No one reads this stupid thing anyways so it doesn't matter what the hell I write. I could write: "I like monkeys shoved up my arse and I'm going to die in seven days." No one would read it. And if they did, they wouldn't care.
Honestly, I really don't care that I'm going. I'd rather stay here, but that would be impossible. People keep telling me that I'll have fun, and I probably will, but it won't stop the feelings I carry from sneaking up on me the entire time.
Denial really intensifies one's emotions. Finally admitting those feelings to oneself is the best release in the world. But it does come with its share of problems.
"So...what do I do about it?"
I wasn't planning to do anything, but certain recent events made me change my mind. I had to tell. Of course, nothing will come of it, and I didn't expect it to in the beginning. The only reason I did it is because it may be my last chance. One of these days there will be no return, only tears and a coffin for me to cry over. If this is the time of no return, then I'm glad I said something, as much as it hurts me inside.
"To love and be loved in return, that is pure bliss. Unrequited love, constant agony."
I know this pretty damn well by now. Still I cannot make it fade, I've tried for a long time now. I found what some people spend their entire lives trying to find, only to be denied that paradise. I guess, so long as I can stand by and see that smile, I'll be okay. It's all I can do really.
Not only do I feel this pain, but I'm probably putting the one I love through pain and agony as well. I'm so sorry, love. I hate doing this to you.
Everyone else, I'm sure some of you will figure it out. Hate me if you want, I really don't care what you think of me. I know its not right to feel this way, but seeing as though I've tried to change it for so long but can't, maybe it is right after all. I'm ruining lives but I just don't care anymore.
"This is your life after all. Don't worry about what everyone will think."
Thanks for the advice. I wish you were here so you actually knew how grateful I am.
Iselia Dragonwill · Sun Jul 10, 2005 @ 09:28pm · 1 Comments |