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I'm going ******** insane. |
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I'm still thinking about my ex, and I'm scared shitless that he's avoiding me, that he hates me. Not only this, but I have had no contact with my boyfriend for the past few days, and because of this, I don't have him to calm me down and reassure me, and on top of that I'm worried sick that something's happened to him.
I saw something tonight that gave me the idea that my ex was avoiding me, even though it's an incredibly stupid idea, and I started sobbing again. I thought I'd go out for a smoothie to make me feel better, since I ate all my ice cream last night, and I move past this guy in the hall. He asks me where I'm going, and I choose to ignore him because I don't talk when I'm upset. He keeps asking and I finally tell him that I really don't feel like talking. He says that's not how you deal with people, and I get pissed and tell him to shut the ******** up. This guy starts laughing, this evil, accusatory laugh that made me feel like I was back in high school surrounded by the people that made my life a living hell. And he starts walking after me, which makes me think that he wants confrontation. There were other guys at the door I was headed toward, and I thought for an instant that he might have been going to let them in, but that would make no sense since they could get in when I went out.
All the while he's laughing, laughing, and I go over the edge. I slam into the door and push back around and go flying at the guy, and I kick him in the stomach. The other guys come rushing in between us, and one gently grabs my shoulders in a non-threatening way and tries to calm me down. That's when Jessica shows up and we go outside and cool off a little. That's about all that happened.
I know it was wrong, I know it's inexcusable, and I'm going to freely accept whatever punishment comes my way. I just can't handle situations like that, especially when I'm already mentally unstable from other things.
God, I feel like I'm going insane, cut off from everyone I love, and about to be hit with SOMETHING for kicking this guy in the stomach. I just need a ******** hug. And maybe some crazy pills, those might help. And maybe schedule a sooner meeting with my counselor.
 Lexenos the Gypsy Bard · Sun Feb 22, 2009 @ 04:19am · 0 Comments |
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