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So i have this uncle. He's a crackhead, most of my uncles are. As a matter of fact, two of them died behind that mess. and my father has irreversible internal organ damage from crack. anyway, back to this awesome, awesome story. So, last year, my uncle was hospitalized with a broken jaw. they had to wire his mouth shut cuz of it was essentially shattered. why? n*gga got into a fight over rocks. or so i'm lead to believe. amazing right? you have to eat through a straw for the next 6 months because you got beat the f*ck up over rocks. enough to make you quit right? WRONG! a few months later, my ma gets a call in from the hospital yet again. this time, the same uncle is in a coma. severe head trauma. after a month of touch and go (he died twice) he gets better and is released to my mother. slow to speak and prone to forgetting as his short term memory is useless now, My uncle decides to go straight. Apparently head trauma and two near death experiences, loss of memory and mechanical functions on top of a wired jaw is enough to make you want to stop smoking rocks. So my uncle starts going back to church, enters rehab, essentially turns his life around. Fantastic! Enter, my other uncle, his little brother. we shall refer to him temptation. like all the other male role models in my life, uncle temptation is a goddamn crackhead but not just any kind. He's a social crackhead, the kind that can't get it on their own unless they absolutely have to. he moves in with my ma and my uncle and all of the progress he's made is shot cuz of, you guessed it, uncle temptation which leads me to the awesome part of this elaborate tail of ridiculous and lack of sense. Last week, my uncle goes missing for 4 days. my mother is naturally worried as his memory is balls and he is slow but after a few days, she sees different. Just as shes about to give up she gets a call. guess who it was. The Hospital! they have my uncle! apparently, he was run over and robbed in the street! they crushed his legs and he's been recuperating for a week. so, my ma goes to the hospital and asks what happened. my uncle tells some elaborate story which is total bullsh*t. My ma looks at him sideways and says, "n*gga please. you was binge-cracking (binge-cracking for those of you fortunate enough not to know what that is, is when one gets a large sum of money and spends it all of crack. generally this binge lasts for days or until the money runs out thus my uncle missing a week)and ran out of dough so they broke your f*cking legs an robbed you." This is the more believable story. Binge cracking and broken legs. So, to sum up, my uncle had his jaw wired shut, died twice, sever brain damage and two broken legs behind crack rocks. with this be enough? who knows, only time will tell. thew icing? he's going to be on the goddamn news, telling his story of survival! sh*t is HI-lariuous!
CRACK CRACK CRACK!!
UPDATE: so apparently, after seeing this news special on my uncle, new information came to light. It has been confirmed he was at a crackhouse. this particular crackhouse is also the home of his on/off girlfriend. she has no teeth. anyway, so the guys that ran over my uncle, they are crack dealers which makes this crime not so random. the kicker, my little brother KNOWS THEM!! yeah, the guys who hit my uncle hangout with my dad! amazing!
Smokey5000 · Sat Aug 09, 2008 @ 03:03am · 1 Comments |
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