James E
James E
Corny to you and meeeee
James E
Stephen P. New's his con sig lee air eeee
A Q&A podcast
With cohost Brian Last
Tell that guy take off his stupid ******** mask
James E
Corny to you and meeeee
James E
Stephen P. New's his con sig lee air eeee
A Q&A podcast
With cohost Brian Last
Tell that guy take off his stupid ******** mask
LAST: Gooooood morning friends, and you are our friends and welcome to this week's episode of the post Wrestlemania Experience, brought to you by me, the Great Brian Last and the eclectic booking extraordinaire, the leader of the Cult of Cornette, Mr. Sunshine himself, Jim Cornette! Well Jim, let's just jump into the most recent program from the WWFG, the biggest of the year, Wrestlemania. Take it away!
CORNETTE: And boy do we have a show to talk about Brian. A lot of this so called modern wrestling going on. We know a lot of the Cult is going to be down after our review and having to discuss this s**t, so Brian and I went to the vault and we'll be having a little palette cleanser on the Drive-Thru. It's been a while since we've had a watch along so Brian go ahead and tell the people, duh people Brian, what we'll be watching.
LAST: Weeeell Jim we have an old school style tag match to celebrate the return of some legendary tag team members that made their return. We're going to be watching Harli Drummond and Draze take on the, at the time World Handicap Champions, the Midnight Marauders for their first WWFG World Tag Team Championships. Now Jim, I always loved the World Handicap Champ gimmick the Marauders were pulling off at the time. It really put them over the top compared what everyone else was doing. It was sort of down in the territories and everyone wanted to be badass, these guys were zigging around the zags.
CORNETTE: Other than them taking the Midnight's name, they were good! One of the last true tag teams, and they showed that you can be a main event tag team right before this modern day where you don't even see tag teams anymore. Two legitimate singles stars that you could plug in on top of the card together against two top faces or by themselves going for the belt. It's like Mama Cornette used to say, "those are two pennies in your shoe, uncomfortable but will save your wrestling territory." I'm excited and I know the Cult's going to be looking forward to that after all the s**t we have to talk about so let's go ahead and get it over with. But before we start that Brian, we have a couple of updates for Cornette's Collectibles. Folks! If you ordered one of our Breast Cancer Corny figures, they should be getting shipped out domestically in the next week and internationally in week after that. If you ordered anything else, the Featherbottom Ultra Careful Handling System and Super Speedy Service System should have your packages to you by the time you hear this podcast. Brian what's going on in the Arcadian Vanguard/Wrestling News side of things?
LAST: Well Jim, it's a very exciting time for the Arcadian Vanguard Podcast network. Shut Up and Wrestle with Brian Solomon has a new guest on his upcoming episode as he'll be joined by the legendary Majin of X-Rated fame and I can tell you the man has no filter. That's going to be a good one. We also have Stick to Wrestling with John McAdams as they take a look at the Summer of 2012 and Tim Haynie as the WWFG booker. Exciting stuff and great conversation with John and his guest Barry Rose. Speaking of Barry Rose, Breaking Kayfabe with Bowdren and Barry releases. Touching on their top 10 international wrestlers in G-Fed, classic rock, Nuke Fusion vs. Matt Shanahan, and of course a game if Florida Man or Not. Last but not least, the Wrestling News! Mike Sempervive hosts with the latest news around wrestling. No bias, no opinion, just news. The Wrestling News on Arcadian Vanguard Network, start your morning off right with the Wrestling News on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
CORNETTE: Sorry if you start hearing some thundering background noise from outside. I have the Monroes taking down a tree out back, the insulation people are fixing up the furnace and using that new spray foam stuff so Jay Sharknado might have his work cut out for him this episode. It's about time he earns his pay.
LAST: Now hold on, Jay Sharknado does a wonderful job and earns every penny. You still have all this work going on? We've been squeezing these shows in between them coming, you couldn't have told me? Did you just say new spray foam stuff? How long has spray foam been around that you think it's new?
CORNETTE: WELL IT'S NEW TO ME! Look, the Monroes couldn't come at our scheduled time but I couldn't wait to get this tree off Brian. Have you ever seen a tree and the middle of it is looking back at you? It's an emergency, I had to get them to take it out of my yard before I had another fence to replace.
LAST: Hey so what did you think about the returns last night? Nuke Fusion, Hiro, Brantley Summers. A lot of big names huh?
CORNETTE: You can tell they're building up for the sale! Bringing back big names to get the people interested but it's what they do with them. Cartwright can't just hotshot these veterans if he wants to sustain the pop they got. I mean none of these guys are going to be more over after last night than they were going in, that's just the fact of returns like that, so he's gonna have to keep the people interested. I like the idea of it, but eeeeehhh, geez, it's impossible to say whether it's a good idea or not because we don't know how they're going to present these top stars. Especially not after seeing that shitshow in the open challenge.
LAST: Yeah let's talk about that! What waaaas that?? I don't think I've ever seen such overbooked nonsense in my over thirty years as a wrestling fan.
CORNETTE: Well s**t stain was involved with it, so that's a given. Looked like the worst bits of Dusty in a blanket of s**t stain's ideas. Why do they have to put the most over heel faction in the history of this company with a bunch of job guys and Russo now? Vaseline Man? Who was that skinny white guy with cornrows who ******** everything up and left. Wasn't be in another match outside the arena? Marks copying the Goldust/Piper Mania match, but at least they were marks copying something good for once. Who were all these run ins for? What was supposed to happen? I don't know if Hiro and Summers weren't on the same page or just weren't working together on the match. Brian who were the guys on commentary?
LAST: Failed fighter and comedian and Rhonda Rousey's ex-boyfriend and failed actor and comedian. No one of mention. No star power, I can't believe what they were thinking throwing those two idiots at the table. I got dumber listening to them as the match went on. Everything about this match was exhausting and it really affected the rest of the show after it. They took the crowd out of it and I'm not sure if the right guy won.
CORNETTE: That right-winged, slurring, mush mouthed dumbass was almost a part owner of Brousey Ranch?
LAST: Tracks doesn't it.
CORNETTE: Well I knew Rhonda was a big thumper, but I didn't think she was that absolutely stupid! She oughta have someone to talk to with the amount of money she makes, she might want to check BetterHelp!
LAST: Thaaaat's right Jim, BetterHelp would give Rhonda someone to talk to that was aligned with their personal needs and talk her through some of her regrettable dating history.
CORNETTE: And it's not just her and dating problems they'll help with! No you don't need to be a rich socialite to talk to the licensed therapists at BetterHelp, just rich!
LAST: Nooo don't say that! Don't say that! You DO NOT need to be rich to get help from BetterHelp! It's for anyone and everyone.
CORNETTE: Not with those prices! But we here at the Cult of Cornette CAN help you with those prices by putting our code "CORNY69" into the promo section when you're applying for a one time 69% off deal with BetterHelp. I know I'll be trying them out after the show to work through my problems after watching this WWFG Program. Ya see folks, I knew as soon as they blew the loaded glove spot on some indy bullshit Joey Ryan like d**k move, I was going to have a lot of issues to get off my chest. Then the finish is a Lawler Second Rope Fist Drop with someone else's blood on him. What even were the rules of the match? No DQ? Make the opponent bleed before you pin them? Outlaw mudshow LAAAAAAAAAAAZY BOOKING!
LAST: There actually was DQ, I think they were enforcing more when the replay booth was up.
CORNETTE: And what the ******** was that! Why does wrestling need replay? I know the fans have disgusting heat with the referees because they're so incompetent and shitty, but this just exacerbated all those issues out all over the place! The finish wouldn't have been as bad if it didn't get set up with all the ridiculous outlaw mudshow bar room bullshit before the pin. I could tell Paul was fuming, he used to help out in OVW and I know he knows what to do because he started stringing everything together as soon as that wannabe, scrawny, no tone cracker came out to try and save the match. They stole spots from other matches that night, I can't blame them they probably thought they were the blowoff, but it killed the rest of the matches! I will say they both Hiro and Summers can still go boy. The few bits of uninterrupted match was some of the best work we've seen in seven years of modern wrestling.
LAST: Did Hiro look a little skinny to you? Sickly even? I mean he's starting to get a little Gargano or Adam Cole vibe. I know everyone's super into him. He's over on Twitter, but I always thought be was more of a smark's wrestler, and not in the good way. My source's told me he's a bit of a pest backstage. Lots of talking about people to the office type of stuff. He had good size then though, now he's just a little small to me so it's a bit harder to look past.
CORNETTE: Well gawdamn Brian! He's coming back from career ending injuries and is next to Summers who came back as the second coming of Freebird Garvin. If UFC gets the sale, the USADA is going to ship him off to Guantanamo Bay! One thing I hope is now that Summers is back, they'll stop all that phony Midnight Marauder Mafia s**t or whatever they were doing.
LAST: International.
CORNETTE: What?
LAST: It's Midnight Marauder International. I have some sources around New York that tell me it's not a work. I'll tell you more off air but I think there's some Yakuza/PRIDE vibes from it. Apparently they say it's a perfectly respectable and registered LLC though so who knows. I did see them registered on the Secretary of State website, unlike Meltzer I do my research, but I can't get any hits on the name under the owner.
CORNETTE: Well I don't need that s**t on my wrestling show. Summers needs to drop the mark outlaw belt they gave him in the trash where it belongs and carry himself like a star in the main event. I say you put the real belt on him and have Nuke Fusion, Drako Damone, Hiro, whoever, have the chase against him. No one can keep the crowd behind the opponent in a loss like Summers. You saw it last night, bullshit finish, Summers goes over with a classic Memphis move, and Hiro comes out still looking like a challenger on top.
LAST: Where do you think Better Than You. goes from here?
CORNETTE: Better Than Who?