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'ch 1. My first REAL love. (ture story) |
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 I closed my eyes, I see him. I open my eyes, there he is again. All I can think was him. What was so special about him? He is just a normal guy. But he gave a glow that tells he was different, but I didnt know what.
Days pasted by, I watched him. Soon I learn more and more about him. Slowly I found out he was different than most guys.He was a guy who seem dark on the outside,but fun and nice on the inside. This made me notice my feelings more. I knew what I thought of him, he might be the one.
Ba-thump Finally I notice, he was...REALLY cute. My heart felt like it nearly stopped. I was sure this feeling was only for his looks nothing more. Days past by Ba-Thump his looks was maturing. This took my heart away. I was blind by him. Weeks came by fast, I finally was over that, but another feeling came over me....
Pain...I finally learned that I wasnt the only one liking him. There was a LOT more. This REALLY hurt. I took action to this, I finally wanted him to know how I felt. But this was too early. My action took over me. He now knows, when I wasnt too sure. This was bad.
Others soon learn my feelings, but this helped. I gain friends. Friends who can stand on my side, who can help me put a smile. This really brighten my year. I had more smiles, more joy. But soon I learn something from one of my friends.
She as well liked him. I never thought that one of my rival was one of my friends. She and I disagree about this a lot. But she suddenly gave up on him...I asked her "Why?" She only said " Seeing how much you really like him, and knowing you like him for himself, I'll let you have this one." I never would have thought this would happen, and I never  thought of that, did I really like him for himself?
I put that question in action. I watched him again. Just to learn him more. I soon learn, he has a small act of being gay. I thought that was cute. He was funny, another point. He was sweet as candy, there goes one point again. He's smart,the big point. The answer was I do like him for himself.
Pain strikes again. I found out he had a girlfriend. Somebody he likes. His one.... I wanted to cry so bad. I gave all my heart away to him. I knew I had to stop thinking of him. I found myself a boyfriend.
Soon I felt even wrost. I was using my boyfriend. I have to break up with him. But this was the wrost time to break up him...his birthday was coming. I didnt know what to do. I chosed, to stayed with him. On the day of his birthday, he told me " I love you, with all my heart. I wouldnt want to give you up. Never. You are my life" This didnt help at all. I knew I have to end it soon......and I did. It hurt so much. But he understand.
Weeks passed on. He broke up with his girlfriend. Joy filled my heart. I knew I have a chance. But I thought.....I not good enough for him. Then I chose to leave everything alone. This didnt really helped. I wanted him to notice me. I changed my whole look just for him. I change everything.
The day of love, Valentine's day. BA-THUMP BA-THUMP I must give him something. That was my first thought. But I was afriad. I wasnt sure if I should or not. In the end I was hidden, but he still got my gift.
Another new day came. He was talking to me in the silents. He send small message to one my friend to me. This brought so much happiness. I smiled even more than before. Then I finally tried to talk to him.....I failed, BAD. I couldnt say hi, all came out was fafufufufu. I wanted to die. But he sent me on last message. He said " Thank you for the candy, you are very kind hearted." This took my heart away. I took his words to the bottom of my heart.
Finally the last day came. I was heart broken. But I knew it was for the best. I know he will find someone he like. Then on that same day, I finally realize. I dont like him.....I love him.
 Taiyachi · Wed Oct 01, 2008 @ 06:05am · 1 Comments |
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