." he adds, unsure what to say about his disconnect with the moral areas so he avoids talking about it.
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O.O.C.
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Posted: Sun Apr 09, 2023 5:03 pm
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tab Location : Home | Company : Saeyong | Mood : Nervous and anxious, but still comfortable | Thoughts : "I can talk about her and still be okay." | Residence : 1513 Lumiere Housing District | Profile : Here
Occupation : Soleil Librarian | Status : Single | Outfit: : Black short-sleeve turtle neck and some gray slacks | OOC : Atlas
He's not an easily flustered person, but after the comment from his chuckle, he does feel like his ears get a little warm, and little shy afterwards. Someone seeing him treat his own laugh as something foreign kind of feels pathetic in a way. It just feels like it means that he isn't used to good things and is always miserable. "Sometimes good intentions can get warped into something vile when you have someone in your mind scrambling up your thoughts. He made my protectiveness over my loved ones turn into something...dark and twisted." He wanted to monopolize Masumi so no one could ever touch him because he could feel him slipping from his fingers. He wanted to contain Castielle and Marcellus so they couldn't convince Masumi to leave him, and couldn't be hurt by their father or mother. If he had just imprisoned them all, they would be safe and where he wants them. That was what Rehan's manipulation did to him. Made him obsessed with controlling and containing everything important to him like they were animals not allowed to ever leave his side. If he just kept them safe, they wouldn't leave him like his mother did. Without the control over his mind, he has the ability to rationalize that caging people isn't protecting them, it is just toxic, and that isn't something he wants. "I feel like you wouldn't thrive as someone's pet. You would get bored of them and move on to your next form of entertainment." At least when he speaks on it this time, his tone is teasing and not serious.
"I don't worry it will happen, I KNOW it will happen. That is what it does. While you may be unaffected by it, other people have not been in the past." Some have dropped within seconds, others a little longer than a minute. It all depends on the person for how long it lasts. It also depends on the amount of it he releases. When Rehan had his mind, he had access to the part of the brain which allowed him complete control over the intensity of Avi's power. When he was controlled by his father, the man had the power always amped up so high that Avi always dealt with waves of insanity because it was too much of his power built up to his skin at all times. It made him want to rip from his body or touch the next person as soon as possible to ease the pain it caused him not to. It almost felt like he was always drugged. Always waiting to kill the next person so he could get that release of energy and feel even a moment of peace before the realization and terror kicked in. He'd start having a panic attack because Rehan had always released him from control after every kill so he could SEE what he did. He took joy in Avi's misery. He wishes sometimes that he had been blacked out each time so he never had to remember it. "I wasn't joking when I said I have killed people. I don't know these things because of theory. I know because I was used to test its limits on anyone who so much as looked at my father wrong."
He gives a shrug about the toxic comment knowing that he can't really comment or judge since it was literally what he was doing to his lover and his brothers. Doing everything in his power to make them stay. But he doesn't get too lost in that again, because he gives a full flinch at the comment of her "sounding like a nice woman", and if she still cares for them. Implying she is alive when he knows she isn't. She's dead because of him. He shuts his eyes, taking deep breathes until he can open them without feeling like he might have a panic attack. It wasn't his fault. He was just a child. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault. "She's dead. So no, she isn't still caring for them. She...became really was human, so she easily became ill." He fidgets a little with his fingers, almost moving to rotate his ring, just to remember that is isn't there anymore because he gave it to Saeyong to get rid of it. "She...I...she was the first that my father made me...she's gone. She was driven so mad by his manipulation and my pain inducement that she killed herself to escape us." He shuts his eyes again when he feels like he sees a flash of her face looking at him with pain and horror. "I guess it doesn't really matter. She was dying of dementia anyways. It was only a matter of time." But he didn't want to be the one to do it. Anyone who could end her suffering peacefully would have been better. "I just wish that...she had an ending better suited to her."
He shakes his head as he decides to forgo the conversation about jackets that are hideous on him. "Not that I am aware of. I've only ever been able to get rid of it by touching someone. When it builds up a lot, sometimes I get the knockback and it puts me into spasms of pain for days. I've just been doing that to get by since it tends to be awhile before that happens. Months and sometimes years can go by without anything happening as long as I am always managing it. If it amps up, I...go a little mad with it because it is almost paralyzing for me." Saeyong had been the first person since he's been mentally clear that Avi has touched. He doesn't like to think about the rush of relief it gives him to let go of it. He hates that it feels pleasant at all because it is what made him even more irrational when Rehan controlled him.
The hand he used to stroke Saeyong's arm stops, pausing as he hums in consideration of the man's answers. It doesn't seem like he is lying at all. So, he lifts it his other hand to bite off the glove to free both hands. When he sets that one down, he waits and looks to Saeyong as he keeps close to him. In a way, the man is helping him with his control. He's been able to focus the entire time on not sending the pain out when he touched his arm. He was able to focus on keeping it at bay, and now he will practice at keeping it minimal. "If you want it, where do you want me to do it? You can pick the spot." Saeyong can pick a joke spot as a gag all he wants and Avi will still do it. Despite him not really enjoying the conversation around his mother, he is in a fairly good mood today. Having Saeyong over to tease and joke with has been nice, and he feels like he would be okay humoring him if he picks something a little risky or ridiculous.
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2023 4:38 pm
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❛ Saeyong Joon ❜
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Anneyong! I’m 준 새용 || I'm feeling awestruck, curious || I'm speaking to Avi || Where am I? Octavius' house || What am I wearing? My attempt at presentable
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Saeyong observed his face as his ears turned flush, tilting his head a little as he was trying to figure out what would have caused the reaction he showed. Was it because of him pointing out the obvious? He wanted to reach out and touch, much like the many times he did when he noticed someone blush or look flustered, but he drew his hand back as quickly as it started to raise when he heard the other speak. "That doesn't sound very pleasant." he says, "He who made you do that seems like he has some interesting ideas. That coming from me should mean that something is wrong with him." he said truthfully, nodding to his own observations. He knew that he wasn't normal, he was reminded of it multiple times and when he could see someone or something resonating with some form of darkness or any association to his dark past, he could tell it wasn't a good thing. Hearing the man and the way his tone swings, he figured it wasn't serious, but it did make him think back upon it as he pursed his lips and made a little hum in thought. "Well, in my early days I did live as someone's pet for a while..." he trailed off as he spoke of the first man who took care of him, "But he did make the environment unlivable so I had to move." he'd add, a kind way to mask the abuse he was put through for staying, but he wasn't upset about it since he got his bit of revenge too.
"Huh..well, they should build endurance." he'd say, almost like it hasn't been established that the man's power was so intense it could kill someone but he didn't know any better solution to it. In his mind, Avi was clearly not at fault for having this power, he wasn't at fault if it brushed someone's arm and caused them harm or even death. But, he knew the man probably thought differently and listened to him none the less, making a quiet hum as he explained further and then back at him. For him, all he saw was this man, protecting everyone else from himself and maybe himself too from the guilt, but also causing himself discomfort from it all. "I still don't think you are to blame." he'd say, unsure of what he should say beyond that, maybe which was a good thing in his case.
The man watched his demeanor change sensing he might have struck something he shouldn't have. He wondered if he should be doing something at a time like this, but his inexperience and severed mind didn't help with this. He did hear him out, but the point where he spoke of her gone made him finally think of something and he stepped closer to wrap his arms around his frame, avoiding his skin the best he could and embraced him. He waited for any sign for him to make sure he was fine, or if he wanted him to let go, but being close to him like this and listening to him talk of his mother only made him think of his own. In a way, he related to the idea of feeling responsible for their inevitable demise, but this wasn't a time to bring her back. "She still sounds like a nice person." he says, "She would be happy seeing how you're taking care of..." he paused, ruining a possible moment as he briefly forgot the bird's name and looked away in thought. "Atlas." he said finally.
The man noticed that he refused to acknowledge the jacket anymore, but that didn't stop him from being determined to get him to try one when they'd go shopping. He did shift his focus on the man as he elaborated on his powers, looking from him, back to his exposed skin and thought hard over it as he tried to process what he said with regards to it. "How do you manage it?" he asks, "Do you need to touch someone to control it?" he asks curiously, reaching out to try and feel again, but stopped shortly yet again, recalling him telling him outside would be better. Oh well. At least he was trying to behave.
Saeyong felt his hand stop and glances back at his hand, still wondering why it didn't hurt yet. He was willing to answer some more questions if he had any, but he was also keen on getting a bit of a high right now. He couldn't stop watching every move the man made, curious more than anything as he found him stopping to ask him where he wanted it and his eyes darted from him to down between them. Saeyong was shameless enough to say it if he truly wanted to make him uncomfortable, heck he was tempted to and if he went for it...let's just say Octavius wouldn't be inviting him over anymore or attempt to see him for that matter. Besides being one of the things that made him feel alive, it was also something he enjoyed more than a thrill. He figured that wasn't where their relationship would blossom so he shrugged. "I suppose my chest." he'd say finally, "Or my arms if you don't want to get too invasive." he added, part of him wanting that familiarity of the touch last time - last few times where it sent his heart on a frenzy.
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O.O.C.
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2023 4:46 pm
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tab Location : Home | Company : Saeyong | Mood : Relieved but guilty | Thoughts : "I hate that letting it go feels pleasant." | Residence : 1513 Lumiere Housing District | Profile : Here
Occupation : Soleil Librarian | Status : Single | Outfit: : Black short-sleeve turtle neck and some gray slacks | OOC : Atlas
It was strange. Feeling like there was a wall they spoke through, while also feeling like they both have a shared trauma of people taking advantage of them and the things they can do. There are differences between them surely. Everyone handles their own trauma differently, and every situation is unique in some way. "I wondered sometimes if he was always that way, or if spending so much time in other people's minds warped his own eventually." Hard to say, but surely his father gave his kind mother a REASON to love him. She wasn't a fool by any means, so he couldn't see her falling in love with a man who was evil in every way. "I was his pet I suppose in some ways. A hound he sent out to do his deeds. Sometimes he would let me make it quick with my abilities. And when he could see I was happy with Masumi he...would make me do it slowly. Rip people apart so I would return to my own mind with their blood on my skin. Remind me of what I was whenever I would forget." His hatred of Masumi was always a bad taste in Avi's mouth. It would linger in his mind and warp his love for the man into something filthy and sickening. By the time he was free, he almost had hated Masumi. Resented that he had existed and gave Avi someone to care about. Made him feel so he couldn't let himself fall entirely under Rehan's control.
He lifts a hand to rub his forehead, hoping it can ease the ache in his head from remembering things he would rather forget. Part of him doesn't want to feel as liberated as he does by talking about it. "I am. He may have been in my head, but he got those thoughts from somewhere. Rehan can only plant things into your head by scrambling your thoughts and memories so you misread it and think it is your own thoughts. He can't pull something out of nothing, it has to be there." Avi had to of been an aggressive or angry person in some way for Rehan to ramp that up enough to make him a brutal killer. For now he will just ignore that all of his anger, aggression, and hatred for Rehan is exactly what the man needed and used to make the monster. He doesn't want a reason to let go of his guilt for the things he did. He still did them, he still remembers them.
The touch automatically had him tensing, until he remembered who his guest is and forced himself to relax again. "She was. A beautiful soul with a stunning voice. Sometimes I try to remember how she sounded when she sang. I've forgotten it by now." Finding anything with her voice on it is also kind of hard considering it was so long ago now and the world has moved on without her. All of her hard work was ripped apart in one day. Her name stained by her "tragedy" and used as a mental health campaign for his father. It looked good for him to be a grieving husband who lost his wife to a terrible disease that took her mind away.
"I have to think about it constantly." He leans in closer to the man, fingers moving to his hair briefly to just feel if his hair is as soft as it looks. "It has to be in the back of my mind constantly. A hymn in my head to remind me. I don't always have the energy to keep it at bay." Which is why the majority of the time he uses clothing to keep the connection broken. "It is easier if I don't touch anyone. Reduces distractions." So doing anything as a couple with Masumi had been pretty much nil for him. If he didn't focus as hard as he could with each brush of their skin, he would ultimately hurt or kill his lover. He returns his hand to Saeyong's arm again, focusing on keep his energy at bay as hard as he can while the tips of his fingers graze skin. "If I am...focused on other things...that makes it hard for me to remember to keep it in."
He doesn't seem to have any issues with the chosen spot, though the man's hesitation made him wonder what came to mind first. But he will be grateful for an easier spot to start with at least. He steps closer, using one hand to keep the man stable with his lower back as his other hand slides up his shirt to trail along his abdomen to his chest. "Tell me when it is too much." With that, he lets go of the pressure built up, letting it flow out through his skin and feed into the man's. Like a breaking dam, it takes him a moment to get it reigned in enough after rushing out all at once. It starts at an intensity which would kill anyone unlike Saeyong within seconds, before slowly flowing into a kind of pain one would get if they were stabbed or broke a bone. Something painful enough to get the job done, but minor enough that it shouldn't render Saeyong unable to walk by himself afterwards. Has to reign it in for himself as well so he doesn't get caught up in how much relief it gives him to let go of it. Perhaps one day he can figure out how to control it in a way which wouldn't have it always built up and ready to be let out. For now, he lets himself touch the man's chest with a firmer pressure instead of light brushes so he can get his breathing back under control as well.
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2023 4:53 pm
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❛ Saeyong Joon ❜
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Anneyong! I’m 준 새용 || I'm feeling wonderful~ || I'm speaking to Avi || Where am I? Octavius' house || What am I wearing? My attempt at presentable
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Saeyong would look back at the other as he spoke, the thought of his father. He gave it a moment's thought, but lacking any sentiment or understanding of emotions behind it made it harder for him to comprehend the changes that could have occurred. For Saeyong, it was hard to tell if someone bad or good, or malicious and such. He could tell if something felt wrong, he could tell when the intent was to harm him, but since most of his actions were a result of curiosity and general enjoyment or carnal desires, he failed to truly label someone as good or evil - even if he could categorize them based on what he knew. "I would assume." he'd say, indulging the man's thought for a moment, "A lot of something that brings momentary joy can cloud one's thinking." he'd say, much like intoxication. The man's words this time did weigh on him, he wouldn't want to consciously hurt the people he thought of as important enough to spend time with - him included. "It wasn't your fault, even if you'd think otherwise. I don't think he can get to you now either." he'd say, "You don't seem like the kind to be tied down anyways." he'd add, his silly attempt to maybe hear that laugh that startled the other not too long ago, or maybe just lighten his mood.
"Bad thoughts come in your head when you're angry." Saeyong says quickly, trying to remind him that it wasn't abnormal to have them. Even he knew that. But again, he wouldn't consider them bad himself. If one is trying to kill someone, he'd assume it was just to stop something they didn't enjoy or, accidentally pushing one's limits too far. While he did know some people enjoyed it..that was bad right? He looked up at the man as though examining his last thread of thought and shook his head to himself, he didn't seem like he could hurt a fly on his own accord. Bad didn't suit him. Bad wasn't him.
Saeyong felt him tense against him, looking up for a moment when he felt him relax. He took a deep breath himself, wondering why he even did, almost like he had absorbed the man's tenseness by being so close. "Do you have any recordings of her?" he'd ask, "There might be archives if she was famous." he'd add. If he did find out her name, he could pull in a favor but it wouldn't be easy since he was limited to South Korea. But, nothing was impossible if he'd try. While it wouldn't be the same as her smiling and specifically talking to him, it was still a chance to see her and if Saeyong could, he would want to see his own mother - her real face and not the one that tried to torment him every now and then.
Saeyong found himself freezing for a moment when he felt him touch his hair, tempted to look up but like he didn't want to startle an animal that finally decided to take a step closer, he remained still and took it. "It has always been light." he says, briefly interrupting the matter of his power to mention his hair, "So I never needed any harmful chemicals that could damage it." he'd say, "Except for when they made me change it to other colours." the smell was so unpleasant it burned his nose and made him visibly scrunch it, despite not treating it now. "I see." he says, now his attention back to the other when he spoke of his power, "We can try looking at things you can do to keep them at bay, like those superhero training montages, you might finally learn to subconsciously keep it at bay." he'd say, giving a tiny shrug. While it might have come off as a joke, he was pretty serious. He liked physical contact and often encouraged it, so he couldn't imagine keeping his hands to himself even with his power.
Saeyong watched as the man decided to indulge him, shuddering a little from the tingle when his hand ran up his chest. The tingle was briefly interrupted from his words as he simply nodded, though he was likely to keep his mouth shut even if it did go too much to handle. The man's brow knit briefly, even with his high pain tolerance, he could feel it even if he wouldn't act on it. Like a p***k of a needle, he could take it, but this was much more. It felt exciting, it made his skin warm and blood rush through his body to maybe treat the injury but there was none. It was just this pain that sent him feeling much lighter than he imagined. He took a deep breath and reached over to hold his arm, not to push him away but to keep him stable and against him. "Are you holding back?" he asked briefly, almost like it wasn't affecting him, but it was in more than one way. He could still stand and take it though.
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O.O.C.
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