Part of it was my fault, I wasn't her dream daughter anymore, I smoked cigarettes and I has lost my virginity the April 2006 and I had been edgier because she had gotten stricter. She didn't like any of my boyfriends and was constantly being mean to them or making fun of them and being controlling. Every once in a while she would be uber nice and buy me clothes or give me money to go out with my boy at that time but those times got less and less, especially when she found out that I had tried smoking marijuana and had had sex,(she found out in April 2007, 1 year after and she found out because she asked me and I told her the truth) she kicked me out and so I went and stayed with some friends and she came and got me from school the following monday...yes. Im the kind of girl that won't skip school even if her parent's can't make her go. I like school. I like learning.
So she came and got me and that pissed off my step-dad, cuz he wanted to see me fail at living on my own, which is total bull becuase in 4 days i had gotten a job, a place to stay and food in my belly. I was doing well, and i was going to school.
So after this my summer sucked as well because I started dating this guy named Joe, my mother hated him from the start but for her benefit she gave him chances, then when she found out we were doing it the s**t hit the fan. My mom seems to think that I don't know anything about sex, and that it's horrible and mean and nasty. Well, sometimes it is, in a really HOT way. IDK she's uptight about s**t like that.
So, sometime around this past Christmas Joe cheated on me after and long period of my mother freaking out and he and I fighting because I love my mother no matter what she does and he couldn't get why I took her side. So we broke up but remained friends with benefits....bad choice.
Then around April of THIS year (what is it with me and the month of April) I got back into a long distance relationship with the guy that I had lost my virginity to and he and I fell madly in love again. My mother and I had worked out a deal to help me move out early by me living with a friend of hers half the week and with her half a week. It didn't work. It drove my mother nuts because when I did come back home all i did was go to work and hole myself up in my room.
Finally in June the s**t didn't just it the fan, it hit the windmills that generate electricity...we got into a bigger fight then ever and in that fight she threw me out for good and hasn't really spoken to me since. She skipped out on my 18th bday party, and my 18th b day dinner. She doesn't e-mail me unless I e-mail her and yesterday I called her because I got really sick (I never get sick so I ddin't know what to do) and she told me not to call her for things like that and to call the Advice Nurse at Kaiser. . . and it REALLY HURT.
So now Im sick, I don't know what to do about it, I miss my mother, my boyfriend is 3,000 miles away (literally, hes in VA in the Navy) and I haven't seen any of my siblings in months. I miss them so much that it is tearing me apart.
Is it wrong that I want my mother to love me again? I know that I'm a little s**t but still....she should still love me right?
No tears, for me, No Sympathy.
