I have to go to a wedding today. My cousin is getting married to his girlfriend and finally they can be immature raising my poor 2nd cousin together. I feel for his future. But its better that they want to stay together. My problem is the fact that I was crying last night for three straight hours. And yes he did come last night. I have never felt like this in my life. Hes done things like this before I went out with him and that was pretty bad. But now that we've dated for so long and that he has a girlfriend even before we broke up makes me want to leap off a building so he can realize that it was him that killed me. And maybe than he can realize that I never did cheat on him. That he never should have treated me this badly. Because of him I dont want to do anything and I havent been going to school anymore. And the little times I actually do go I never do anything. My rooms a mess. I never keep myself tidy anymore, and he looks at me as if he wants to say something but that he cant say it. He said that hes going through so many issues and that he didnt want to hurt me anymore. But now I realize that this time he hurt me more than ever and Im not going to get over it. Not this time. I cant. I want to but I cant. I.... I really did love him...... It wasnt just a teen crush thing. This was real. I knew at one point he loved me.I feel that he still does only because of the looks he gives me when I sit next to the guy I wanted to go out with. Yesterday, he gave me that look he gives me when hes hurting. Its like everytime he realizes I that Im there he cant dare look at me. This is the only thing in my life that I cant stop thinking about. Im tired of getting hurt. I want him to stop pretending to like someone. I want him back. Not the person he became. Im everything about himself that he hates, and.....he has to realize that.........I wa the best thing for him. I made him feel.....alive......
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