Something with Meaning.
It's been awhile since I've written anything with meaning;
Journal or Poetry wise.
But between last night and today, I've found some sort of reason.
After you guys left last night,
I began to think about things...
Everything was put into perspective.
I had another mental break down, as I have many lately.
For the last five years, things have just been constantly crumbling.
My mom and dads relationship, family, school, me.
My out look on life continues to get bleaker and bleaker;
I mean, what's even the point?
You suffer through life, getting hurt and torn and longing...
Only to have brief moments of happiness.
Then, in the end, you go out like a light without dignity,
And [Hopefully] get embraced by the kingdom of heaven.
I guess it's those brief moments that get us through...
But it's been so long since things have been good.
I forget what the light looks like; full and unfiltered.
I really need something good to happen in my life,
And soon.
I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't get better.
My mom says if I stop looking, it'll come...
But when you're thirsty, do you stop looking for water?
Last night, I cried over my chem homework for hours.
I'm just...Feel so alone.
No one really gets me anymore...
Maybe I'm just accepting to much from those around me.
But I believe I might be going mad as I long for companionship;
Last night, I'm sorry to say,
I looked up how many advil it would take to kill me.
But I couldn't find a sure answer, and so...I calmed down.
I was absent today because I was up all night crying and doing homework.
I slept through my clock this morning, and spent the day on my chem project,
Although I can't say it's going so well.
That's another thing!
I feel so stupid...Like I don't belong at MATES,
Once again, but that's a journal for another day.
Anyway, a mist my emo mood, I was able to write a new poem, one that I think is my best of all time ::
My Wake
Rising and falling with the turning tides
Her heart crashes into shore to sigh.
The snow white foam gathering to hide
Those sands left unsure of the lie.
Bright moon, draw near; bring her waves high,
As to cover the dunes upon the bar.
Gulls beyond the sound let lose a cry
To tell a tale of a boat skimming la mar.
"A boat" they shout "Has left the buoys stirred."
Ripples battling sapphire serenity, all uncertainty runs dry
The churning devious motors purred
Turning her a romantic onyx as the sky.
And although the vessel will steer away,
Leaving the ocean longing and baffled; "Why?"
It has left a wake upon her since that day,
Now cautious to beacon sailors; to try.
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.:l <Come Join a Kick Ass Attempt to Make Gaian History!< l:.
