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i read this and have a whole long explanation to it, but i didnt want to post just half of it but i'll post when im done

i started and then we are leaving right now to go to the hospital to visit granpa

i'll come and finish later teal! biggrin

DON'T YOU THINK THAT NO ONE CARES AS MUCH AS TO TRY TO HELP YOU!!!!

I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU!!!!!

I will try to help in ANYWAY i possibly can!!! I think we both know what we can't do, like me making steia and all them move out, but if there is ANYTHING you think of that i could participate in to help, please tell me. Anytime. weather it be 4 in the morning or 6 at night....or anywhere in between there. 3nodding


So lets see...I can't say i know exactly how you feel but i do have a grasp on the idea that something is not right....

You may not know exactly how everyone else feels in your house, as feeling left out...or on the oppisite note, too much attention. They as well may be feeling the same thing you are, hurt, neglection, or any other emotion that is hurtful. I bet you don't gather them into the living room and sit them ALL down and read this entry to them. Because if you did I have a feeling more emotions will come out from other people as well. What I'm trying to say is that the people in your house may have some of the same feelings.


I know what you mean about the music. It kinda sucks to be sad, but sometimes when i am depressing music kinda seems like just the thing. I think for me, it brings it all out and maybe helps me realize what's exactly wrong. About the part with you becoming mean and cruel...i don't particually believe it, but then again i don't live with you. I would guess it's a way of expressing your emotions. Like we know some people who rebel against their parents by doing bad things, like somepeople we know. rolleyes i guess people just don't know what to do with their emotional-overlaods and it results into bad things. People just have to find positve ways to express those emotions, like venting or expressing them thru...music,art, or something else creative.

Money is a though thing to think about at our age. I often wonder how my parents handle it. Think about all the things that they do for us and all thethings they buy for us,weather we want it or not, like school supplies. But we all just have to be patient during the tough money times. We can't expect reagular treats and gifts just for nothing. I've gone through those times and you just have to realize this is what happens. This is the way it is and until we are older and can earn our own money, there is nothing much we can do. And the little we can do is not be a brat and whine about not getting that thing you wanted in the store.(trust me, been there, done that @_@)

I'm sorry that Steia isn't helping out with Tessa more. I wish i could help her realize that she got herself into two children, and she should be able to carry out with the job. It isn't something you can quit or get fired from; being a mom. Like i said, weather you like it or not.

And i am the youngest so i don't know what it's like to have someone hang aropund me all day. But when im over at your house and others house i can see how it is annoying, but hey those are siblins for you! xD

I don't think you deserve anything bad. No one does. We've all made mistakes and most of us wish and pray that we could take them back.



I hope i helped in any way possible and like i said before if there is anything i can do, let me do it!!! It can be anything from talking to you,answering your journal entries, um...help with babysitting (you know how i love those kids heart blaugh blaugh blaugh ) lol or ANYTHING!!!!!

seriously, Im here for you 24/7!!!

I"M YOUR GIANT EAGLE!!! biggrin

except i don't give your meds/drugs thru my pharmacy XD

i give LOVE! biggrin

okay, someone stop me before i get too cheesey xd biggrin 4laugh rofl pirate ninja dramallama dramallama cool lol wink sweatdrop 3nodding smile

TEAL!!!!!!!! BUDDY!!!!!!!!!!!! ill ALWAYS be here if you need anything. just call anytime!!!!!! my shoulder will always be dry and comfortable if you need to cry, i'll always be there for a hug and ill always be willing to listen and help you out whenever needed. yur going thru a lot right now. i understand how sometimes life can suck and be tough and throw curves at you. thankfully, i got thru those curves (mostly) unharmed. and (not trying to sound like a preacher), i had god and he helped a lot. my friends wouldnt have understood what i went thru and i think thats the point where yur at right now. its never happened to us, so we dont know EXACTLY how you feel, but we're trying. i'm trying. just know that i'll always be here for you buddy. whether it's raining, sunny, in the morning or in the middle of the night, i'll always be there to help you out if you want it.
i wish i had a car so i could lock you up, drive you out to the dessert and eat cookies with you. and itd just be us and our buddies and we'd have a blast without anyone from home to nag, to destroy, or to harm us. just our little band of happiness. i think you might need to get out of the house more, maybe that would help you feel better. i'll try to lend a helping hand in that. we can go to the library and check out the anime section, go eat ramen (and some more chocolate chip cookies), watch anime together, or even just walk down main street and go on. i'm glad that you dont mind tessa. i know with my own siblings who watch my every move, its hard. my sister practically copies meh (i hate science, she wont do her science hw... i watch my neighbor totoro and i find it in the dvd place the next day with her and her friend Mr. Popcorn.... my stuff constantly switches rooms and follows her around....) so i know that having someone hang on to you doesnt always help matters. sometimes you just want to shut the world out and cry in your corner, away from the world. just pleez dont harm yurself. there were moments when id have the razor in my hand, or the candles lit and my hand just ready to do harm... but i never did. so pleez dont EVER, EVER, EVER try something. it will never end the right way.
know that we all luv you. you cant choose yur family, or what happens to you in life, but you can choose yur buddies. and we'll be here for you. always. you've picked the best buncha buddies evah!!! we all luv you dearly. why? cause yur a true buddy yurself. you always cheer us up when we're down, you check in to make sure we're okay, yur always there to give a compliment when we need it and are full of hugs when we want them. so now we're gonna be here to cheer you up when yur down, check in to make sure yur okay, give you compliemtns when you need it, and we'll always have our arms out to give you hugs when you want them. we all luv you dearly teal!!!!
if you want sum school supplies fer tessa, we've got tons of extras we can give yeh guyz. believe meh- see our art supply drawer filled with magical goodies and wonders. itll be fun!!! just pm meh if you guyz need help. i dunno how our parents manage everything.... eek from the cooking to cleaning to paying the bills to tucking us in at bedtime, they do a lot fer us. and working so hard so that our cupboards are full, we can join as many clubs as we like, and getting us into a pretty good school... yeah. we gotsta love our parents. i think itd be hard living with that many people in a house. sometimes i think five is a little much, but... wow. thatd be tough. i admire you guyz fer being able to put up with that many a crowd. eek but youll get thru buddy. i just know you will!!!
if you evah just need to get out of the house, need a shoulder to cry on or ANYTHING, i want you to comment, pm, email, aim, call, do WHATEVAH YOU NEED TO to get ahold of meh and i'll stop what i'm doing, come over, lock you in mah car, and go to the dessert to eat cookies with you. and give you lotsa hugs. hang in there buddy- i know you can!!!! *hug*

I've always been afraid of being left alone, and it's becoming worse.

Teal, i want you to know that you are NEVER alone. NEVER. i am (and always will be) here for you for anything thats bothering you.

reading this makes me feel so sad, but i really dont want to bore you by telling you what i think you should do. in my opinion (which really doesnt matter that much) it's really up to you how you handle this. i would really like to help, but i must admit i'm not sure how. if you think of something i can do please tell me. i really want to be there for you. please help me do that.

OMG I JUST TYPED YOU AN AMAZING AND WONDERFUL PARAGRAPH BUT I ACIDENTALLY PRESSED A BUTTON AND IT ALL WENT AWAY!!! burning_eyes AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Teal!!! how could you ever think that nobody cares!!! You are an amazing person and u are surrounded by tons of people that are glad to be ur friend and love you (not that way)and are happy to bask in the glow of ur awesomeness!!!! You always cheer people up, whether it by making funny noises in study hall in the library or drawing cool pictures in anime club. you are a fiend at DDR and you are an amazing friend. How could you think that you are ever alone? No matter how frustrating or disappointing life gets i am completely positive that there are plenty of people who are always there for you and would do anything to help you. (well..anything thats not too weird like streaking through the school naked, but well, if it really would help you maybe even that).
I seems to me that you need a break. I know!! ill pack you in a suitcase and sneek u to Japan! We can eat ramen and pocky and read manga all day long!!! Well...as long as ur suitcase doesnt roll out of the plane and into the ocean like mine did the last time we puzzled together...i wonder if that was really an accident...
OR
You can eat a nutrigrain bar!! You'll feel GREAT!!!! (YEAH!! BABIES EVERYWHERE!!)
I can see where this is going...i really didnt want to do this... ive only had to do this once before...IF YOU DONT RECOGNIZE THE AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL AWESOME FANTASTIC COOL FUNNY SUPER SWEET PERSON THAT YOU ARE I WILL GIVE AN XBOX TO THE ALIENS (its a mind control device in their galaxy) AND THEY WILL RULE THE WORLD WITH IT!!! YOU DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN DO YOU!!!

But Teal, always remember that you are surrounded by people who care about and love you (again, not in that way...get ur mind out of the gutter). We will always be here for you no matter what. I know i may not understand exactly what ur going through, but know that i'd do anything to help you. You know how u said that ur afraid of being alone. Well, im afraid that i wont be able to help my friends when they need me, that they suffer and i cant do anything about it, that by the time i figure out how to help its too late. So teal know that u are not alone and you are not the horrible person u seem to think u are. Even though you may not be able to see that, the rest of us do. I really hope that this cheers u up and helps u to feel better about who u are. heart

LIES! PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU!



I care so much about you and love you to pieces.



And your family loves you to, no matter what.



You might just be feeling that way because too much people in the house, which was mentioned.


And, your friends care too. Trust me.



And, if you left, everyone would notice. I would cry if you left and never came back. And to think that no one cares about you and that no one would notice is silly. You know deep down inside that people love you.


And, wanting to beat people up is natural. I want to beat up so many people, that it's higher then I can count.


Well, if you ever need tons and tons of help or just wanna talk to someone or ask someone somethign or need something or anything, really, remember, I'll always be willing to listen to your problems.