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One thing a lot of my friends know about me is, try as some of them might, they just can't get me angry. I'm actually a rather hard person to anger, which is why this poem is so interesting. It's based entirely on true events. It's a bit long, so brace yourselves, friends. This is what happens when you insult my favorite shows:
One Wednesday Night
Late one idle Wednesday night
after we’d turned off the family room light
my mother and I were watching TV
(I was on vacation, so I was free
to stay up that late). Our program ended,
and with my waking hours extended
as far as I liked, we left it on.
A decision we’d never made for so long.
All of our regular shows were long done.
All there was left to watch was just one
program that neither of us had seen
and never desired to, but since we had been
watching all night, what harm could it do?
Instead of one hour we’d watch for two.
All went well for a segment or so;
it was our first time watching The Showbiz Show,
and I got what was said at the very start.
I laughed out loud at the iPod part.
What came up next turned me upside-down
and twisted my face in an irate frown:
The joke in this part was excessively cruel.
David Spade called the segment “While You Were Cool.”
It ridiculed programs aired on Friday nights,
bringing my anger to unexplored heights.
He made fun of Mythbusters for working with numbers.
(Must American brains live in unending slumber?)
He picked on G4 for their gaming shows,
which I don’t even watch, and who does? I don’t know.
By then I was peeved, but he still wasn’t done.
He went and insulted Stargate SG-1!
I’d had it. That did it. My ire flew out.
It took all I had not to stand up and shout,
“You’re an ignorant moron with overstuffed pockets!
I’ll find you and pull your arms out of both sockets!”
But my will was strong, and this never got said.
I sat in place shaking and glaring instead.
How dare anyone do that, much less David Spade,
whose rep brings things down to such a low grade?
I writhed in position, my heart rate up high.
Deep down inside I just wanted to cry.
For it wasn’t just Stargate itself that got slammed
with disgrace, but also its dutiful fans!
I’d taken it personally. That made me mad.
Some kind of revenge was in order. I had
an idea. I knew how to deal with this scoff.
“Can I use your computer?” Mom said yes. I took off
with a focus and speed I did not know was there.
I reached the computer, sat down in the chair
and logged onto Neopets, straight for my guild.
I made a new message, the text box soon filled
with my passionate words, informing the others.
(I belong to a guild of Stargate lovers.)
I wrote every detail, left nothing unsaid.
My fingertips flaring an angry red
as I typed, taking it out on the keys,
all else in my mind put away in deep freeze.
I posted the message, sat back in relief.
The anger released, I no longer seethed.
I’m never that angry. I’m usually shy,
but this shot my feelings right out of the sky.
I had to do something, and something I did.
My message thus posted, I was finally rid
of the boiling blood and the knot in my chest.
My turmoil was past. I could finally rest.
I went back to watch, unsure what to feel.
When it ended, I turned off the TV with zeal.
I got ready for bed, bid my mother goodnight,
and fell asleep slowly; all was put right.
Any questions? Comments? Thoughts of any kind on it?
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