From the inside out.
The inner demons and devils inside me are at it again. I am feeling inadequate. Something isn't right. I am not right. I can't serve my friends how I wish to serve. ********, I can't serve the world how I wish to serve em. I can't stop the pain. I can't stop the suffering. I can't make life good for them nor for myself. I haven't found true happiness yet and I dunno why. I need something more in life. I don't want to lose more friends like I already have. I wish I would never have to lose my friends but I have. I have lost many whom I have valued just because we parted and by parting we never came back to check on each other. I became a stranger. No one remembers me anymore. I am nothing. I am that person who helped them get by high school but now is nothing. I am not enough for them though. And now it may happen again. I have people whom I care about now in this new world that I have created and I may lose them. What than. I must forge a new world...alone...again. I hate going alone. I hate being by myself. I hate losing friends or those I value as such. And now I have so many that I care for but I can't serve em all. And now above all else...I am failing everyone all at once. I can't do just the littlest things in life for them. *sigh* I have a bad feeling about the near future. I don't like it one bit but these devils and demons and what not won't let me sleep much at night. They don't let me relax much at day. They won't let me have my peace of mind. Why can't things be how I wish they could be? Why don't I have the answers and the strength to do as I promised I would do oh so long ago? Why can't I be what people want me to be for them? Why? And what do I have to do to not let this happen again? Have less friends or be able to do more? How? What is next? I don't like this. Any of this. I'm out of here for now holmes. Til next time, peace out.
 Dirteh Old Man · Thu Aug 11, 2005 @ 08:07am · 1 Comments |
