No matter how hard I try and no matter how hard I hope I'm inevitably alone since there is none who understand me. Am I just that difficult? Do I do something to make it so? I dunno...
Friends. Pfft...the ones I call that don't do much for me. I mean in one day how many can just drive me into the ground. Gah! Sometimes I hate people. I try and surround myself with people I want to be with and that can't hapen. Either they ignore me, they go off to do something else, or they turn into something else and annoy the hell out of me. Even my "best friends" aren't doing anything. Actually it is they I am actually blaming for having gone psycho today. The ones I feel closest to me are just driving me up the wall. Why...why...why...
What do I do to get this done to me. Why can't I have friends that are just there for me once a season. Is that too much to ask for? Guess it is. In one day, everyone turns their backs to me. Leaves me flabbergasted. And than people get mad at me for getting mad at them later on in life. Well sorry but in my books everything is an eye for an eye and you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. I'm a man of my word. I ask you to do something for me and you best believe I'll do something for you twice if not more. You mess me up for a day and I'll make you pay. Worst of all people waste my time. My time. They all act as if I run on their time. So I live for them and I'll fight for them and I'll help them. That doesn't mean I'll be there always since I expect it vice versa. I swear to god I got a bunch of "special people" for best friends sometimes. Whatever. I am getting to the point where I really don't care.
And more so people are getting butt hurt since I am basking in the glory of my speech. Not the fact I got SC for NCDA but the fact that I liked that speech. That that speech was the best thing I did in my life (and the most rambunctious too at that). So I'm living it up about that. Big deal. I live constantly in the depths of darkness since I can't do anything right. So cut me some slack and understand that one good thing to me is the world since it doesn't happen often...gah, ********.
On good news, the Vow ceremony went well at Antioch last night. I didn't ask for a prompt at all so I'm proud of myself for that.
On other good news, I got Frankie J's CD, The One, with my new fav song "More than words."
Back to bad news, people disappoint me at every corner. I see good in all though and hope it'll come out but nope, never. I'm just screwed in life. I...dunno...I dunno about anything anymore. I don't know who to call friends, who to call enemies, who to call best buds and partner in crime, or anything else for from my eyes, there is no one. Darkness. Emptiness. Vacancy. Void. Nothing. I'm alone no matter how hard I try.
Well I'm out, I'm tired and I think I'll stop complaining for today. Been doing so all day. Peace out holmes.
 Dirteh Old Man · Sat Oct 22, 2005 @ 07:38am · 2 Comments |
