Hokay ..
I don't think anyone reads this anymore. xB
Uhg. Ohwell. D:
I'm really only writing so I can get these things out of my head right? :B
Well .. I had a severe panic episode the other day. It was really difficult to describe .. but it felt terrible. My legs and hands went numb, a surge of adrenoline went through body. My head wanted to explode with electricity. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. I was afraid I was going to die or that I was trapped in a cage like an animal.
I was crying and begging Goddess and God to help, help, help. To send someone home so I didn't have to be alone. And right when I curled up on the floor almost giving up, mum walked through the door. She randomly decided to have lunch at home, which she rarely does. So thank you Goddess and Mommy. <3
I hugged her and cried and she took me to the hospital. I was able to get some new medications. My doctor was harsh on me though, saying that I needed to be an adult and stop doing nothing. I almost started crying I was so angry. Because she's right. I know I have to be an adult now. ;_;
At any rate ..
Now I'm on lithium and busbar. Still on prozak for a while, until the wean me off of it. Not sure what they'll replace it with but I hope whatever it is works. The medicine seems to be working somewhat .. I mean I feel better than I was .. and I've been able to sleep and wake up without having terrible episodes. I mean I tend to have them before I go to bed. I can't stand lying in bed alone. I have to wait until I can curl up with my guy before I can even feel safe. sweatdrop
And during the day I have to keep my mind busy. I can't let myself think too much. Thinking is what starts the attacks. So if I can just preoccupy myself ..
Anywhooooo ..
Brrrr cold. D:
My tummy hurts. Girl cramps. D:
I should go take my morning medicine now. And walk on the teadmill to get my heart rate up. That makes me feel better too.
 The Viscount · Thu Jan 31, 2008 @ 04:05pm · 0 Comments |
