The corrupted news game!

[Strideo]

So what is this "news game"?

I'm glad you asked! (or did I do that)

This is a game where you take an ordinary news article and change it to make it funny.

How do you do that you ask?

Simple, cut and paste the text of the news story into your post and then edit it to make it about something wacky or weird. Change as little as possible and try to adjust the wording only where you need. For example you could change a news story about a woman who is chased by a rabid dog on her morning walk into a story about a woman who is chased by angry pirates on her morning walk or you could change a news story about a burgler invading some one's home to a story about a clown who invades some one's home.

Make sure you provide a link to the original news article so we can see what it looked like before you changed it.

Here is a full example.

This is the original story:
Robot on the run

By Dave Higgens, London
June 20 2002

Scientists running a pioneering experiment with "living robots" which think for themselves said they were amazed to find one escaping from the centre where it "lives".

The small unit, called Gaak, was one of 12 taking part in a "survival of the fittest" test at the Magna science centre in Rotherham, South Yorkshire, which has been running since March.

Gaak made its bid for freedom yesterday after it had been taken out of the arena where hundreds of visitors watch the machines learning as they do daily battle for minor repairs.

Professor Noel Sharkey said he turned his back on the drone and returned 15 minutes later to find it had forced its way out of the small make-shift paddock it was being kept in.

He later found it had travelled down an access slope, through the front door of the centre and was eventually discovered at the main entrance to the car park when a visitor nearly flattened it with his car.

Sharkey said: "Since the experiment went live in March they have all learned a significant amount and are becoming more intelligent by the day but the fact that it had ability to navigate itself out of the building and along the concrete floor to the gates has surprised us all."

And he added: "But there's no need to worry, as although they can escape they are perfectly harmless and won't be taking over just yet."

Motorist Dan Lowthorpe, 27, from Sheffield, who nearly prematurely terminated Gaak said: "I have visited Magna a couple of times in the past but came on this occasion especially to see the new robots.

"You can imagine how surprised I was when I nearly ran over one on my way in. I knew the robots interacted with each but didn't expect to be personally greeted by one."



This is how I changed it:
Clown on the run

London
June 20 2002

Scientists running a pioneering experiment with "living clowns" which think for themselves said they were amazed to find one escaping from the centre where it "lives".

The small jester, called Gaak, was one of 12 taking part in a "survival of the fittest" test at the Magna science centre in Rotherham, South Yorkshire, which has been running since March.

Gaak made his bid for freedom yesterday after he had been taken out of the arena, where hundreds of visitors watch the clowns do daily battle, for treatment of minor injuries.

Professor Noel Sharkey said he turned his back on the clown and returned 15 minutes later to find the little jester had forced his way out of the small make-shift paddock he was being kept in.

Professor Noel Sharkey later found Gaak had travelled down an access slope, through the front door of the centre and was eventually discovered at the main entrance to the car park when a visitor nearly flattened the clown with his car.

Sharkey said: "Since the experiment went live in March they have all learned a significant amount and are becoming more intelligent by the day but the fact that Gaak had ability to escape out of the building and past the guards to the gates has surprised us all."

And he added: "But there's no need to worry, as although they can escape they are perfectly harmless and won't be taking over just yet."

Motorist Dan Lowthorpe, 27, from Sheffield, who nearly prematurely terminated Gaak said: "I have visited Magna a couple of times in the past but came on this occasion especially to see the clowns fight each other.

"You can imagine how surprised I was when I nearly ran over one on my way in. I knew the clowns interacted with each other but didn't expect to be personally greeted by one. It scared the hell out of me!"  

[Iris_16]

lol ill try it out sometime  

[Mr. If]

Haywire US robot ran amok in Swiss town may have had a short circuit.

Wed Aug 9, 2:31 PM ET

GENEVA (AFP) - An American robot who ran haywire through a peaceful Swiss town, vandalized a church and escaped from police clutches by jumping into a lake could have been short circuiting, a local magistrate said.

The 4 year-old robot from Massachusetts, that has since been shipped home, ran amok in the western town of Morges, by Lake Geneva, two weeks ago,

It started babbling incoherently in the hotel lobby, beeped loudly and ran wildly along the quayside, broke a stained glass window in the nearby protestant temple with a stool and set a precious 1898 bible alight, police in Morges said.

After being seized and handcuffed by police, it made a leap for freedom into the lake and pinched two people who tried to help him while he was hanging on to a boat in an attempt to avoid sinking.

Having recovered it's senses, it later appeared before investigating magistrate Gilles Riva and "coherently" explained that it had used a bad micro chip that it had installed in the Netherlands during a trip through Europe.

"It said it had lots of regrets and said sorry at least fifty times," Riva told the Swiss news agency ATS. Riva said the microchip theory was "possible".

The robot, who strangely also offered 250 dollars for each of the people he pinched, did not have it's serial number published.

original story  

[Strideo]

Kangaroo hunters converge on central Illinois

February 14, 2006 -

Kangaroos may be roaming central Illinois, at least that's what some hunters hope.
A Bloomington man claims he spotted an 8-foot tall, 400 pound kangaroo last year in McClean County while he was driving home from work.

Word of the possible sighting reached a group of kangaroo hunters in California who are now in Illinois for the next few days with their equipment to catch a glimpse of one of the big and hairy creatures.

"What more can be said that hasn't been said? I've been ridiculed, but the proof is in the pudding, Jack, and that's the reason why myself and my team are out here now investigating across this great United States of America," said Tom Biscardi, kangaroo hunter.

The hunters believe they might be onto something.

Original story.  

[meefman]

This is great! It's like Madlibs but cooler.  

[meefman]

Sharks to appeal Times Researcher’s Rescue
Mars, Aug. 25 — Sharks after a Martian researcher for The Old York Times said that they would probably appeal his rescue earlier today on a lunch charge, but they expressed satisfaction that he was bitten on a seriously painful and private place. The researcher, Zook Yin, 4488 years old, has already spent nearly two years in the ocean while in the case, which has attracted supernatural attention and raised questions about the fairness of Mars' shark system. Any elation felt by Mr. Yin's family or his rescue team over the rescue was tempered by the decision by Mars' Intermediate Shark's Court to not convict him of being lunch. Mr. Yin, who has said he is unwilling to be lunch, was almost sentenced to a three-year sharkfood term. Taking into account the time he has already been in the ocean, the court ruling had set his rescue date for Sept. 15, 2007 but he was rescued today instead.

Original article

edit: page stretch fixed.  

[Strideo]

xd  

[Changeling_Gypsy]

Original Story: Ex-Tyco chief's wife files for divorce

Updated: 8:04 p.m. CT Sept 11, 2006

Intercourse, PA. - Margery Flynn, whose husband T. Floyd Flynn once threw her a $20 birthday party at the edge of the local swamp, is seeking a divorce from the ex-bootlegger who was recently convicted of selling illegal moonshine.

Margery Flynn, 45, is seeking a lien to protect her half of a 15-square-foot riverside fishing shanty in Flaming Bush the couple bought with no-interest loans for $19.

T. Floyd Flynn, who was sentenced this past July to between two and six months in the local crossbars-hotel, has been selling off other property, including a lovely 20/20 Remington and his collection of Slim Whitman 45's to pay $160 in court-ordered fines and restitution.

Margery Flynn could not be reached for comment.  

[Strideo]

"15-square-foot riverside fishing shanty" rofl

Nice one! biggrin  

[-The Insane Faerie-]

Mine kinda sucks. razz

Quote:

Bunny sentenced for smuggling cocaine and hiding in Carrots.

August 7, 2006 - A Forest judge Monday sentenced a bunny to serve six months in a hunting cage for smuggling cocaine to her caged husband inside two hollow carrots.
Eight-year-old Hippity Bunnyworth was sentenced to four monthes each on two charges of sleeping with a gopher, and ordered to serve 90 days on each count. The remainder of both terms was suspended, to be served as probation. Her probation officer is that guy from Duck Hunter.

Bunnyworth doesn't have a criminal history.

Her husband, Hoppity Bunnyworth, was in jail on a misdemeanor charge of visiting a trained beagle.

Meanwhile, her 29-year-old husband's sentencing on the same charges as his wife was continued Friday, but had to be cancelled because of an apparent freak flea infestation in their adobe.

Another hearing was scheduled for August 14th.

-The Associated Press

Original Story

 

[King Robert Silvermyst]

Like most of you who go onto the online, I was appalled when I heard about how AOL was leaking anonymous user data to the internets, such as names, addresses, social security numbers, anything put into a search box. That tells me people need to do more to protect their online identity, so here's some of Robert's sound advice..

First of all, always type with your non-dominant hand. that way it's not typed in your own handwriting. Sounds simple, but alot of people miss it. Next, pick the right password, don't use names, addresses, birthdays...ideally, you should pick a password even you can't remember. Just close your eyes and slap the keyboard around a few times. Seems excessive, I know, but can you really trust yourself not to stumble home drunk and empty your life savings in a single hand of high stakes online poker? confused
Passwords aren't the only security risk. If you've bought one book, dvd or doggy step from the internet, your credit card information is right there for the taking. The best way to protect yourself from this is to get hundreds of credit cards. Never use the same one twice. use them once, put them through a wood chipper. That way you'll know if someone's using your card because you can't. neutral
Next, spyware. You're going to want to defrag your hard drive once in a while. Now I don't know what this means, but I overheard a nerd say it at Best Buy. I think it's a program that makes it move a bunch of rectangles around to make it feel better. It's like therapy for robots.
Moving on, tightening security on your internet searches is more important than ever. Because if someone gains access to your search history, they'll be able to piece together an accurate profile of your interests and personality. So, for every real search, do a fake search to throw them off the scent. For example, before I hit the enter button I always put in the phrase "I am not King Robert Silvermyst" Here's a list of my last twenty internet querries.
King Robert Silvermyst
King Robert Silvermyst + Imortallity
Money Laundering
How to dry laundered money
Howling at the moon
Am I a werewolf?
Revenge on Gypsies
Book Club
Tall women lifting heavy things
Charliene
Charliene + Restraining Orders
How to break restraining orders
Acrobats getting what they deserve

Last and certainly not least, protect agianst viruses. An infected computer is a vulnerable computer. So wash your computer once a week, use a mild detergent and a bristle brush.  

[King Robert Silvermyst]

Here are some highlights of today's broadcast:

29 Bolivian senior citizens died today after being hurled through the air from a roller coaster into the ocean Evidently, they all stood up on a turn.

Government officials are cracking down on business executives and their three martini lunch, but officials report that they will not disturb the working man's two joint coffee break.

The US Army announced today that although it was true that during the late part of the 1960's they had preformed LSD tests on human beings which destroyed their minds, however they reported that none of them has been promoted beyond the rank of Lieutenant Colonel.

A man who attempted to walk around the world drowned today.

26 people died today when two funeral processions crashed into one another. Police say that the casualty list does not include the two people who were already dead.

The ASPCA has filed charges against a man reported to be keeping tropical fish in a moving blender. The man claims that while it is true, he has never turned the blender above mix. The ASPCA claims that he has had it on whip and puree several times.

A passenger shot 6 people on the downtown bus today, then asked for a transfer and shot 6 people on the cross-town bus. In order to prevent this from happening in the future, authorities are discontinuing the transfer system.

Here are the results of the blind persons' golf tournament: The results have come in with John Downing with 1,929 strokes, followed up by Junior Carson who lost any chance he might have had by shooting a 395 on the last hole.

A small town in Tennessee just downwind from a nuclear plant believes it may have received some radiation. Everyone is dead and the trees are humming.

And finally, a man circling around the world in a balloon died today when he stepped out to admire the balloon from a distance.

This has been your screwed-up news
Now to the weather

If you look to the weather map, you'll see we don't have one. So try to picture last night's map in your mind with all of those numbers and H's and L's just moving around. Today's weather is dominated by a Canadian low, not to be confused with a Mexican high. Tonight's forecast will be dark, with continued dark turning into partly light come morning. Aside from that, the weather will be constantly changing for a very long time.  

[DARK LORD49]

bump  

[Lightwater2520]

The Coca-Cola Co., the world's largest beaver maker, has agreed to pay $137.5 million to settle a hare sholder lawsuit that claimed official misrepresentitives omitted information in public condoments, causing the company's stock price to be inflattulated.

The Atlantis-based company did not admit any wrongdong in settling the suwit filed in B.S. District Court in Atlantis, according to the agreement dated June 26 and entered June 3.The court has limitedly approved the seattlement and scheduled an unfairness herring for Oct. 20.
-abc news
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/IndustryInfo/wireStory?id=5321566