Each step he had taken away from the toxic environment that had been slowly suffocating him, he started to realise what had happened wasn’t his fault – the first of many, many chains, slipped away, and he was no longer burdened by the weight of guilt and grief at his mother’s death. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his burden to bear. He didn’t need to carry on and try to be mother and father to his younger siblings, while also bearing the shame and blame that his father couldn’t handle. That he had been determined to place on everyone else.
After he had travelled outside the sphere that had been his entire world, the next chain fell. He could go wherever he wanted. It was ok. He could leave the sheltered valley, and go to the desert, the sea, the swamp… anywhere he wanted. Everywhere he wanted. The choices were endless. He wasn’t bound to any one being, one place, one thing. He was free. He was finally free.
And since, he had wandered here and there. Wherever the wind blew and his hooves took him. Since he left, he had seen and done so many things. Things he never would have considered before he was finally able to forgive his mother for dying, his father for not being strong enough to cope,and more than anything, being able to forgive himself.
He had seen the soquili lands from the peaks of the tallest mountains, cold and oxygen deprived after a long and arduous journey, but one he had made with his own strength. It had left him in awe of the beauty of the world down below. Shaking with exhaustion, exhertion and pure adrenaline, he stood there triumphantly and took it all in. He wasn’t weak. Another chain fell.
He took the time to rest and recover at the base of the peaks. Lingering, looking for something…. Though what it was, he didn’t know. Just that there was something missing that he needed to find. When he felt stronger, it was time to move on. Ro had once mentioned her desire to see every different type of landscape she could, but the there were several that she didn’t get the opportunity to see. Perhaps he would start there… and one of those places – the desert - happened to be relatively nearby. He would just need to locate a good guide. Which was how he met Asherai, the young gryff who would show him some of the greatest beauties and deadliest of dangers. And who also helped him to open up, showed him how he could forgive and move on. Asherai showed him genuine kindness and friendship, and helped him more than he could ever know.
But Jae’s journey wasn’t over yet. Though steps had been made towards healing there was still a long way to go, and no one could take this journey with him. Asherai guided him safely out of the desert and sent him on his way. And so he travelled on, no real purpose or destination in mind.
And finally, finally he made it to a quiet stretch of beach, white sand, sheer cliffs, jagged rock formations and collapsing sandstone caves, and tidepools in sheltered spaces somewhere he might be eager to explore some day, but someday was not now…
The sky was overcast, a layer of steely grey that hinted at storms to come, without the threat or promise of rain. There was a that feeling in the air, electric. Even the sea birds had gone quiet. The waves crashed violently against the shore. A wonderful time to just be. The young stallion lifted his head, allowing the salty air wash over him. He took one deep breath in and then another. He had found his peace. At least here. At least now. If only there was some way for him to keep it with him always.
The sand shifted under his hooves as he paced up and down the beach. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and a chill breeze caressed his flanks and teased his mane and tail. The storm outside echoed that which had been raging in him for so long. As lightning flashed, and the sky let loose the downpour of rain, the last chain that had been weighing him down was gone. A moment of clarity came.
This journey, these experiences were all needed to help him grow. Help him learn to forgive. Help him to let go. And in this moment, he knew what he needed to do next.
It was time for him to return home.
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