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I'm a libra, we're suppose to have a good sense of justice, peace, order, and balance.
Balance, it's what I like to keep. Keep everyone happy, at an even mark, keep people from fighting and solving problems. But I can't even solve my own problems, and when I try to help others, lately, I've just been making it worse....Or maybe I've always made it worse and never relised the pain I've caused. I always make the wrong choices, and, it makes me wonder if I am just plain out wrong.
A few days ago I broke away from Cody, I just needed sometime for myself. I was overly stressed, I don't know why. I found someone that I really like....but...I don't know. I know what he wants, and what he wants to be happy. I only wish I could give it too him. He's been my friend for such a long time, but....I don't know. I sit sometimes and wonder....I know the longer I delay in my choice....the more damage I'll cause. This guy, honestly, really does, deserve to be happy. From all the s**t he's been through he really does deserve to be happy. But so does Cody.
I mean, in my head, I know I'll end up back with Cody, I mean it really is the only sense able thing. He accepts me for who I am....even though, we have very little in common, and we don't see eye to eye on many matters, he's still sweet kind, and genourus. But, my heart doesn't agree with my head.
But....this other guy...I mean..wow....I've never been this happy...hell, I've been lightening up alot since I've been talking to him. I'm not AS dark as before, but I'm not as angry either. I suppose that's a good thing. But I really, really....really like this guy. My heart wishes I could be with him, I really, really do like him....but...my head, I know that can't happen. If I really wanted to take the relationship as far as I want to take it, I wouldn't be able to for numburos reasons. I know, that this happiness he has...it won't last much longer....but....I'm compelled to hang on....just like I did with James....Just...to enjoy the ride, while it lasts. But I know that won't well....for either of us.
What brought reality to me like a punch to the face? Well, I've heard somethings....possibly that.....the guy I like....has someone else, he likes. I have a strong feeling, it isn't me. I can tell from the voice of a person how they feel about me...I've talked with him enough to know...he doesn't mean it, and....he likes someone else. He writes poems so much but...I can't look at them anymore....I guess I am really just a jealous b***h. It's so silly to be worrying and fretting over these things I mean, this is why James left, because I wasn't faithful. But...I've seen it this time..and....I shouldn't hold him back, when he has a chance to get something better.
Balance....it's something Libra's are born with....but my scale doesn't seem to be working. heart over mind? That's something only fairy tales have. It's not reality. Just thinking about this....it crushes my heart....sometimes I honestly wish life were easier.
But then where's the point of living if it's easy?
 x-l J i n x l-x · Thu Aug 28, 2008 @ 11:12pm · 2 Comments |
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