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my favorite fml's that say that life could be lots worse |
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Today, my coworker came over to my desk and told me that I should protect my Twitter updates, because I had unknowingly made them public. My tweets include drinking stories, all the men I've hooked up with, various cuss words, sexual innuendos, and how much I hate my coworkers. FML
Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for me and my girlfriend. I was trying that move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and the girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. Only when I tried it, my spagetti went down too far in my throat and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML
Today, I found one of those online color blindness tests where you have to distinguish a colored number from the pattern. Not being able to, I spent hundreds of dollars on medical tests to discover that the pattern online was a joke. FML
Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to become a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML
Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my p***s. She thought it was my phone. FML
Today, the girl I've loved for the past two years finally expressed her innermost feelings for me. After a brief make out session, she asked me to "never leave her side". When I got home, my mom told me that my dad got a new job. I'm moving to the other side of the globe in two weeks. FML
Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to Itunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML]
Today, I spent $160 on a spa package for me and my best friend because her boyfriend just broke up with her, and she has been really upset for the past week. Turns out her boyfriend broke up with her because she had been cheating on him. With MY boyfriend. FML
 Suzume Fallen Angel · Tue Jul 07, 2009 @ 07:39pm · 0 Comments |
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