today is the worst day of my life. i've learned a few things though, things i wish i never had to learn this way....first of all, no matter what you believe in, LOVE DOES NOT EXIST. it is a figment of our imaginations just put into our heads to make this crappy life somewhat better. to make us believe in magic. because "love" is as close to it as we would have ever got, but guess what? magic dosent exist, and neither does love....I also learned that when you are in desprete need of some sign that God is there and he loves you, there is no sign because there is no God. I've lost all faith in Him, Love, and sisterhood. my sister betrayed me and basically said it was my fault the guy i love, dosent love me back, and quite possibly, never did. on top of that, i've lost all belief in family. because i've basically been abandoned by my family because i gave it all up for the guy i love. and i know i'm using the word love, but what other word can i use? knowing he's happy is all i need to keep me alive and he's obviously happy lying to me, cheating on me, and without me, "being a burden." so if there is a love, i guess that's it. i have nothing left. i'm an empty shell....i've concluded this though, once those 3 words escape your lips...it all goes downhill from there because you give them the right to have everything they need to destroy you. and they do it. because "i love you" translates to" "Kill me now" you just trust them not to...and that's the big mistake. everything i ever wanted in life is taken away from me. and i don't understand why. why it happened and why i'm still breathing when i should be dead right now....there's nothing else to live for....nothing....
Carmen_Roxy · Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 03:54am · 0 Comments |