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Chapter 6: Death Can Be Funny
Severus Snape was in a terribly good mood. He was sitting in his dank office, grading awful essays, and listening to some odd, wailing nonsense that was currently befouling his CD player (which was oddly enough still working despite it being a Muggle device). Yet, he was in a terribly good mood. His day, which had started off so strangely, had progressed into a rather amusing mess.
He grinned.
The trio’s misadventures had kept everyone’s mood up all day. From what Snape had heard, all three had to endure a great deal of snickering in the halls and in class, from how Potter could even hold his quill to how Weasley couldn’t hold his at all. Apparently, Granger had gotten fed up with all the ridicule and had started threatening people with her roll of duct tape. She’d even gone so far as to pull off a large piece, only to get it stuck in Weasley’s hair. They’d spent the rest of Charms getting it out, which they did, but at the cost of making Weasley’s hair look like Potter’s. Or rather, how Potter’s hair had looked. No one was sure if his hair was the same since he’d been turned into a penguin, since he refused to remove his brown paper bag.
Snape chuckled again.
And yet…there was something a bit off. Snape had the sneaking suspicion that this good of a day couldn’t last. His smirk faded a touch and he paused, dripping ink on a particularly bad essay. Then he lifted one of his earphones and listened hard to the stillness of his office.
Bah, he was probably just being paranoid. Nothing to worry about. He was just settling back in his chair to finish his grading when a loud voice came from upstairs.
“WHAT DID YOU DO?!”
Snape was out of his seat and into the entrance hall in a flash. There, looking guilty and horrified, were Potter, Weasley, and Granger, and looking quite dead on the floor, was Draco Malfoy.
I had probably better explain that. Back it up a couple minutes here.
*A couple of minutes earlier*
Harry, Ron, and Hermione left the Great Hall in a hurry after eating a quick dinner. Ron was the last one out, his face matching his hair.
“’Let’s eat fast,’ you said. ‘We’ll get out here quickly,’ you said. How am I supposed to eat fast if I can’t even hold a fork?” he demanded angrily.
“Stop complaining Ron, you ate enough,” Hermione shot back.
“No I didn’t, I’m still hungry!”
“Oh, and that’s a real shame,” came a sneering voice from the doorway.
The three turned to see Draco Malfoy, arrogant smirk firmly in place.
“Shut it,” said Harry.
“You’re one to talk, bird brain.”
“I said, shut it.”
“Ooh, real snappy comebacks there.”
Ron, already fed up with people pointing and laughing during dinner, yelled, “Drop dead, Malfoy!”
“See what I mean?” Then Malfoy did the strangest thing. His smirk disappeared, his eyes grew wide, and he fell flat on his face.
The trio stood in stunned silence, then Hermione asked, very quietly, “What did you do, Ron?”
“I dunno…” he replied.
“What did you do?” she asked again, louder this time.
“I said I dunno.”
“WHAT DID YOU DO?!”
“I don’t know, Hermione!”
“Hermione, calm down!” Harry shouted.
Too late, Snape had swept up the stairs from his basement office (oh good, we’re on track now). He strode over to Draco’s prone figure, and after looking a bit stunned, yelled, “Fifteen points from Gryffindor for killing another student!”
Harry opened his mouth (beak) to protest, the stopped. “Only fifteen?”
Snape shrugged. “Truth be told, I never really liked him.”
Just then, Arbitrare entered from the Great Hall. “Sorry to intrude, but I heard yelling and as that really is the area of my expertEEESE!” he finished as he tripped over the body in the doorway. He looked at his feet and exclaimed, “Eeew! Why is this on the floor?!”
“That would be one of my students you’re desecrating,” said Snape.
“Wait, didn’t you just say you didn’t like him?” asked Harry.
“Guess who else I don’t like,” Snape muttered.
“I’m sorry, did you just say what I thought I heard?” Arbitrare asked loudly.
“You know perfectly well that I don’t like you and think you’re an idiot and wonder how you ever got a job here.”
“Well, the not liking I knew, but the idiot part I- Hey, wait a minute! That does it, I’m challenging you to a duel, as soon as I get up off the floor!”
As Arbitrare tried to pick himself up, McGonagall came down the marble staricase and into the entrance hall. She surveyed the scene before her, then asked shrilly, “What is going on here?”
Everyone started talking at once:
“We were just minding our own business-“
“I came to see what all the commotion was about-“
“I fell down!”
“-and then he just dropped dead!”
“-and then this dolt showed up-”
“I heard that!”
“One at a time! One at a time!” called McGonagall over the noise. “Now Professor Snape, you first.”
“Yes, well, I was in my office and I heard a disturbance, so I came to investigate and found these three along with Mr. Malfoy’s body, and then this dolt showed up-“
“Oh, that is definitely it!” Arbitrare had finally gotten to his feet. “I am so challenging you to a duel!”
“Fine with me.” Snape spat back.
At this point, total chaos erupted again.
“Can we just go now?”
“-and then I’ll dance on it!”
“I’d like to see you try!”
“That is it!” shouted McGonagall. “Everyone who’s in this hall right now is receiving detention!” A couple of first years who were about to leave dinner right then seemed to think better of it and turned back.
Everyone stopped and stared incredulously. “Everyone?” Hermione asked timidly.
“Everyone.”
“Even us?” asked Arbitrare in an astonished tone of voice.
“Especially you two. I should think that teachers would set a better example for their students.” McGonagall looked around imperiously one more time. “I expect you all to be in my office at eight o’clock tomorrow evening. Even him,” she added, pointing at Malfoy on the floor. She then marched off back up the marble staircase and out of sight.
“I knew this day wouldn’t end well,” Snape muttered to himself.
 Peridot_Horntail · Sat Sep 08, 2007 @ 01:29am · 0 Comments |
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