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A sea of Green and White pours into the backlot, standing among the teenagers and hype men who are already chomping at the bit to see a true-blue MMA fight take place here tonight at Wrestlemania in the iconic Hollywood Backlot brawl. The drunk, rowdy fans of the Green and White are extra ornery as they still haven't gotten confirmation that Aaron Rodgers will be their starting QB, and to make things worse, a large contingent of San Francisco 49ers fans have also appeared to take in the spectacle, and they begin to taunt the Jets fans who only have a crappy Zach Wilson on their roster while the 49ers could get something viable out of even Mr. Irrelevant. As tensions start to rise we cut over to a local coffee shop in downtown LA, a few minutes away from the studio where this fight will soon take place.

Better Than You. sits at a table, slightly disheveled. He is dressed in a pair of jeans, a leather jacket, and a t-shirt that simply reads "Better Than You." He drank a little bit of his black coffee, looking off onto the endless Sunset Boulevard, and wondered to himself if he was even going to bother to show up at Wrestlemania tonight. He'd talked a mighty big game in front of Cartwright, and even put his career on the line -- perhaps in the moment it had been pride which overtook him. Regardless, he tossed the nearly empty coffee in the garbage and stepped outside, soaking in the sun for a moment before sticking his hands in his pockets and walking down the strip, heading towards the destination. He could hear the commotion from blocks away, and it was almost draining him, mentally and physically.

For years, he had been a heel, truly believing he was better than literally everyone in the business, and even dared to act upon it as if it were true. Where did it get him? Kicked out of Japan. Attacked by fans. On the doorstep of retirement. There wasn't a positive in Better Than You.'s mind at this point as he stopped outside a pharmacy, and got a good look at a bottle of Tylenol sitting in the front window. He thought about it. What if he just...took the pills, and went to sleep? The aching from the pain of a wrestling career would go away, he wouldn't have these worries as if someone would mug him at any moment, and best of all: he'd save everyone that damn paperwork. So, with a tear in his eye and a lump in his throat, a defeated Better Than You. would reach for the door, deciding this was gonna be it...but before he could, it swung open, causing him to stagger back and get at least a little bit of his edge back.



Better Than You.'s jaw dropped as he locked eyes with the man exiting the pharmacy -- Green Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers. BTY. took a few steps back, making way for the legend and future hall of famer, but not to be seen as anything more than just a regular everyday guy, Rodgers would discount double check on the Canadian to make sure he was alright.



Better Than You. scoffed under his breath as he realized he was talking to yet another fake fan, there was no way Aaron Rodgers actually cared about wrestling, or anything like that -- and as far as Better Than You. knew, he didnt even make the Wrestlemania poster, but DJ Killa Kyle sure did. Better Than You. would sigh, and nod at Aaron Rodgers but then try to walk around him and get into the pharmacy. Unfortunately, the Pat McAfee show product just wouldn't let him go.



Rodgers shoved a cup of Ayahuasca into BTY.'s face, and nearly forced him to start drinking right then and there. However, the Canadian ripped it from his hand and took a step back, trying his best not to take a swing at America's sweetheart. Rodgers would use his eyes to subtly push Better Than You. closer to the edge, until finally he knocked back the drink in a quick swig. He downed it all but not without looking as though he was gonna throw up. Rodgers would grab him by the arm and toss him into the backseat of his El Camino, leaping into the front seat and turning the car on quickly. He then floored it and started driving down the strip at 95 mph, nearly killing several people. The speed would cause BTY.'s body to absorb the Ayahuasca quicker, making him loopy as the world around him would move in slow motion despite how fast he was going. A-Rodg would look back at the wrestler going through a trip and smile, remembering his first time. He slapped the radio and music began to play as they approached the Hollywood Backlot.


The car would pull into the backlot and hit several sports fans, teenagers, and general fans as it slowed into a parked state, Aaron Rodgers standing up in the front seat and posing as the 49ers and Jets fans would lose their collective s**t, all hopping around the car and trying to get the attention of the man they hoped would be their next franchise QB for 365 days. He pointed into the backseat at the absolutely gooning BTY., and demanded the fans help him get to the cage where DJ Killa Kyle was waiting. They obliged, tossing aside all their hate for the worst wrestler in WWF:G and giving him a heroes carry to the cage as if we were watching that one Spider-Man movie or some s**t. Carefully Better Than You. was hoisted up to the opened door and tossed into the Octagon, slumping over into a heap as his head spun and the world continued to move oh so slowly.

One of the most iconic voices in combat sports made the announcement and it was indeed TIME for the match to get underway as Aaron Rodgers slammed on his horn, which sounded an awful lot like a bell being wrung for some reason. Better Than You. was drooling a bit as he sat up on his a**, looking around at the inside of the cage as the psychedelics took control of his virgin body, having never done anything harder than flintstones vitamins before in his life. He used the cage to very slowly get up, though it still felt like he was going seven BAJILLION miles per hour. As he stood, the only thing clear in his mind was the sight of DJ Killa Kyle, one that activates his neurons more so than any shot of south american drug juice ever could.

The Canadian staggered forward, struggling to keep his balance as he offered a lock up to the moronic social media sensation, though his stance was definitely disgusting looking quite frankly.

Better Than You. shook a bit as he stood in place, doing everything possible to keep himself grounder and prepared for DJ Killa Kyle's inevitable acceptance of his lock up. However, of course, that wouldn't be the plan for his opponent since this was just a hobby for him. His plan was to instead do what he always did: run and attack. The fans gasped as their new hero BTY. was ******** here, but it looked like EVERYONE underestimated the Canadian. BTY. would collapse to his right, leaving Kyle to do more damage to himself than anything else as all he got out of his attempt was stinging in his knee and a crash to the ground as his dropkick would completely miss due to the LIGHTNING FAST REFLEXES of BTY.

The fans began to rattle the cage, grasping it with their dumb-hands and shaking it like they were in some sort film...makes you wonder, as if this were Hollywood or something. BTY. would then throw up in a puddle in the corner where he fell, the cling noise of metal causing his stomach to turn inside out. We were witnessing a LITERAL mess here tonight at Wrestlemania.

All a part of the plan. Maybe. The vomit sprayed into the face of Better Than You., causing him to roll away from the scene of the disgusting crime. He was starting to see things a little clearer but was developing something of a headache, his body seemingly rejecting the attempts at the non-FDA recognized psychotic drug to enlighten him. Perhaps, after this match was over, he'd enter a darkness retreat for a few days and come out an all new man. It appeared as though DJ Killa Kyle was suffering a medical episode as his hands cradled an upset groin and his legs played the pain dance with pitter patters on the mat.

BTY. would slowly get to his feet, staggering against the cage but managing to keep his balance this time. It wasn't going to last though, as he would quickly turn against the cage and projectile vomit all over the gathered fans of DJ Killa Kyle, leaving them soaked in a disgusting mix of coffee, plants, and a single slice of pizza.

The sound of a thud wasn't just emanating from inside BTY.'s head, it was coming right from Kyle slamming his head against the cage wall! Better Than You.'s continued projectile vomiting had actually done him some good, with every second going by he was getting his wits back. He turned slowly to see DJ Killa Kyle praying he could get out and decided he would help...by running into the downed body of his opponent and baseball sliding him between the legs, trying to give enough force into the cage door to bust it open with Kyle's body!

Better Than You. rolled over on to his side after his kick connected, not getting up quickly because he once again needed to vomit all over the canvas, disgusting himself and the crowd once nearby once again. Aaron Rodgers would finally catch wind of what was happening, realizing that Better Than You. had thrown up all that precious psychedelia he'd given him earlier. He leaped out of his car and pushed through the mass of football fans, knocking into the crowd of teenagers that was holding up DJ Killa Kyle, presumably making a few of them lose their grip of the passive income maker. The Master of Cheese steps up through the opened door and grabs a hold of BTY., ignoring his awful smell and the fact that he TOTALLY got some vomit on his hands like EW GUYS, GROSS. THIS IS WHO YOU WANT AS YOUR QUARTERBACK? He couldn't lace Gorgeous Jimmy's cleats. Anyway, Rodgers would start screaming in the face of the Canadian about respect, being a team player, bogarting, all of that.

Better Than You. than vomited right in the face of the quarterback, who responded by throwing Better Than You. like a ******** football out of the cage door and onto the asphalt below where there was NO ONE there to catch him.

Better Than You. would struggle to stand as the roided out super-jock had his way with him, except...huh. Aaron Rodgers would help BTY. back to his feet slowly, dusting him off. "Sorry little buddy, that wasn't very cool. It's my bad, sometimes I can't help but wanna toss the pigskin around. Get back to the good fight pal." A-Rodg pat BTY. on the back and sent him forward, and all the Canadian could think was some of Ayahausca in his vomit entered the QB's mouth and he swallowed it, instantly feeling the effects of it. What luck for Better Than You. who was finally back to feeling mostly normal and was able to put his full attention into chasing down his opponent, pushing his way through the folks who were more so into the fact that Aaron Rodgers was now removing his shirt in a seductive way on the top of the steps to the cage.

BTY. would try to sneak up on Kyle with a fore arm to the back, hoping to plant his face in the window and inevitably wake up the sleeping MMA-ster.