Okay.
I've been sad lately. And don't say anything like "But Hikari, you weren't sad at school! You weren't sad at the dance! You weren't sad at lunch! You weren't sad!"
Correction: I was not truly happy. I find that emotion hard lately but acting like that is such a piece of cake.
Odd huh?
Let's elaborate on the problems I have.
First off: My one friend is being UBER depressed lately. I actually saw her slap herself in class. And personally, I can't help but say to myself "You can't help her, you can't help you, your boyfriend's not coming back, just kill yourself already!"
To me, if I can't help something that I think I can, or they don't want me to even though they need it or if I can't do something I should, I get this whole wave of uselessness that just overwhelms me.
Secondly: I don't think any one gets anything about me. Sure, I'm the most unpredictable person in the whole school and possibly all of my town maybe the state. I dunno. But I don't think my friends truly understand what they mean to me or how much my boyfriend means to me or how much a pain the bagle my mom can be. (Bagle. Ask Melanie.) And if you guys wonder how I could ever like an awkward teenager that certainly does NOT blend in well... He's funny, smart, highlarious, easy to talk to... And he always makes me feel special. He doesn't even have to SAY it. He just does. That's just him.
Thirdly: MY MOM. OMGGO!!! She's told me who to fall in love with, what I should wear, what she'd wear, what I should spend my time on, who I should be friends with. She's trying to guide my life when obviously, I am not like her.
Normal day when we go at the mall together.
Me *who is carrying a DS with Etrian Odyssey being played for conviency and nonbordom*: Why are we here again?
Mom: You need pants/shirts/schoolclothes/whatever I think you need.
Me: Right. Can't I just wear what I have?
Mom: Nonsense! You're getting too tall/fat for them! ((She doesn't actually say fat, but I know she means it.))
Me: Alright. ...Can we NOT be in JCPenny's?
Mom: But why not? Look at this! Isn't it cute!
Me: No. *sighs* Can we at least look in Hot Topic?
Mom: It's too expensive and I don't want to walk that far.
Me: I'd use my money and I want a pretzel.
Mom: Yes, and you also can't go alone.
Me: Mom, I know karate and I'm thirteen now, almost fourteen. I have this... Heavy handheld I can knock people out with, too. Or poke them with my stylus.... In the eye.
Mom: You still can't go alone.
Me: *sighs*
Usually a trek like that will either end in her buying something she doesn't need as a full-grown adult or something I won't wear but she insists on getting otherwise (Nevermind, she doesn't do this TOO often.) She also shows me things she thinks I like. No. Nu-uh. Even if the blouse is black mom, DO NOT WANT.
...Sigh.
That's all I need to rant about now.
I've been sad lately. And don't say anything like "But Hikari, you weren't sad at school! You weren't sad at the dance! You weren't sad at lunch! You weren't sad!"
Correction: I was not truly happy. I find that emotion hard lately but acting like that is such a piece of cake.
Odd huh?
Let's elaborate on the problems I have.
First off: My one friend is being UBER depressed lately. I actually saw her slap herself in class. And personally, I can't help but say to myself "You can't help her, you can't help you, your boyfriend's not coming back, just kill yourself already!"
To me, if I can't help something that I think I can, or they don't want me to even though they need it or if I can't do something I should, I get this whole wave of uselessness that just overwhelms me.
Secondly: I don't think any one gets anything about me. Sure, I'm the most unpredictable person in the whole school and possibly all of my town maybe the state. I dunno. But I don't think my friends truly understand what they mean to me or how much my boyfriend means to me or how much a pain the bagle my mom can be. (Bagle. Ask Melanie.) And if you guys wonder how I could ever like an awkward teenager that certainly does NOT blend in well... He's funny, smart, highlarious, easy to talk to... And he always makes me feel special. He doesn't even have to SAY it. He just does. That's just him.
Thirdly: MY MOM. OMGGO!!! She's told me who to fall in love with, what I should wear, what she'd wear, what I should spend my time on, who I should be friends with. She's trying to guide my life when obviously, I am not like her.
Normal day when we go at the mall together.
Me *who is carrying a DS with Etrian Odyssey being played for conviency and nonbordom*: Why are we here again?
Mom: You need pants/shirts/schoolclothes/whatever I think you need.
Me: Right. Can't I just wear what I have?
Mom: Nonsense! You're getting too tall/fat for them! ((She doesn't actually say fat, but I know she means it.))
Me: Alright. ...Can we NOT be in JCPenny's?
Mom: But why not? Look at this! Isn't it cute!
Me: No. *sighs* Can we at least look in Hot Topic?
Mom: It's too expensive and I don't want to walk that far.
Me: I'd use my money and I want a pretzel.
Mom: Yes, and you also can't go alone.
Me: Mom, I know karate and I'm thirteen now, almost fourteen. I have this... Heavy handheld I can knock people out with, too. Or poke them with my stylus.... In the eye.
Mom: You still can't go alone.
Me: *sighs*
Usually a trek like that will either end in her buying something she doesn't need as a full-grown adult or something I won't wear but she insists on getting otherwise (Nevermind, she doesn't do this TOO often.) She also shows me things she thinks I like. No. Nu-uh. Even if the blouse is black mom, DO NOT WANT.
...Sigh.
That's all I need to rant about now.
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